Page 60 of Just for Me
“I think ‘plan’ may be generous,” Hayden said. “I just came.” He yawned. “Sorry, but if we’re going to have a deep and meaningful conversation, I need coffee.”
“Oh.” Luke got up and went into the bath and came out with a cup. “It’s not too bad.”
“Thanks.” Hayden took a long swallow. “So. What were we saying? Oh. Wait.” He got up, then came back with a wet facecloth and gently sponged Luke’s upper lip and chin. “How does it feel now?”
There was a lump in Luke’s throat. He cleared it as best he could. “If you were planning on being over here for a bit, we could get you a room in Edinburgh. No partners allowed in mine before the match, and I’ll be working, of course, but …”
Hayden said, “Oh. I’m … it’s Monday morning in New Zealand. At least I think it is. I need to go back anyway, because I didn’t clear this with anybody. I need to ring up soon, in fact. It was possibly impulsive. Or call it what it was. Mad.”
“Oh. Right. OK, then.” Luke glanced at his watch and tried not to feel disappointed. Or desolated.
“It would be harder if I were here anyway,” Hayden said, “because I’m thinking you may get some press.”
“Yeh,” Luke said. “I think that’s fair to say.”When did you get so soft?he asked himself.When did you start caring what strangers thought of you?
“But,” Hayden said, then stopped.
“What?” Luke asked.
“I’m trying to be brave,” Hayden said. “Braver, anyway.”
“I think you were that,” Luke said.
“So I’m going to say,” Hayden went on, as if he hadn’t heard him, “that if you’re asking that because youwantme to come with you … if it would help, maybe, support and all that. Or, you know, love. Then … I can ring my senior partner and explain. Not surehowI’d explain, but I’ll think of something.”
Luke had forgotten about his nose. Mistake, because two big globs of blood fell onto his white button-down, team-required travel shirt. He pinched it shut again and said, “If there’s a money issue, I could make that up.”
“Luke.”
“Oh,” Luke said. “Sorry. You’re not a toy and all that. Got it.”
“No.” Hayden’s hand was on Luke’s chest now. “I’ll go out on a limb for you. You just did it for me, didn’t you?” He was trying to smile, to be bright and funny, but it wasn’t quite working. “I’m good at my job, and I’m tired of dancing around my life, trying desperately to be … to be acceptable, sure that if I take one false step anywhere, I’m out. Out of my family, out of my relationship, out of my job. If we want this, if it’s worth it—let’s go for broke. Let’s stop protecting ourselves and do it. Flat to the boards. What do you say?”
“I say,” Luke said, and decided, to hell with the shirt. He put his arm around Hayden and kissed him, blood and all. “I say—I’m in.” He laughed. He had to leave, but this time, leaving didn’t have to hurt. “I say—if you want that?” He kissed Hayden again and promised it. “I’m your man.”
* * *
Another Saturday night for Hayden.Another stadium, not even domed this time. The stands were covered, but the wind was whistling. He didn’t care. Hewasin the WAG section this time, because he’d actually met them.
“You’re welcome,” Madelyn Osandu, Henry’s wife, had told him yesterday, when he’d met a few of them at Harvey Nichols to go shopping, which you tended to have to do if you’d flown across the world without so much as a change of clothes, and then been in the papers over and over again, possibly not looking as fabulous as you’d like as the first-ever rugby HAB. You had to represent, after all. Madelyn had gone on, “Though you’re better dressed than most of us. You’re the one getting the press this time, so that’s something, instead of me copping it for not losing the baby weight yet.”
Since they were being followed by about eight photographers at the time, she was right. Hayden hadn’t done any interviews, and neither had Luke, but that hadn’t stopped anybody from commenting, or the photos from appearing, either. The ones from Wednesday, Luke’s day off, when they’d gone to Edinburgh Castle and walked down the Royal Mile—Hayden couldn’t help it that he’d never been much of anywhere and wanted to be a tourist—and held hands, had been especially popular. Or disgusting, repellent, and “against nature.”
Oh, well. Not like it was news that heaps of people in the world shared Hayden’s dad’s view of things.
“I can’t say I think much of this scarf,” Hayden told Madelyn now, wrapping the thing an extra time around his throat as they watched the teams finish their extremely enticing groin stretches and other manly displays and trot off the field. “Red and black. Basic as. English rugby needs a new designer.”
She laughed. “Never mind. This is the last match, then it’s back to French chic.”
“Nah,” Hayden said. “I have to fly home tomorrow. Back to work, eh.” If he still had a job. His senior partner hadn’t been best pleased with his sudden absence. The firm was stuffy. Law firms tended that way, but big commercial firmsespeciallytended that way. Bad enough to be gay. Worse to be …
Well, notorious.
They’d thought it was Luke’s career that would suffer. Ironic if it turned out to be Hayden’s.
“Oh, what a pity,” Madelyn said. “I would’ve come over to Paris to shop with you. Sacrifice, but there you are.” She laughed again, then sobered and said, “My son Duncan asked me about you yesterday. Well, about Luke, mainly.”
“Oh?” Hayden asked cautiously.
