Page 54 of In the Pursuit of Haven
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, “and don’t go into any cemeteries by yourself anymore either.”
I was reeling. He really didn’t want to work with me. Matthew had told Haven he’d wanted to be a team, so what was Jessie’s problem? Did he really not trust me to do my part? Annoyance fluttered through my stomach. Well, as long as we were ordering each other around, I had a few rules of my own: “Deal,” I said. “No cemeteries as long you don’t work with those men from the other night… or Divine.”
Especially not Divine! I don’t trust the way she touches you.
His beautiful eyes narrowed. “And if I disobey, you’ll go flying after trouble?”
So he was considering working with those lowlifes? After all that had happened at Zak’s tavern? My anger consumed my concern so that I felt like a raging beast. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine in those dark, dank cemeteries. I’ll bring my pepper spray.”
He stiffened. “Is that it then?” He sounded hurt. “Is that your last resort? Threats?”
I didn’t like where this was heading. One minute he was getting ready to kiss me and the next, he was mourning my cheap shots in a fight, like I was the only one at fault. “How about you let me in?” I asked. What was he planning that he couldn’t let me go against my supposed scruples? “No more secrets. Come clean and tell me everything.”
“Why can’t you trust me for just a few days longer?” he asked.
So he was that close to finding the treasure then? My stomach hurt at what could go wrong—leaving him to his own devices could get him killed like Matthew.
But was I possibly getting in the way? Could he be concentrating so hard on my welfare that it was throwing him off his game and making it so that he stood less of a chance of surviving this?
What if Ishouldback off?
If I did, our relationship couldn’t possibly be the same after all this was through. I’d never be able to forget how he couldn’t lean on me for better or for worse. If we couldn’t be a team in the hard times like we were in the good, then what did we have left?
I wanted to cry at the loss, one that had been staring at me for a long time and that still hurt too much to contemplate.
Those divorce papers were stashed in a box under Haven’s property deeds where I’d hidden them from my sight. My waning hope had still kept alive what was between us, but now it just felt like a mirage. “Do we really have nothing else between us anymore, Jessie?”
His hands loosened on mine as I pulled away. I needed air, and there was one place to get it—the lighthouse.
“Roxy?”
I couldn’t answer. I was too upset. Pushing down the stairs and not caring anymore if Jessie went back into Haven’s mystery room and whatever mischief it held for him, I rushed outside over the cold, frozen grass. The dampness of the night seeped through my shoes. The light shining through the black sky was a beacon. I reached the tower door. It was propped open as usual. We’d found out from sad experience that once closed, the door stayed that way.
Last time Haven had gotten stuck in the tower, my phone was out of juice, and so she’d actually stooped to call Jessie. It was the one time she’d ever asked him for a favor—but…“You know Randy, don’t you, Jessie? Could you DISCREETLY contact your friend at the sheriff department to come let me out? Tell him to bring his fireman axe, will you?”
The door was completely useless after Randy had gotten through with it.
Jessie and I had gotten a good laugh over that. He’d been secretly pleased she’d finally turned to him.
And these memories were just too painful. The two people I loved most in the world were unreachable. I rushed inside.
Narrow stairs twisted through a corridor above me that went ten stories high. Holding onto the rope Haven had set up as a railing, I used it to guide my way above me to the lantern.
The icy wind blasted against my cheeks the second I stepped out onto the parapet.
Haven and I used to stand out here together during calm summer evenings, looking out into the vast ocean as it moved around us in its glistening, tumultuous blackness. Drowning in memories and my sorrows, I fumbled with the last letter that I’d pushed into my pocket and brought it out in front of my hungry eyes.
This one was from Haven. I recognized her handwriting.
“Where are you, Matthew?
“I can’t expect this letter to reach you. You’re lost in this darkness and I can’t find you. You still have my heart. Do you know that? You carried it with you and I fear it lies at the bottom of the ocean for how heavy it feels. I’ll never stop looking for you. I’ll never give up on what we had, even if I must figure out this lost treasure that’s haunted your family for generations, and now that I share your name? This mystery haunts me because itisa part of you and I won’t rest, as sure as the wind never stops its cries or its mournful howls. That will be me, always with you, never ending, always calling your name into the skies.
“Yours always, wherever you are at rest, your Haven”
I lowered the letter, my fingers trembling with the loud thumps of my heart. Jessie was here with me and he was just as lost to me as his uncle was in this ocean. I’d searched for my husband, but not endlessly, not like Haven had for Matthew.
Was I giving up too easily? I didn’t know what to do differently and still stay sane.
