Page 13 of Kassir and Rebel
“Shit! I’ll take you,” he huffs. The engine starts and I loosen my grip on the handle. “I did what I thought was right. Her getting pregnant… That… wasn’t planned. You know that.”
I don’t know shit,I think to myself because I have no more words for him. My tears are pouring from my eyes and I can’t speak even if I wanted to. Thankfully, I don’t want to. I don’t have shit else to say. He hurt me, bad. That’s it; that’s all.
“You have to know that I really thought I was doing the only thing I could to get you to leave. My words weren’t working,” he begins as he pulls out of the plaza. “I told you to leave over and over, but Rebel, bae, you wasn’t hearing me and you were going to take that fucking job in Crescent Falls. I couldn’t have you here, at fucking risk. I thought I was… Hell, I just needed you to leave, baby. You wasn’t safe, they were gunning for me and I felt like I couldn’t protect you. I know I made a dumb decision and Iregret that shit only because it didn’t just get you to leave, it hurt you and made you stay away.”
“Fuck,” he sighs. “That shit wasn’t supposed to play out like that. I just needed time to get shit in order and get out of the grimy street shit but you never came back. But you are now and everything has changed. That shop was… that’s mine. I own it. That shit with the Bedford Boys is squashed and I’ve pulled back from most of that street shit. Things are set up for us and I want you back.”
“Ugh!” slips from my mouth and I instantly regret saying anything to him. The air in this truck is getting thick as hell and I feel like I can’t breathe. I don’t want to hear his voice. I don’t want to hear shit he’s saying at all. He…hurt…me.I don’t give a fuck what he wants.I just want out of the truck and away from him. His words, explanation, or whatever the fuck he’s doing doesn’t mean shit to me. He…really hurt…me.
For five years, he was my everything. My first love, my first everything. He knew about my fucked up life and he still loved me. I loved him and couldn’t see a life without him. He’s the only person who truly knew how heartbroken I was over my mother never coming back for me. I told him because I trusted him with my secrets, fears, and dreams and he loved me through it all.
We made plans for forever and in English and Spanish, he promised that he would never hurt me like my mother did. Stupidly, I believed him. So when my job offers came in after I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, there was no debate. I was taking the track coaching job at CFU. It was only about ninety minutes from here, and in my mind, he and I were going to move there, together. But that didn’t happen. No, that didn’t happen. The man who promised to never hurt me got another woman pregnant. He started a family with someone else, not me.
Instead of pulling into the parking lot behind the building, he pulls right in front of the apartments. Before he can shift intopark, my door is open and I’m hopping out. He rushes out right after me and sprints up to me at the door. After placing his hand there to stop me from opening it, he takes a step into my space. Our eyes meet and I can see he’s distraught. His eyes are hooded and his shoulders are slumped. At his pitiful sight, I feel a pull in my chest.
Why the fuck did that just affect me?I need whatever the fuck that was to go away, so I close my eyes and shift my right leg over my left to distract me from him.
“All I wanted was to keep you away from the bullets. I know now that my method was fucked up. I’m sorry I did what I did and I regret that shit but I need to make something clear. I don’t regret my son though. I would never do that. I love him and I want him to meet the woman I love,” he says. “’Cause real shit, I never stopped loving you.”
“Too bad I don’t care,” I utter as I shake my head. Thankfully, his head drops and so does his hand on the door. He doesn’t say anything else either. Instead, he places his hand on the door handle then opens it. He steps back while still holding the door open and I rush in. When I make it to Ma’s door, I quickly open it, run to my room, and collapse on my bed. The tears I managed to temporarily stop at the door pour out like a catastrophic flood.
“I see you finally gained weight,”Ma says and I frown. “Not too much but I see it, finally,” she says again for emphasis.
Growing up, I could never gain weight. Trust me, I ate, all the damn time. But because of my constant metabolism and running, I could never break past a size six. I stayed that size until about three years ago. Once I turned twenty-five, mymetabolism slowed the hell down and I went from a six to eight. I’m a solid nine, maybe ten, now.
“Age finally caught up with me.”
“Oh hush! You’re twenty-eight. Chile, what age? Make it to sixty, then we can talk,” she says then laughs.
God, I missed her laugh and smile.Ma’s entire round little face lights up when she does either and her whole body shakes when she laughs.
“Sixty ain’t stopping nothing for you. You got Mr. James all lovesick and chasing after you,” I say and she smiles harder. “I’m so happy for you.”
“I’m so happy too,” she gushes.
“I always knew you two were sneaking around,” I tease.
“We were not,” she says, but the little curl on the left side of her mouth exposes that she’s lying. Ma could never tell a lie because of her tell.
“Mmmhmm.” I smirk before sipping from my sweet tea.
Spending today with Ma is exactly what I needed. After my emotional rollercoaster of a night with Kassir, this is what any doctor would prescribe. I woke up to a quick breakfast of salmon croquettes and grits then we came to the mall to find me the perfect royal blue dress.
Although Ma is marrying at the courthouse, they are having a nice reception in the ballroom at The Drexel, and as the maid of honor, I have to look cute. Over the years, Ma has housed and taken care of eighteen foster children, but I stayed with her the longest. I’m still in contact with a few, and most of the others I managed to find on social media. So fourteen of them will surprise her at the reception and I’ve told them all to please wear her colors, royal blue or cream. She deserves her special day.
After shopping all day for my dress and her shoes and accessories, we stopped at the Taste of Italy for an early dinner. Ma loves Italian food and they finally opened a Taste of Italyhere in Diamond Falls. We don’t have to make that drive to Crescent Falls anymore. Although this location isn’t as big as the one in Crescent Falls, the food is the same, portioned on the bigger side and delicious. They have great drinks too but I’m saving that for tonight at Teaira’s, when I download my Kassir episode with her.
I’m enjoying my chicken marsala and penne, and as usual. Ma is eating their trio special with lasagna, baked ziti, and chicken piccata. We both also ordered to-go meals. She’s bringing a trio back for Mr. James and I’m surprising Teaira with her favorite, the seafood linguine, since she’s squeezing me in after a long shift.
“Get her attention for me, please,” Ma says, referring to our waitress. “I need to make sure she puts extra marinara in the bag. Jimmy loves it with the garlic knots.” Since the waitress is behind me at another table, I wave my hand and she spots me. As soon as she’s at the table, Ma makes her request.
About twenty minutes later, she returns with our check, small containers for our leftovers, and two bags with our to-go orders. When I grab the check, Ma frowns.
“Let me pay for dinner. I got Jimmy something and I know you are spending too much already on my little party at The Drexel.”
“I’m paying,” I insist.
Treating her to dinner is the least I can do because there’s no way I can repay Ma for all she’s done for me. Never. She became my mother at a critical stage in my life, loved me through my hurt and anger, and supported me in every way. She attended every track meet in junior high and high school and made sure I had everything I needed when I went off to college.
