Page 33 of Of Vows and War: Special Edition
***
“You will not leave your chambers until Tish has deemed you well enough to do so. Under no circumstances are you allowed to have any visitors other than Mia, Sterling, or I. If I find that you have used your powers—”
“Magic,” I mumbled, cutting off Xavier’s tangent. He froze, his finger still pointing my way and his mouth left open.
“Eternity above, Asher. You have truly lost your mind. You do not have magic. You are not some demon from the depths of the Underworld.” There was a sincerity to his tone that made me close my eyes. He was lying. I knew what was real. “If you use yourpowerson anyone, I will have no other choice than to have your blocker placed on you once more.”
Forcing my eyes to remain closed, I further curled into myself in the corner. Waiting for his suffocating presence to leave. I felt like a youngling again. I felt weak.
“I do not want to do this, Ash. Seeing you like this hurts me. But you are proving yourself to be a danger and a liability. We cannot allow it. Please, get into bed, eat your lunch, and rest. That is all I ask.” Had I truly once thought they loved me? It baffled me that those hideous words hidden beneath false endearment had convinced me for so long that I was loved.
Choosing to stay silent rather than acknowledge his deceit, I remained still until his retreating footsteps were met with the click of my doors closing.
And then, just as I had once always been, I was alone.
***
Two days passed without me so much as moving to relieve myself after I had stripped my body bare. I remained there, in my own mess and hopelessness, chanting.
It was real. It was real. It was real.It was real.
“Sure it was, Strange One.” Wrath had unfortunately kept me company. “I wish you would bathe. You smell horrendous.”
Though I did not speak back to the dalistori, he rarely stayed quiet himself.
“I am a figment of your imagination. If you want me to be silent, then make me. It is not my fault you have dreamt up a fake life and love and cat.” His tale swished as he spoke, his gray fur silky and his fangs short. Those big yellow eyes bore into me, waiting for a reaction.
I would not give him one.
I knew what was real.
“You are insane, do you know that?” he asked with a sharp-toothed smile. I scowled his way, watching with annoyance as he chuckled and scooted closer to me. If only I could drop-kick him.
“Maybe you should try, see if you can look any more ridiculous than you do in a pile of your own urine and wearing nothing but your own shame.”
Wrath was a figment of my imagination. He was the part of me that was unwilling to leave the past behind. Every piece of my mind and soul that loathed me. What he said meant nothing.
“Sure, Strange One.”
Closing my eyes, I begged for a reprieve.
***
The next morning, I awoke to pounding on my door and the sound of Sterling’s horrified shouts.
“Asher! Are you okay? Asher!” Again and again his fist slammed into the granite, the echoing sound making my headache.
I wanted to tell him to leave me be. I was wallowing. That and plotting. My mind was swimming with potential ways I could eventually kill Mia and Xavier. Prioritizing my own strength was important. In the last three days I had come up with a sort of checklist.
One, do not eat the food or drink the water. There was no doubt in my mind that it was poisoned. However, I had to be cautious. Baths were out of the question, because they could taint that too.
Two, do not wear the clothes. How easy would it be to lace the gowns with hemlock or belladonna? Yes, I could wear gold, even if it made my skin crawl. Bellamy had taught me that I was stronger than that. But, if they tampered with the fabric, then I could be wearing my downfall.
Three, no visitors. I would not be forced to endure the presence of anyone who might harm, poison, or sway me. They were attempting to manipulate me, but I would not let them.
Four, remember it was real.
“Asher, I have a key. Please do not make me enter your space without your permission.” Eternity above, he never left. Every day, he came and yelled behind the doors until I finally said to leave. It was annoying. More than that, it was tempting.
