Page 133 of Catch a Kiwi
“Geez,” she said. “How’s a woman supposed to get independent?” And walked through the doors.
I cried all the way to Roman’s house. He didn’t say anything, just handed me a box of Kleenex.
I said, “You bought K-kleenex. You never have K-kleenex.”
“I do now,” he said. “We’re all still learning. As the woman said.”
60
STARS
Roman
Outside my windows—in Dunedin or in Auckland, because I didn’t have time for the Catlins house just now—autumn turned to winter. I didn’t much want to say it, cheesy as it sounded, but in my heart, it was all about Summer. Still not living with me, but with me more nights than she wasn’t. Cooking dinner with me, and, every time she could, driving me to and collecting me from the airport. She never waited in the car. She came inside every time, and when I came down the steps from the plane and found her waiting in the terminal, her face lighting up at the sight of me before she broke into a run and leaped into my arms—that was a thrill every single time.
I’d been married twice, and this felt nothing like the same. It was quiet, and it was peace. It was understanding. It was, in fact, joy. My life was the same, and it wasn’t the same at all. And, yes, I wanted more.
Accept the things to which fate binds you,Marcus Aurelius said,and love the people with whom fate brings you together, butdo so with all your heart.I was finally doing the second part. I wasn’t so sure about the first.
Oh, and Esther? Esther, as far as I could tell, had no opinion. She also never accepted a lift. If Summer drove me to the airport, Esther drove in her own car. An island unto herself, Esther. An enigma.
The end of June came, and Matariki with it—the middle of winter and the Maori New Year, when the constellation rose and became visible. The days would get longer from here on out, and the spring would come again. Something to celebrate. Matiu and his family invited Summer and me to a dawn ceremony, and we traipsed down a steep, sandy track on the Otago Peninsula in the cold and dark, Poppy carrying the sleeping baby, Kai, on her back while Matiu carried the next oldest, Isobel, and looked happy to do it. As for me? I held Summer’s hand and was glad to be here. Not really part of Matiu’s whanau, but accepted into it all the same.
But then, the three older kids weren’t Matiu’s, either, except that they were. Life was complicated like that. At this moment, we were arriving at a sandy beach, joining a small crowd of other people, visible in the starlight. Whanau and friends, I guessed. I wrapped Summer and me in the blanket I’d brought and surrendered to the cold and the dark, the sound of the wind and the waves, until Matiu said, “Look to the northeast,” and pointed, and we did.
“There,” he said, “the Southern Cross,” and, yeh, I knew that one. Just over the horizon. “And to the east, Orion’s belt,” he said, and Hamish said, “I see it.”
“Good,” Matiu said. “Can you tell us how to find Matariki, then?”
Hamish studied the sky for a minute, and Matiu didn’t jump in. Finally, the boy said, “It’s to the left and down a bit, I think. It’s all those bright stars, all in a group. Like a family.”
“Well done,” Matiu said, and put a hand on Hamish’shead. “They’re clear and bright, eh. That means it will be a good year.”
“Is that true?” Hamish asked.
“Yes,” Matiu said. “It’s a good year, because we’re all here together, and we’ll make it good for each other. That’s what whanau does. And up there in the sky—those are our ancestors. That’s part of this day, too.”
“That means people who are dead, Livvy,” Hamish said.
“Iknow,”Olivia said. “I always know, and you always tell me anyway!”
“Idon’t always know, though,” Poppy said. “I want to hear more, Matiu. Tell us.”
“When somebody we love dies,” Matiu said, “somebody in our whanau, we may say we lost them, but they’re not really lost. Their spirit, their wairua, lives on in us, and we can see it at night, shining from the sky. We can see their wairua in the stars, and remember them. Because when somebody dies, their wairua goes all the way to the Far North, where it slides down the ancient pohutukawa and across the sea. That’s why one of the stars in Matariki is called Pohutukawa. She connects us to those who have gone before. The stars are like a blanket, you could think. Your ancestors watching over you, keeping you warm.”
“Only if you’re Maori, though,” Hamish said. “You can go live in the stars after you’re dead, Matiu, and so can Kai, but Mummy can’t, and Livvy and Isobel and I can’t, and Grandad Charlie can’t. He’s very sick, but when he dies, he’ll just be dead.”
“No he won’t,” Olivia said. “He’ll be a star, too, because he is very special.”
“He can’t,” Hamish insisted. “He’s not Maori. So this makes me sad.”
“He can too!” Olivia’s voice was rising now.
“I think,” Matiu said, “that we all live in the stars in theend, Maori or not, because we all have a wairua. That’s not only for Maori.”
“Yes,” Poppy said. “That’s the special light that shines from us. We have a body, but we have a spirit, too, and our spirit never dies. Grandad Charlie will be in my heart forever, and he’ll be in yours. Why can’t he be in the stars?”
“You can’t just make something be true because you want it, though,” Hamish said.
