Page 67 of Kiwi Sin
“No!” It came out too forcefully, and I lowered my voice and repeated, “No. I’m wondering if I can borrow your shed for a bit again, though. And your tools. On Sundays, it would be. Maybe four Sundays. I need a workshop to do a project, and I’ve still just got the flat, and not all the tools I’d need. It isn’t much, not like fixing the ute. Drill. Dremel. Vise grip. Like that. I’d ask somebody else,” I hurried on when he didn’t answer, “as you’ve already done so much, but I wasn’t sure who.”
The gray eyes were shrewd. “Still not going well, then, with Gray’s family? Sorry, I guess they’re your family, not his. With the two families, and all? Even though you’re all working on his house?” Drew and Hannah invited me to dinner every few weeks, and somehow, Drew always got the truth out of me.
“No,” I said, “that part’s going OK. I got made foreman, in fact, for the rest of it. It’s a small job, of course, and just for the month, but …”
“But it’s a bloody good start,” Drew said. “Good on ya. What’s the problem, then?”
“Well, I, uh …”Harden up.“I don’t want to presume, and I don’t want to hang about there when I’m not working, unless I’m invited. There are reasons.” He waited, and I went on, hopelessly far out on that limb, “I know I’m presuming with you, too. I understand that. It was Jack who put the project into my mind, actually. The jewelry rack.”
“Good of you to help him with that. Not sure it worked out too well, though. First try at love, I guess.”
“Yes,” I said. “You know that I don’t have much experience with that. But I … there’s somebody I …”Just say it.“Somebody I want. Somebody I’ve wanted for a long time. And I’d like to make her something to let her know I appreciate the … the way she is. I know what, and I can do it, but I need tools.”
Drew kept up his pace around the flowerbeds, like Fastest Baby Walker was a sporting event, and I walked along with him. Jack was digging at the sand beside his sisters in a halfhearted sort of way as if he were too old for this, clearly wishing for that basketball game. Finally, Drew said, “Could be better, as you’re not nine, to let her know you want her first and see how she feels about it. Not sure how well the jewelry rack worked in terms of return on investment, eh. Ask her for a coffee instead, maybe. Take her to lunch. Or breakfast. I took Hannah to some pretty memorable breakfasts, back in the day. Of course, I had to fish her out of the sea first.”
“What?” I was confused.
“Yeh,” he said. “Some men are born romantic, some achieve romance, and some have romance thrust upon them. I fished a drowning mermaid out of the sea. You could call that having romance thrust upon you. You’re a pretty good-looking bloke, though. More than that, Hannah says. I’m guessing the girl may say yes without needing the heroics.”
“I’m doing that,” I said. “That is, I’m having dinner with her tonight. Well, with her family.”
Drew’s brows rose again. “Good work. But—wait. With her family? How old is this girl? It’s not Mount Zion out here.”
I opened my mouth, then shut it again, and he said, “Explain.” Still mild, but it was pretty clear I needed to do it.
“She’s eighteen in June. And I know,” I went on, when the expressive eyebrows rose again. “That’s too young, out here. But she’s not from out here. She’s from Mount Zion.”
“Oh.” Drew walked a minute more, thinking, and I waited until he said, “How does she feel about you?”
“I don’t know.” There it was. “She’s a bit shy. And I realize she has to finish school and all. She has a job as well, and that’s good.”
“I can only judge by Daisy,” Drew said. “I barely know her, but I’d say she’s pretty independent. Maybe more independent because of where she came from. Not sure she’d have been keen to get involved with somebody from the cult after she’d escaped it.”
This had been a bad idea, coming here. Or being with Oriana was a bad idea, but it didn’t feel that way. I waited a moment myself, but when nothing brilliant came to me, I said, “Giving her this … it doesn’t mean she has to want me. It doesn’t mean she has to take me. But I need to know I tried. There’ll be other blokes—thereareother blokes who are interested, and there’ll be more, but it’s for the wrong reasons. That she’s pretty, and she’s soft. She could be hurt, because it would be so hard for her to say no. Women aren’t allowed to say no at Mount Zion. And I know it sounds wrong to say, but I know I’m the right man for her, and I’m sure she’s right for me, too. If I try, though, and she does say no, because I’ll take care she knows she can, what have I lost? A few Sundays, that’s all.”
And my heart,I didn’t say, because it wasn’t the sort of thing youcouldsay. But then, my heart had been lost long ago.
I should tell him it was Daisy’s sister, but for some obscure reason, I didn’t want to. Or maybe not for an obscure reason. Because of the “cousin” thing. Because Graywasmy boss, and my job mattered more to me than almost anything, which was why pursuing Oriana was the last thing I should be doing. Yet here I was, doing it anyway.
“Can’t argue with that,” Drew said, “as that was how I felt when I met Hannah. If you aren’t going to give it everything you’ve got, you may as well not even lace up your boots. Sure you don’t just want to get laid, though? Or are you doing that already?”
He didn’t ask it in a joking way. He asked it the way my dad would’ve.
I was starting to sweat now. It was as if he’d seen me watching those videos. As if he knew. “No,” I said. “There’ve been some girls. Some women, who’ve, uh …”
Drew didn’t help. He just looked at me.
“Who seem to be interested,” I said. “In me. Because of how I look, obviously, because it’s not for my money and sophistication. I could get one of them to … to teach me, but I know what I want, and it’s not that. I’ve waited twenty-five years to have sex, and, yeh, that’s old. I can wait longer, though, until it’s right. I’m not ready to be married yet anyway, because I have to be able to give her more than I’ve got now.”
Drew said, “Fair enough. So you need the shed. You’ve got it. Anything else?”
I longed to ask, “Is the way people have sex on the Internet the way it really works, Outside? And if it isn’t, what is?” How could I, though? Instead, I said, “No. Thank you. If there’s anything I can do for you, for Hannah, for the kids, while I’m here, you know you only have to ask. Doing that shopping, maybe, Jack and me. Jack’s a fair hand at shopping. I’d offer to cook, but …”
Drew laughed. “Yeh, nah. I’ve heard stories about the cooking. If Hannah gets another cold, though, I could take you up on the shopping help, especially with the season starting in a couple of weeks. Four kids is heaps, it turns out. Dunno how those Mount Zion people have twelve. Maybe just play some basketball with him for now, eh.”
“I will,” I said. “And thanks. I’ll take care with your tools, and I’ll keep the place clean.”
“I know you will,” Drew said. “Or I wouldn’t have said yes.”
