Page 87 of Kiwi Sin
Aunt Constance’s lips got tighter, and I knew why. I was arguing. It didn’t matter that I was right.
Shouldn’tit matter, though? How else did anybody learn things, if nobody could bring up other information? Even if that person was a woman, and seventeen?
Daisy said, “It’s an excellent cake. Deliciously full of brandy, too. Mm. I’d like another slice, please, Oriana. Also, Oriana and Gabriel were just bringing up a proposal.” Daisy was normally so calm. It was being an Emergency nurse, maybe, or it was just Daisy. Tonight, though, she looked like she was quivering under her skin, and her eyes were locked on Aunt Constance’s.
Wait. Maybe this meant she’d support us.
Wait again. Aunt Constancewouldsupport us. The combativeness would be because Daisy wanted to say, “Absolutely not.” Shehadsaid, “Absolutely not,” in fact.
I tried to brace myself. I couldn’t quite do it. I felt something under the table, then. Gabriel’s hand, reaching for mine. I glanced at him, and he said, “We were. Our proposal to get married, in fact.”
Uncle Aaron said, “We already discussed this. I forbade it. Why are we still talking about it?”
Wait.Hedidn’tlike the idea? I’d thought he’d be thrilled. Dideverybodythink I needed to be a lawyer, or an accountant, or an airline pilot, or whatever terrifying job Daisy thought was important enough?
“If it’s me,” I somehow said, “that you think I’m not good enough for Gabriel—I’m probably not. I mean, I’m sure he can get somebody better, somebody who has all her education already and earns more money than I do, because he’s wonderful. He won’t get somebody who loves him more, though, or cares more about making him happy. He can’t, because I feel both of those things with all my … all of my soul. All of myheart.”And all of my body,I didn’t say, because that wouldn’t help.
“How will he be happy,” Aunt Constance said, “going against his parents, and against God’s laws? You’ve been filling his head with your plans, your dreams, telling him they should take precedence over his.”
“She hasn’t—” Gabriel began.
“I never said—” I tried to explain.
“And here I am,” Daisy said, “thrilled to hear that she actuallyhasplans. A man isn’t a plan,” she told me. “A man is usually an excusenotto make a plan. Not that I have anything against you,” she told Gabriel. “You’re a fine person, and I’m sure you’ll be a good husband to somebody, but you’re eight years older than my sister, and that’s not right. If she has plans and dreams, shouldn’t she be allowed to pursue them before she’s tied down?”
“What’s notright,”Uncle Aaron said, “is that she’s putting her plans and dreams above his.”
Gray said, “Hang on, now. Let’s talk about this. I know what you think,” he told Daisy, “and I understand why you think it. I know what Aaron and Constance think, too. What we haven’t heard is what Gabriel and Oriana think. Shouldn’t we let them tell us? It’s their life, after all.”
“I didn’t do all this to—” Daisy started to say.
Jumping in felt like leaping into a pool of sharks, but didn’t I have to answer that? I said, “I know why you did this. You got us out because what happens at Mount Zion is wrong, and you wanted something better for us. I appreciate it so much. You saved Frankie, and you saved Priya, and I’m realizing that you saved me, too. But Ihavesomething better. I’m doing all the things I want to do, and I’m so …” I was choking up, and I didn’t want to cry. I clutched Gabriel’s hand tighter and said, “I’m so grateful to you, and to Gray, and to Uncle Aaron and Aunt Constance, too, for helping. But doeseverythingabout my life, about how I am, have to be wrong, just because I’m more … more like Mount Zion? You keep saying I should have plans and dreams, but it feels like they have to be the same asyourplans and dreams. Can’t I dream of something different?”
“They don’t have to be mine,” Daisy said, still sounding stiff. “Of course they don’t. I just want you to get an education and have a good career. I want you to have the freedom to create your own life, and you can’t have that when you’re weighed down too young with marriage and babies. And you’reseventeen.”
“I’m almost eighteen,” I said.
“In four months,” Daisy answered. “If you’re measuring in months, you’re not old enough.”
“If I don’t marry Gabriel soon, though,” I said, “we’re going to have relations, and thatwillbe a sin. We aren’t going to be able to help it. I can hardly help it now.”
* * *
Gabriel
Thatbrought the conversation to a halt.
I said, “Oriana’s right. About all of it. We don’t want to have relations outside of marriage, but it’s getting hard not to.”
Gray said, “I’ve never tried not to, but I can imagine.”
He was the only one here who didn’t seem rattled, and I did my best to imitate his calm. “My parents want me to marry Patience,” I said, because didn’t I need to explain this? “And Patienceistoo young. You want me to marry herbecauseshe’s too young,” I told my parents. “To influence her. To control her.”
“To guide her.” My father’s eyes were burning with controlled fury again, and I hated defying him. What was the choice, though?
“I don’t want to control anybody,” I said. “I never have. I want to marry Oriana and be her partner. The things she loves are the same things I do. We’re not complicated,” I tried to explain to Gray, who wouldn’t understand this. “We’re simple. We want to work hard and have a loving home. We want a quiet life with … with each other.”
Oh. I’d better check. I glanced at Oriana, and she nodded, so I went on. “I’m pretty sure we both want babies, too, but what’s wrong with that? I don’t want her to have them before she’s done with school, or to have twelve of them, to get that tired and not able to do her … her business, with the knitting and all, and her job.”
