Page 46 of Above
Talon’s room had been warded from others, which likely included me. I wasn’t sure if there was a way to will the wards to welcome the person who hadn’t made them, but I didn’t care to test it. So I rid myself of my father’s boots, ordering them back home and hoping no one would notice they had moved. When they disappeared, I made my way down to the beach, the slow walk and chilly air offering me a rare moment of clarity.
Whatever was to come would be dangerous. Celeste hadn’t waited for me like I asked her to. At best she was discussing her mutual hatred of the core families with friends. At worst…well, I didn’t care to think about that. Around me, the wind picked up, whipping and pulling, howling as if a beast loose in the night. Cool sand met my now bare feet, sinking between my toes.Looking up, I stared at the stars, wishing I could simply speak to them. Ask them for more than I had been given.
Instead, I dove into the salty waves, washing off my night clothes and cloak. The official’s blood clung to my hair where I had dug my fingers into it without thinking, but I didn’t mind much. The sea water would cause them to tangle, anyways.
As wave after wave barreled into me, I felt oddly free. For once, I could let something else take charge.
Tragically, I couldn’t breathe underwater, which meant working my way through the waves and up onto the shore. I had been randomly coming out here before lunch, working to teach myself to swim. These days, not a moment of my time was wasted. It made this blissful peace all the better.
Sitting upon the shell-coated shore, I began drawing in the damp sand, doing everything I could to silence my racing mind.
Celeste had said silence was our problem, but stars above I wished everything would shut the fuck up for once.
I had eventually gone back to my lab, sneaking in to find that Celeste still wasn’t home. It made the hair on the back of my neck rise, the curls coiling tighter. Whatever she was doing felt like trouble.
As I sloshed through the house, promising myself I’d clean once I was changed, I thought of my sister. When hadshechanged? But an exact answer evaded me, no matter how hard I thought. Celeste’s belief in the world had slowly waned over time. Faltering with every step and breath and struggle. How could she believe in an eadi king who practically bowed at thefeet of the core families? What compelled her to help a system that actively wished to keep her poor, hungry, and terrified? She had no reason to respect the shaytan. So why should she?
Why did I?
All I had gotten from them were death threats and hatred. Still, I sat back and actively participated in it all. I became another body for them to control, something without value beyond its brute force. Even my alchemy, which had for so long been a beautiful thing that could potentially save my family, had begun to morph into a tool for the core families.
I hated it. I hated myself. I hated Celeste for making me see it all for what it was. Most of all, I hated that I wouldn’t stop. Giving up now would mean my death. It would mean the death of my family.
In the back of my head, an unsettling, crisp voice seemed to whisper, “it would disappoint the stars.”
Yes, and that was not an option.
Once in my lab, Death on my heels, I got to work, my eyes flicking to the vial that contained what I hoped was Azazel Altair’s blood. While I wasn’t positive it was his blood I had found beneath my nail after my time in the infirmary, I still desperately clung to the possibility.
I hadn’t used it yet, too afraid of what it would mean to involve him, even in this minimal way. I didn’t want him to taint my elixir. But, seeing as my blood was refusing to work and Celeste was likely committing treason, I was low on options and unable to be picky.
Fingers meeting cool glass, I pulled out the small cork, dumping the flakes onto my tabletop. For what felt like an eternity, I simply stared at the tiny black dots. Death leapt onto the table top, tilting her head to the side as she observed me. Her yellow eyes were half obscured by her lids, her face judgmental if a kitten could be. Was this rock bottom?
Desperation clawed at my mind, a headache blooming as it so often did. Oh well. No time like the present to sink lower.
“Okay,” I whispered. Grabbing a small cup of water, I used a dropper to pour some onto the flakes, now blood once more. Closing my eyes, I prepared myself. Talon had been right about focusing too hard, so I did my best to breathe, simply willing the blood to split rather than breaking down every little step. Magic sparked to life in me, moving to my hands and burning its way out of my body. A hiss escaped Death, her fur brushing my arm as she seemed to cower. I dared to peek at the table, watching in awe as the red liquid began to bead and move.
Flipping the page in the open medical text, I did my best to understand the words. Plasma. Proteins. Nutrients. Hormones. Things that, together, made blood. But where did magic fit in? The core families acted as if our ancestry mattered, like purity at its roots was what maintained strong magic. As I stared at Altair’s blood, the bits becoming too small to see as they continued to split, I came to the simultaneously devastating and thrilling conclusion that they were wrong.
They had to be.
Bones and blood held no magic. Nothing that could be passed down or inherited. Nothing that made one more worthy. While I knew no one was born with magic, per say, I had always wondered if there was something special about cores that made them more deserving. That explained why they always received magic when so many didn’t. Could they possibly be that entertaining? Some of them seemed terribly dull and useless. But, when Altair’s blood had dispersed, I had to accept that as the answer.
There was no magic in our blood. Without it, I had no clue how I would manage to add magic to the elixir. Failure began to suffocate me, like toxic air or mounds of dirt. Breathable but poisonous. My chest heaved, mouth open wide as I grippedthe table. Desperate gasps poured down my throat only to find it closed like a dam blocking a river. Eyes watering, I blinked furiously, trying to see my table. True death was near. I could feel it in the room.
Please take me.
Before I could understand what was happening, I hit the hard floor, shivers racking through my body as I seemed to seize. How could one both be a statue and a twitching mess? Death’s meows grew loud, her face repeatedly pressing into mine as she seemed to fall victim to my panic.
In my head, an echoing chant began.
I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed.
In two short months, the only people I loved would stop taking haya. They would wither and crumble. And one day, their hearts would fail, seeking an elixir it would not be given.
Yes, true death was here, but it did not seekme.
Sunlight burned my eyes, my training leathers feeling too tight and slick against my itchy skin. I wanted to scream. Or cry. Maybe even snap the neck of every core family member in existence. Anything but stand there and listen to the disgusting excuse of a General as he prattled on about the black phase.
