Page 64 of Kiwi Sin
“Yes,” he said. “How do you know?”
I’d been so caught up, I realized, I’d gone straight past the point where I should have started to decrease, and I’d have to rip out. I set the needles in my lap and said, “Because I feel the same.”
“Really?” he asked. “I’m glad to be out. Glad to … see more. To do more. But I don’t fit. If I had a wife, maybe it wouldn’t matter. Or we could … we could fit at home. Together. My wife and I.”
He stopped. I couldn’t breathe.
He said, “That’s what I want. I’m working on it. Trying, anyway. To have a future to offer somebody, because it’s what you said. You need money for everything. What about you? What do you want?”
He was my cousin, and he was confiding in me. I should be honored. Iwashonored. I said, trying for lightness, “I don’t know. I keep hearing that I need to finish school, even though there’s no rule that says you have to go through Year 13.”
“I’d like to be done with that as well,” he said. “Technical school, I mean, though it’s been good to learn new things. New methods. But I’ll be glad to have that certification, and more time to work. More opportunity to get ahead, so I can have a home.”
I nodded, but my lips were too numb to say anything. He said, “You’ll be wanting to get back inside. It’s late,” and stood up.
I scrambled to my own feet, and he said, “Gray invited me to dinner with you tomorrow evening. With all of you, I mean.”
“Oh,” I said.
Something odd crossed his face, but he said, “He should’ve asked you first, as I’m guessing you could be cooking it.”
“Yes,” I said. “I mean, yes that I’ll be cooking it, not that he should’ve asked me. It’s his house. He can invite whoever he likes, and I’m happy to cook. Happy to help. Do you … have a favorite? Something you’d like me to make?”
Why was I asking it? And how was I ever going to give him a hat, let alone a jumper? He’d know how I felt then, surely, and he couldn’t know. He was looking for a wife.Planningfor a wife. If I were well past marriageable age now by Mount Zion’s standards, what was he? He’d be asking Gray about it, probably, because men must ask somebody, mustn’t they? You’d have to be introduced, at least.
“Set up,” people said. You got set up for a date. That was probably why he was coming to dinner, to talk about that, because he’d never come before, not by himself. Or he’d already met somebody, maybe at his flat or at a café where he’d gone to dinner, and he wanted advice about how you moved along to getting married. Gray would have advice. He always did.
Wait.Patience. Cutting his meat at the barbecue, and what Aunt Constance had said.
Patience was only sixteen. You needed a Family Court judge’s permission to marry before eighteen—I knew that well enough—and besides, Patience’s parents were still in Mount Zion.
And you think Uncle Aaron couldn’t get their permission? To marryGabriel?The one everybody wanted for their daughter?If Gabriel married her, she wouldn’t sin. She might be Outside, but she’d be safe.
Especially if she got married at sixteen.
Looking at him, then looking away. Touching her beautiful hair.
I heard Aunt Constance’s voice again.He’ll be married before too long, I think. Long past time, really. He’ll be a Godly husband, like his dad. As long as he has the right wife, one who’s glad to let him lead and puts his happiness before her own.
She certainly hadn’t meant me. She’d meant,One who grew up in Mount Zion and has the right attitude, and no worldly sisters.
“I like most things,” Gabriel said. He hesitated, then added, “I know you’re brilliant at sweets. Maybe you could do something like that for after, if it’s not too much work. I miss those, the kind we used to have, the way they tasted so … special. With the fruit and all.”
“Of course,” I said. “If you like.” I’d give the hatto Gray, I guessed. Even though it didn’t match his eyes.
Gabriel said, “Right, then. I’ll see you tomorrow. Be careful driving home. Friday night, eh.” He smiled a little. “Feels like I’m always saying that. Cousin, though.” And left.
25
THE THRILL AND THE SHAME
Gabriel
I left Oriana at the church and walked home, feeling even more confused than I had when I’d started out. It was nearly ten-thirty, I’d worked over ten physical hours today, and I needed to go to bed.
I’d started work at seven this morning, and I’d be at the jobsite—at Gray’s—at the same time tomorrow, Saturday or no, because we were in an all-out push to finish the job now. This was my future, and if Oriana didn’t want me, when she was done with her schooling and whatever else she needed to do, I’d …
I’d find some other way to have a life, however it felt now. It was one thing to be content with the path somebody else laid out for you, hard as that had seemed at times. It was another thing entirely to find a path for yourself, and stay on it. But I’d chosen to be here, and my path, my way forward, was with Gray.
