Page 43 of Above
“It’s me who needs to do it. Only one of us has to show we are capable of achieving the goal.”
Priya shuffled a bit on her bed, closing the tube of brown dye and staring at me with pity on her face. Stars, how I hated it.
“You know that we don’t think you’re your father, Az. His mistakes aren’t yours to make up for.”
“You don’t fucking know anything!” I shouted, shoving myself up to stand. Priya didn’t flinch, so used to my temper by now that it didn’t phase her. But I still felt the guilt creeping in on me, twisting my stomach and making my neck sweat. Rubbing my hands against my face, I tried to make sense of my thoughts. To explain to her what I felt without sounding weak. “It has to be me, Pri. Not only has my father quite literally demanded it of me, but I think the stars have too. I swear I can feel them pushing me toward her, willing me to end her pathetic life and begin what they have been plotting for centuries.”
“But it isn’t your fight, or your burden to—“
“It’s the only redemption my family will be offered!” I yelled, cutting her off. Her full lips opened, a breath of surprise slipping out from between them. “All I can hope for is the stars’ forgiveness now. Whether or not you think so, I am just as much of a pariah as my father. If I want to set myself apart from him and prove that I can entertain the stars, then I have to kill her. A sacrifice like that will earn their favor. It will make me worthy again.”
Priya moaned in displeasure, letting her head fall forward.
“Fine. But it has to be soon. She might not be my problem, but Talon is, and she somehow has him wrapped around her finger. It’s disgusting.”
“I agree with you there.” I grimaced, sitting back down. “He’s probably tainted now. Does she even know how to properly bathe?”
“Az, I’m not kidding. Talon’s mother is furious.”
“Yeah well, it isn’t him who will suffer from Captain Zade’s anger.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.” Another look of worry pinched her thin brows, then she looked down again and began blowing on her nails.
“Don’t worry about it. Have you talked to Talon?”
“I tried, but he said he would kill me if I ever came anywhere nearNova.” A chill overtook Priya as she hissed out the akhata’s name, as if the mere sound of it from her mouth was offensive. How blasphemous for filthy eadi beasts to give their child a name of the stars. It should have been outlawed. “Why don’t you talk to him? He always used to listen to you.”
“Seeing as these days he seems to hate my guts, I’m going to guess that my advice—even my presence—won’t help much.”
“He doesn’t hate you,” she chided, leaning over her bed to smack me in the head. Wincing, I grabbed the spot, sending her a glare. “Don’t tell anyone this, but Dove confided that Colonel Zade nearly beat Talon to death last summer.”
“Wait, what?” I asked, sitting up straighter. “You’re kidding.”
“I’m serious. They thought he wouldn’t ever wake up. It took some of the best medics and healers to fix him, and even then they said his brain might never work the same.”
“Summer? That’s about when he stopped talking to me.”
“Yeah, well, Dove thinks it messed up his mind. Maybe that’s why he’s talking to that filthy beast of an akhata. Or he could be rebelling against his piece of shit father. That’s plausible.”
“Could be,” I hummed, not sure what to think of the information. All of our fathers beat us. We lived the old way, as they said. Which was why they hit us and worked us to the bone and forced us into arranged marriages. Same for why we bred young and taught them from home. Our women were second in the household to our men, our fortunes long since gathered.
“We are of the old ways, Azazel. We possess the core values that hold Dajahim together,” Father used to say. Sometimes he would hit me harder and more often because he wanted me to be the best. Being seen by a healer or a medic for my injuries was not new to me. But never had he damaged my brain.
“Speaking of our parents, Father told me today that I am expected to propose to you tonight.” There was no better way to deliver such awful news. I knew it would kill Priya, but saying no to Father wasn’t exactly an option.
“Figured that would come soon,” she whispered, tugging her knees up to her chest and setting her pointed chin on them. “At least then Benadell Zade will leave you alone.”
“Nope, we aren’t talking about that.” I was not in the mood to sing woe-is-me. Instead, I lifted a leg, placed my ankle on my knee, leaned back, and stared at my oldest friend. “Want to tell me about the girl you’re seeing instead?”
“No. It doesn’t matter. She won’t want me once she finds out we’re engaged. Plus, she isn’t pure enough. Even if I could somehow marry her and continue the family line, I wouldn’t. She’d just poison it.”
We stewed in silence for a few minutes, her last sentence burrowing into my chest like a swirling animal readying for attack. I hoped it ate my heart out.
“Sometimes I feel like we are being pulled in so many different directions that one day we’ll be ripped to shreds,” I admitted. It was rare that I shared such thoughts, made obvious by Pri’s widening eyes.
“Things will change when we’re the ones in charge.”
“No they won’t. The world will still be fucked, and we’ll still be our parents’ children. They probably hoped for the same thing at our age, and look at them now.”
