Page 59 of Just for Me
Luke stopped. His hand at the back of Hayden’s neck, gentle now. “All right?” he asked, not sounding like himself, either. Sounding gruff, nearly strangled, and Hayden realized, somewhere in the dim recesses of his mind, that this meant as much to Luke as it did to him.
“Y-yeh,” he managed to say. “Just … I love you.” He was crying a little now. He couldn’t help it. The emotion … it was too much. “And I’m … being loud.”
Luke wasn’t just touching the back of his neck now. He was kissing it, his hand stroking down Hayden’s arm. “Nah,” he said. “Not too loud. Want me to slow down?”
“No,” Hayden said. “No. Please.Please.”
“All right,” Luke said. “Then hang on.”
Hayden did.
* * *
It tookLuke a surprisingly long time to get his heart rate back to normal. That was love, maybe, because it bloody well wasn’t fitness. When Hayden was in his arms and they were lying, spent, amidst twisted sheets, he managed to say, “I have to be on the bus in about three hours.” And laughed, because that was how this felt.
He’d never been giddy in his life, but he was giddy now. The black moth that had held him down for so long loosed its clutching claws, flapped its leathery wings, hissed one last time in his ear, and vanished. Right or wrong, whatever happened next, he was free.
He was here. He was himself. And he was free.
He said, “I love you. It’s not enough to say, and I’m not good with words anyway. But I love you. I didn’t know if you …” He stopped, then forced himself to go on. “I felt like a coward. I didn’t know if you’d want a coward.”
Hayden stirred and turned, and now, his hand was on Luke’s face. “I came because I had to know how you felt. What you wanted. I had to know if you felt the way I did. And you could never be a coward. Never.”
“I didn’t come out,” Luke said.
“Well, yeh, mate,” Hayden said, and he was laughing. “I think you did. How does it feel?”
Luke didn’t know what was going to happen. It could all be over. There’d be press, and the hell that was social media. He wouldn’t read it, but he’d know it was out there. There was his Racing team, too, and the whole thing to go through again. And there was no other answer.
“Awesome,” he said. “It feels awesome.”
24
THE AULD ENEMY
Luke didn’t wantto wake Hayden, as tired as he’d looked and as little sleep as they’d got, but what option did he have? It was past six-thirty, and he needed to be downstairs in twenty minutes. He couldn’t just sneak out without talking to him.
He settled for sitting on the edge of the bed and kissing Hayden’s forehead. A gentle awakening, he hoped.
Unfortunately, Hayden shot up like a cork, and his forehead banged hard into Luke’s nose. Hayden exclaimed and held his head, and Luke didn’t exclaim and held his nose. Bleeding a bit. That was awkward. He grabbed a couple of tissues, leaned forward, and pinched his nostrils shut, and Hayden said, “I broke yournose.Sorry. Sorry. What … ice. I should get you some ice.” He jumped out of bed and grabbed the ice bucket, which was interesting, as he was naked.
Luke said, still holding his nose, “You didn’t break it. A bit of blood, that’s all. You’ll make life exciting for me if you go out there like that, though. Imagine the chat on the bus.” He wanted to laugh, but it was hard to laugh with a bloody nose, so instead, he smiled. “You could tempt a few of them, too, because, bloody hell, but you’re good-looking.”
“Yeh, right,” Hayden said distractedly. “Where are my clothes? You’re bleeding somuch.”
Luke put out the non-pinching hand and pulled Hayden down to sit on the bed beside him. “I’m used to it. How’s the head?”
“Oh.” Hayden felt it. “A bruise, maybe, that’s all.”
“This relationship has been pretty hard on you,” Luke said. “Physically.” And smiled some more.
“Ha,” Hayden said, but he’d lost the frantic look, at least. “Physically’s the least of it. You’re dressed already. How long do you have?”
“Fifteen minutes or so. I wanted to ask, though—” Luke hesitated, not wanting to put it out there, not wanting to ask for anything. This was already better than anything he’d ever had. What was he thinking, demanding more?
“What?” Hayden asked. Still naked. Still so bloody beautiful, and his heart …
“Not sure what your plans were,” Luke said cautiously. “When you came.”
