Page 59 of Kiwi Sin
The demon on my other shoulder answered.
Why can’t she live it with me?
23
THE BROKEN PIECE
Oriana
Gabriel didn’t come to talk to me at the barbecue. Maybe that was because Daisy told me to sit with her and Gray, along with Frankie and Priya, and Gabriel was at a table perpendicular to us—I knew that word, because of maths—with his family. His parents, his sister, his brothers and sisters-in-law.
And with Patience, who was sitting next to him and, as I watched, cutting his steak into pieces, because of his hand, and pouring more lemonade into his glass. Looking at him from under her lashes for a moment, then looking away. Touching her hair, which was curly, pale blond, and so beautiful.
My heart gave such a lurch, I felt a little sick. That was flirting, and Uncle Aaron was watching it, then exchanging a glance with Aunt Constance. Not a “she shouldn’t be doing that” glance, either.
Daisy said, maybe noticing me looking their way, “Did Gabriel hurt his hand? On the job, Gray? Pity.”
Gray hesitated a moment, then said, “No. Not on the job. Got some stitches, too, so he won’t be able to do as much at work. He’s going to be foreman for the rest of it, though, which should work out OK. It’s good to give him the chance.”
I wanted to say, “He is? How wonderful.” I wanted to tell Gabriel … I didn’t quite know what. Congratulations, obviously. I glanced over there again. Everybody was laughing, his dad was lifting his glass in Gabriel’s direction, and Patience was sparkling, smiling, and saying something. Probably something admiring.
Oh. Gray. He didn’t look at me, and I had no idea whether he knew I’d driven Gabriel last night. Maybe Priya had mentioned it, or maybe Gabriel had. The knowledge was trying to burn a hole in me, and I could tell that meant it was a sin. I said, “He hurt his hand cooking. He came to Matiu’s house looking to get it stitched, and I took him to A&E, as he was bleeding pretty heavily and wasn’t really fit to drive himself.”
“Thought you were minding the kids,” Daisy said.
“Priya was there,” I said. “With her phone. There were two of us while the kids were awake.”
“Did you ring Matiu or Poppy?” Daisy asked. “That you were leaving?”
“No,” I said. “I didn’t think of it.”
“That’s a pity,” Daisy said. “Matiu’s my colleague. Remember, he’s employing you partly as a favor to me, and watching those kids was your first responsibility. Also, Gabriel has parents. He has brothers. Why did you have to be the one to take him?”
Frankie said, “Probably because it’s Gabriel, and he’s sohot.”She didn’t say it in an admiring way. She said it in a disgusted way, and she and Priya exchanged a look, like they’d talked about this already in the few hours since Frankie had come back from Wanaka for the long weekend.
“Matiu agrees with you, Daisy,” Priya had to chime in, “because he said, ‘Next time, just ring us and tell us you’re leaving, so we’ll know.’”
I didn’t normally get angry. I got sad, and I felt guilty, but somehow, I never quite made it to “angry,” not the way Frankie did. I was angry now, though. That must be what it was when you felt the blood pulsing in your head like it wanted to getout. I said, “He did say that, and I said I understood, and I was sorry. Also, he said it because I told them I’d left. It wasn’t a secret, and I had blood on my shirt. It was Matiu’s department I took Gabriel to. I told them not to pay me for the hours I was gone, too. Gabriel wasbleeding.He was unsteady on his feet by the time I got him to hospital. Yes, I should’ve thought to ring Poppy. Another time, I’ll do better, but I had to decide, and I decided.”
Daisy said, “That’s fair, and you’re seventeen. That’s why teenagers aren’t given adult responsibilities here, because you haven’t experienced enough. You felt it was a crisis, you made a mistake, and now you’ve learnt. Just so you’re not really thinking of Gabriel as a partner, in case Frankie’s not just being silly. You’re not in the same place, however it feels. He’s full grown, and if he hasn’t had sex yet, he’ll be having it soon. He’s extremely good-looking, and I’m sure he isn’t short of offers. It’s not Mount Zion. He’s a quiet man, and maybe a conservative one, but even if he's looking for a wife and not just sex partners, he’s not looking for a seventeen-year-old, hey, Gray. He’ll want somebody who knows what she’s doing, because he’ll want to learn.”
Frankie said, “Really? This has to be our conversation? About Gabriel’s sex life? About Oriana’s sex life? Pardon, her vague virginal sexual fantasies? Do I want to discuss sex? I do not. It’s not that special anyway,” she told me. “Not for a woman, it isn’t.”
“Well, yes,” Daisy said, “it is. If it’s with a man who cares enough about his partner, and knows what to do. Which is why Gabrielshouldfind those women who are willing to teach him. That way, he may actually learn what to do himself. I can guarantee he doesn’t know it now. He’ll only know how to do what’s guaranteednotto work, because that’s what Mount Zion teaches you. Also, you’ll look silly if you run after him, Oriana, and that won’t feel good at all. Last night was one thing. It felt like an emergency. Fine, although you could’ve rung me in that case, and I’d have come. But, please, don’t make a fool of yourself. It’s so hard when you have to look back on that later and cringe. I’m telling you that because I know. We didn’t grow up like people here. We don’t know how to date, or how to be cool. Wait until you’re a bit older. Just—please wait.”
I said, “I think it’s unfair to talk about him like that. You don’t know what he thinks. Would we like it if he talked about us?”I never said things like that. I neverthoughtthings like that. Somehow, though, I was saying, “He’s kind. Why does he have to be a … a man to you all the time, like that makes him evil, or so … so different? Why can’t he just be aperson?Akindperson?”
“Trust me,” Frankie said, “that’s not how men see themselves around women.”
“Explain to them, Gray,” Daisy said. “And that it’s also not a wonderful thing if he pities her, which he will, because heiskind.”
Gray didn’t look rattled, but then, Gray never looked rattled. He said, “Oriana’s right, and she’s wrong. You’re right, Daisy, that young blokes are going to think about sex, and that they may especially think about it around her, because she’s a very pretty girl. But then, I suspect young women think a fair bit about sex, too. But I don’t think you’re giving the man enough credit. I think he goes deeper than that. I also think that this isn’t really my business, or any of ours, come to that, other than Oriana’s. I don’t see that she did anything really wrong, and it’s not like he’s taken any kind of advantage of her so far, or like she’s asked for our advice. Maybe we should let it go.”
“I’m responsible for her,” Daisy said. I didn’t often hear her being cross with Gray, but I was pretty sure she was now.
“And you’ve done a good job,” Gray said, “helping her navigate her way through all this newness. Some things, though, you have to learn for yourself, mistakes and all. Not sure where the middle ground is for a seventeen-year-old between Mount Zion on the one hand, everything controlled for you, and where you were when you got out, trying to support yourself and get educated and all with nobody to help you. Oriana’s been pretty sensible so far, though. How much do you have in your bank account now?” he asked me.
“Nearly six thousand,” I said.
