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Her chest rose and fell against my stomach, her body twitching with nerves, and I wished I could bottle this moment. Could somehow save the air that floated between us. Why, I didn’t know. Probably because I felt more powerful now than I ever did. Just as I always had in her presence.
“Everything okay?” My hands immediately released her wrists, my legs taking two large steps back without my permission. Eyes darting toward the gate, I caught the smile on Cal’s face. A sort of gloating. Or maybe he was finally seeing what I did. She wasn’t fit to be an elite. She never would be.
“Yes,” Tershetta answered. “It is now.”
Then she bent down, snatched up her book, and darted for the gates, not stopping until she was out of sight. Sighing, I looked back to Cal, my heart plummeting into my stomach at what I saw. Because the teasing had seemed to fade, paving the way for something more terrifying. Cal’s softened smile and half-lidded eyes were a warning of danger. A sign that I had taken a wrong step along the way.
“One day you’ll see what I do,” he whispered.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Nova
“Mama got mad at me today. I was tired after morning duty and fell asleep at home. Which ended up leading to me missing my entire shift and her having to work it. When she yelled at me, I told her I wished I had a shaytan family instead. I don’t know why I said what I said, but I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t mean it.”
-From the journal of Nova Tershetta, 9265 AS
No one was allowed to take a day off after that initial illusion. Medics had soothed us and then placed us in our respective rooms, not even allowing us to stay in the infirmary. Though, from my understanding, every single trainee apart from the cores—Talon excluded—had needed serious help. Why Talon had suffered so immensely when the other five hadn’t was beyond me. I had attempted to bring it up to him, but I was only ever offered silence or changed topics. The same thing I afforded him when he asked aboutus.
Since then, we had all fared far better in our illusions, which occurred once a week. Physical training still ruled our early mornings, followed by division work. Captain Dofrel had taken over for her husband, and it seemed she was just as adamant about hating my filthy of eadi guts, which meant I was often thelast to receive instruction on every brew we concocted. When I receivedAlchemy Rising, our text for our daily sessions with the captain, she had dropped it before my hand had time to snag it, forcing me to bend over and pick it up, trying my best to flatten the worn and faded pages that had bent. The action had me thinking about Altair, who also seemed to have a bad habit of assaulting books—and me. Luckily, he hadn’t been as bold lately.
Despite her clear distaste for me, I was still doing the best out of Captain Dofrel’s group of four, even helping her son every once in a while. When I was feeling generous, that was. Plus, I loved watching the captain’s bronze face redden when I grabbed her son’s hand and helped him stir the contents of his black cauldron. She nearly pulled her sandy hair out of her head the first time.
After our hefty lunch, we would then attend classes for the remainder of the day in the schoolhouse. First we learned about history, taught by the elites from the Education Division. Every text we had carried up the mountain that first evening came in handy as we learned more and more about not only the history of the elites and the worlds they conquered, but also about life before magic. This surprised me, because the only one I had ever heard talk of such times was Dad when he told us stories of old, and he rarely did that anymore. What I wasn’t taken aback by was their choice to frame Dajahim pre-magic as monstrous. Our ancestors had once been at constant war with one another, people dying every day. In other words, exactly like today, except now we pretended it was peace.
Clearly, Celeste’s letters were really getting to me.
While some of the history got under my skin, other parts were fascinating. We learned about the dead languages that had faded when our sole continent survived, some I had never heard of in my quest for knowledge over the last few decades. Even better, we were afforded unique opportunities to learn of thebeings on the planets we would go on to conquer—their fate nauseating after falling in love with their cultures.
Some part of me deep down felt guilty for reveling in their customs and traditions when we had made the choice to slaughter. We had stolen more than just their lives, but their very existence. But I tried to push away that irritating voice. How wrong could it be if the stars deemed it necessary? We were only doing what they wished—entertaining them no matter the costs.
At least, that was what I told myself on nights I struggled to sleep and ended up reading on the sandy beach or working relentlessly in my lab.
After dinner we had one last lesson. This one was the most important, as it prepared us for our weekly illusions. We spent thirty minutes with an intel, letting them feed off our minds and attempting to learn how to shove them out. I had begun to picture my mind as a library, each book something the alghaz was attempting to open and decipher. My goal was to force every tome to remain on its shelf.
It was always painful, but Talon and I had both agreed that with each day, we grew stronger. By the second week, neither of us shook or cried. During my third illusion, I was able to remind myself that it was all fake for the first half. That time, I had slaughtered my entire class of trainees, only to then be beaten to death by the six cores. It was horrific, but I had managed to stay awake after, the imaginary broken bones and fatal wounds not enough to steal my consciousness.
Two days into our third week of the black phase, I got word from Celeste that Dad was on the mend. I sat there, in my small bed that Talon had brought into his room, and penned a response. Talon had gotten me new blankets, the rich shade of green like an emerald that lost its glow and instead fell into darkness. It was the very first time I had ever received something wholly new that wasn’t my elite attire—apart from mynecklace, which I nervously twirled as I considered the core boy. Despite my efforts, I trusted Talon. Liked him, even.
Shaking the thought out of my head, I picked up my charcoal and began to write, my mind flooding with thoughts of Celeste meeting with strangers in the night.
Celeste,
You have no idea how incredible that news is to hear. How is his cough? I can make some more syrup here at the academy and send it to you. I know Mama prefers to naturally source, but I promise these ingredients are the best quality.
How are you feeling? Have you been finding time for yourself?
I miss you. Sometimes I think about when we were young, running through the house when it still felt new, screaming as Mama and Dad chased us. Remember when Dad found that book on animals for me? The faded one that still had creatures from the old world? I swear we all acted like gorillas for weeks before it got old. Beforewegot old. Before everything went wrong.
Sorry, I don’t mean to make this letter sad. I just miss you all.
One month to go.
I love you.
Nova
It was all I could do to fold the parchment and order it home before I burst into silent tears.
