Page 11 of Just for Me
“Rugby players always drink beer after games, though,” Isaiah said. “My dad used to drink heaps after games, I think.”
“That wasn’t really my problem,” Luke said. “I was careful after games.”
Ah. So as not to lose his head under the influence and say or do something he shouldn’t, Hayden would bet. Other blokes could be wild and stupid and get themselves into trouble, and nobody would think much of it. Using the wrong pronoun, though … much too easy, and catastrophic.
“Drinking too much can happen in all sorts of ways, though,” Luke went on, which Hayden wouldn’t have expected. “Like if your partner’s a chef. Chefs work long hours and tend to drink wine—sometimes heaps of wine—to wind down at the end of the night, and you might be keeping them company. Wine’s not really the best way to wind down, but I only found that out once I stopped trying to do it that way.”
And there was Hayden’s heart, dropping straight down again.Thatwas why Luke had come out. Not because he was opening his heart, or whatever stupid thing Hayden had thought. Because he had somebody he couldn’t bear to hide anymore. Which was good.
“A chef is a cook,” Casey told Isaiah. “But in a fancy restaurant, with a tall hat, like inRatatouille.”
“I know,” Isaiah said.
“Does she have a hat?” Casey asked. “The chef?”
“He’s a man,” Luke said, and his ears went red again. “Yeh. The restaurant had a Michelin star. That’s a big deal. Means it’s in the guidebook, and he had a hat and the checked trousers and white smock and all. Got to look the part, eh.”
“Oh,” Isaiah said. “Your partner was a man? Does that mean you’re gay? You don’t look like a gay person. Not like Uncle Hayden.”
Now, both RhysandZora said,“Isaiah,”in stereo, and Hayden laid his forehead against the table and groaned.
“Gay means …” Isaiah was telling Casey even as Rhys and Zora said it, and Casey said, “Iknow.We had it in school. It means boys go out with boys, and girls go out with girls, and it’s OK. Except you’re supposed to say LGTBQ, and some other letters.”
“LGBTQ plus,” Isaiah said. “You got the letters backwards.”
“There isn’t one way people are gay,” Tom said, absolutely unexpectedly. He’d spoken up even less than Marko, but then, what was he, twenty-one? At his coach’s dinner table, and sitting with England’s captain? “Not one way they look. You may think there is, because you see some people who you’re sure are gay—LGBTQ—and you assume they’re . . .”
“Representative of all gay individuals,” Hayden said. “Like me.Obviouslygay. What an entertaining day this is proving to be.”
“But Tom’s right,” Zora said. “You don’t know about all the people whoaren’tobvious, since you don’t go around asking everybody their sexual orientation. Because you’re more polite than that.”
“Well, if you’re Isaiah and Casey, you do, apparently,” Hayden said. “Anybody else want to come out? Anybody who isn’t obvious, that is? No? Good. I’m oddly exhausted. And I have a meeting at eight o’clock tomorrow, so …” He stood up. Enough fruitless yearning and weirdly desolate heartbreak, and definitely enough pretending to be insouciant. “Cheers for the pizza, Marko, and for the company, everybody. Hope you get it done tomorrow, Nyree.”
“What?” She sat up and blinked. She’d fallen asleep on Marko’s shoulder, apparently. “Oh. I’ll come back in the morning and finish up. I’ve had so much help today, I can do it. Kane said he’d come back.” She looked the question at Luke, and he nodded. “Good,” she said. “Two’s all I can keep busy, Tom, so I’ll just bother my brothers. Thanks for all your help. After that, I’ll sleep all day Friday, and I’ll still have Saturday morning to pack for the wedding. Heaps of time. Casey’s room has turned into a bit of a group project, that’s all, and group projects can be brilliant.”
“Yes, they can,” Hayden said, “and I painted the blades of grass. Remember that when you see it, Casey. And … I’m off.”
Definitely time to go.
5
STRONG AS OAK
As usually happens,Hayden’s exit sparked a general exodus, and five minutes later, he was standing in the driveway with Luke and Tom as Marko and Nyree climbed into Marko’s car, at the back of the queue, and reversed out of the driveway. Luke’s car was next, but he hesitated a moment, and Hayden thought …
He wasn’t sure what he thought.
Now, though, Luke said, “Well … I’m off myself,” and put a hand on the door.
Hayden thought,Good. Only answer.And instead of saying, “Well, goodbye!” he said, “We could go have a drink if you like, toast your big day. Nonalcoholically, of course, which makes it an even more blameless idea. I don’t feel like going home yet anyway. It’s still light out, and barely seven-thirty. Whenever I’m with Zora and Rhys, I feel like I’ve aged thirty years, like I’d better run out and buy a spectacularly unsuitable convertible in a desperate attempt to hold onto my vanishing youth. Why is that?”
Tom was looking between the two of them, and Luke looked frozen, like he had no idea how to answer that. Hayden thought,At least I was insouciant,tried not to feel rejected, and said, “Or not, of course. Whichever.”
“No,” Luke said, the color rising into his cheeks again, and Hayden thought,Clearly not insouciant enough.Luke added, though, “I mean—sure. That would be good.”
To celebrate coming out, obviously, or at least to come to terms with it. To talk things over, maybe, except that Luke didn’t seem like the chatty type.
Oh, well. You had to look out for each other, didn’t you? Not like the rest of the world would do it. Hayden said, “There’s a place near Britomart that’s surprisingly quiet. That could work. It’s called Caretaker, and I’ve heard they do nonalcoholic as well. Not a gay bar or whatever you’re imagining,” he added hastily, “so no worries, no more coming out required.”
