“Oh my sexy demon lover, I’m fine. And no, Bitch Lady does not need killing. But maybe some corrective action, huh? Because let me tell you, shesucksat her job.NO ONEshould have to deal with that level of bitchiness. Especially after they just died! She has absolutely no idea what it’s like to be a mortal soul. Isn’t empathy supposed to be a heavenly trait or something? Because Angel-duh over there is completely missing the empathyandsympathy buttons.
“But you came!” he gushed, stopping his tirade to hug Minos close again. “Of course I knew you would, but I was gettingreallybored listening to all her questions. Although, speaking of, are there alpacas in hell? Or dogs? Because I think I’d like to have some. Of both.
“But anyway, that aside, I’m totally fine. A little scared when I was being herded here, but I never had any doubt you’d come for me, Big Guy. And the whole cracking the walls thing was super cool, by the way. Good work! They’re totally gonna need a remodel after your visit,” Adam chortled.
With that, there was a pressure change, and six angels popped into existence into the now larger room. The Leadership Team had arrived.
They were all in white suits with glowing white wings, although their hair and eye colors varied. They looked androgynous and vaguely clone-like. Minos had seen the demon part of the Leadership Team, so none of that surprised him. After working together for millenia, apparently the team started to think and act together as well. In fact, aside from coloring, the demons and angels were scarcely separable in mannerisms, speech, and attitudes.
Two of the angels held tablets, one had a briefcase, and one had a pen and notebook of some sort with an actual colorful design on it. The last was surprising. The Leadership Team was not known for being creative. Minos quickly judged based on the fact that the angel in question still looked somewhat…unique… that they were probably a new recruit to the team. He rolled his eyes, knowing that any individuality would be corporatized out of them before the decade was out.
At the arrival of the team, the female angel who had been screaming promptly shut her mouth and stood very still. She was obviously terrified, as she should be. Minos was an Infernal King of Hell, however, and there was nothing the Leadership Team could do to him.
At least he didn’t think so. He was standing in heaven, after all, so it occurred to him that he might need to readjust his assumptions.
Chapter21
Adam
Adam felt his ears pop (sort of, because they didn’treallypop, because, you know, he was dead), and he saw six white angels appear in the room (the white and wings were kind of the giveaway, although he had been hoping for halos too). And the room was totally bigger, too. Afterlife physics were pretty mind-bending.
Adam immediately zoned in on the angel on the end, who was standing almost an inch back from the other five.One of these does not look like the others,was the thought that flitted through his head.
“OMG angel person—sorry, I don’t know your pronouns—but that planner is awesome! Kudos to you for the originality from your cloned compadres there. Love the rainbow swirls on it. And the pen is an awesome shade of blue.”
The angel looked taken aback and almost seemed to try and cover up the design on the notebook. Poor thing. It must suck working with that crew of boring assholes.
Adam gave them a kind smile before looking up at Minos. “I totally want one. I could keep punishment ideas in it! And ideas for the exciting team-building we’re going to do with the demons!” Minos looked down and smirked at Adam, nodding. Adam gave him a nice peck on the lips before directing his attention back to the angels.
Adam figured these were probably some higher up big wigs, but he was beyond giving two shits at this point. And at least Bitch Lady had stopped shrieking at them.
“So listen,” he said, trying to interject some authority into his voice. He did realize that perhaps his position cuddled up in his demon’s arms didn’t convey the level of pissed off he was going for, but it had been a rough afternoon, and he was staying ensconced in Minos’ embrace. They could just deal with it.
“I am lodging a formal complaint with the Leadership Team on behalf of ticket #1618033988749894—that’s me, obviously—and I would like immediate corrective action taken for the gross mishandling of the case that was under your jurisdiction.” Adam smirked at that and enjoyed the looks of bewilderment that came over the faces of the angels in front of him. He bet he just took the wind right out of their sails.
Adam knew a thing or two about corporate bullshit. He was human before this, after all. Sometimes you had to strike first and lay blame where it was due. He hated to bethattype of customer—he prided himself onalwaysbeing nice to anyone in customer service, because that was truly a job from hell—but he figured they werewaypast that point with this crew.
The angel in the center cleared their throat, which seemed totally unnecessary and rather pompous, and stated, “Yes, we are sorry for how Angel-a dealt with your case. You can rest assured that corrective action will be taken.”
“Oh, no, no, no,” Bitch Lady started mumbling out. “This wasnotmy fault. He didn’t want to be here. He kept insisting this wasn’t his placement. I wasn’t trained for this. Then I go back to get him, and a demon shows up! Demons are not supposed to be in heaven!” she wailed, getting louder and more hysterical as she went on.
Angel In Charge looked at the angel next to him, who looked at Bitch Lady. She started backing away, holding her hands up in front of her, and Adam watched in morbid fascination as she started getting grayer and wrinklier and stiffer. It was slow enough to see the process happening, but it was also done quickly enough that she couldn’t even run.
Bitch Lady was now Stone Bitch Lady. Like, full statue mode.
“Ok, that isso cool,” Adam marveled, finally hopping out of Minos’ arms to go examine the statue. “You made her a Weeping Angel! Is she gonna start stealing life energy or making other people into stone? Because that wouldn’t be cool, you know, and not much punishment for her.” Adam ignored their bewildered looks. Obviously they weren’t Dr. Who fans. Ah well, what did you expect from corporate assholes? No taste.
“But oh, she should totally have to go exist on the mortal plane or whatever you guys call it. She should have to people watch for a few decades. Get some sympathy and understanding of the souls she’s supposed to be dealing with. Send her to a hospital or something. Let her see how sad it can be, but also how much hope and love people have. Because some corporate video on sensitivity training isn’t going to cut it for her.”
The Leadership Team continued to stare at him, bewildered, but Unique Angel (Adam really did love their rainbow planner) gave a wave of their hand, and Bitch Lady’s Statue was gone. Adam smiled at them, and he thought he saw a slight upturn of mouth in response. Maybe.There was hope for that one yet,Adam thought.
Angel In Charge gave an offhand glare at Unique Angel, but then they glared back at Minos, ignoring Adam entirely. Yeah, that wouldn’t last very long. Adam would make sure of that.
“The Leadership Team has jointly come to the conclusion that ticket #1618033988749894’s gross mishandling was a byproduct of both teams, and, as such, appropriate action for the egregious error must be taken.
“It is with some regret that we must inform you that, despite your millenia of service, your recent conduct has caused us to reconsider your position. The joint divisions of the Leadership Team are afraid we must inform you that you are being let go. As such, your corporal form will fade into the ether, and a proper replacement will be found for your position.
“We thank you for your service and are sorry to have to part on such terms,” the angel finished off.
