Page 99 of Kiwi Sin
Priya said, “She’s not—” then closed her mouth again.
“I know she’s not academic,” Frankie said, “but she loves you, and she’ll help. She’ll ride the bus with you and eat lunch with you, too, until you make friends.”
I’d got so cold inside, my arms had started to prickle. I tried to think of what to say, but all I could think of was, “Excuse me.” I picked up my knitting, left the phone on the bench, started up the track, then remembered and turned to say, “Congratulations, Daisy. And Gray. And Frankie, you should do what you want. What makes you feel better. Everybody’s not the … everybody’s not the same.” I wanted to say more, something like, “We all still love you,” so I could pretend that what she and Priya had said didn’t matter, but I knew I’d cry, and I didn’t want to cry in front of all of them.
I’d felt so confident, earlier, but I wasn’t. I was soft, and I got hurt no matter how much I tried not to. I couldn’t stand to let them see it, though, not anymore. So I did what I always did. I ran away.
42
WORTH EVERYTHING
Gabriel
I should have stayed and said “congratulations” again to Gray and Daisy, maybe. I couldn’t. I was so angry at Oriana’s sisters, I didn’t trust myself not to lash out. I was a deliberate man, and an even-tempered one, but not right now.
I followed Oriana.
I saw the back of her disappearing into the caravan, and I sped up and walked straight through after her. Again, I should’ve knocked, and I didn’t.
She turned at the sound of the door, her hand already at her face, because that was how fast she’d started to cry. She was wearing the yellow dress again, the one she’d worn on the night when she’d cooked dinner for all of us and Valor had cornered her and hurt her. Now, she’d been hurt again.
Why did so many people think that just because somebody was kind and gentle and wouldn’t hit back, they could go ahead and say whatever they wanted?Dowhatever they wanted?
I didn’t stop, and I didn’t think. I took the two steps across to her and took her in my arms. She started to say something, and I said, “I don’t care how good Frankie is at maths, or how strong anyone says any of them are. What they said was cruel, and it’s not true. You’re worth more than that. You’re worth everything.”
“I’m not—” She was in my arms, but she still had both hands over her face. “I’m not worth anything, not to them. The things I want to do, the things I’m good at doing—they don’tcount.Why can’t they count? Why can’t I … why can’t Icount?”
“You can,” I said. “You do.” I ran my hand over her hair, then down her back, covered by a pretty dress she’d made herself. I wished I had the right words. Watching her cry was making me even angrier. “They don’t see,” I said. “Maybe they can’t see, but I can. Gray can, too. You’re as brilliant as your sisters, don’t you see that?”
“I’mnot,”she said, and it was almost a wail.
“You are,” I said. “Just at different things. Have any ofthemstarted their own business and grown it already, the way you have? What do they know about growing vegies or caring for animals or handling newborn babies or cooking brilliant meals or all the other things you’ve learnt to do? To say that looking after your family doesn’t matter, and then say in the next breath that Frankie wouldn’t have to worry about cooking, because you’ll do it, like it’s nothing—that’s cruel, and it’s wrong. Of course it matters! They say that women from Mount Zion are oppressed and belittled, and then they belittle you the same way. It’swrong.”
She was still crying, but maybe she’d slowed down a bit. “Daisy just …” She sniffed. “She just wants what’s best for me, I know, but—”
“But it’s not what’s best for you,” I said. “Come on. Let’s sit down.”
There weren’t many places to sit, not together. Just on the couch, so I sat there, and I pulled her into my lap. She still had her hand over her nose, and she tried to laugh and said, “I need tissues.”
I reached for the box on the little shelf beside the bed and handed her some, and she wiped her eyes and blew her nose, then said, “I was feeling so good, before. Like I finallyknew.Like I was finally …”
I kissed her. How could I help it? I kissed her sweet mouth, and I brushed back her soft hair, and I tightened my arm around her waist. I was going to say, “You are,” but somehow, I didn’t, because she had her hands around my head and was kissing me back, and then she had her hand on my chest again like that other night, when she’d kissed me there. Her mouth opened under mine, and I put my tongue in there. I’d read that it would feel good, and it did.
We kissed like that for a minute, or for five, and then my mouth was dragging across her cheek to her ear, her neck. Oriana had a beautiful neck, graceful and smooth, and when I kissed her under her ear, she shuddered, her hands tightened on me, and the excitement in me ratcheted up another notch, if that was even possible. Her head was thrown back, her bottom was pressed into my groin, one of her hands was in my hair …
I wasn’t going to make it.
* * *
Oriana
When Gabriel had first kissed me, I’d thought,How can you want to do that? I’m so messy, and I’ve just been so weak.When hekeptkissing me, I stopped thinking it, because his tongue was in my mouth, his hands were urgent on my body, and I could feel his erection pressing into my hip. I was getting that hot/wet/tingly thing again, and it was so bad, it was burning.
And then he started kissing my neck. I heard something, and realized it was me. I was making noises.So this is why,I thought dimly, and then I couldn’t think anything, because his hand was at my waist, and then it was moving up my body. And then it stopped. I lay back into him more, and then I did it. I took his hand and put it on my breast.
Oh.That was how that felt, then. Like even more of everything.
He didn’t grab me. He held me there, and then his hand traced up, his thumb brushing along the place where the neckline exposed my skin, and I was gasping into his mouth, because he was kissing me again.
