Page 39 of Kiwi Sin
“No,” I said. “I can’t. But I can tell you that I didn’t sin.”
He sighed again, and it hurt me to cause my father pain. It hurt more, though, to hear what he said next. “Temptation is hard to resist. That’s why it’s called temptation. Oriana’s a good girl. I understand you gave her a gift yesterday. Something we don’t do. Something that singled her out. Do you want to hurt her?”
“No,” I said.
“Then let her live her life.” His dark eyes, so different from my own blue ones, were steady on mine. Not really my dad, and my dad all the way. “She’s chosen to live by the world’s rules, and maybe that’s best for her, given what her sisters are doing. You’re in neither one world nor the other here, though. Too old for her by the world’s rules, and endangering her soul by God’s. And do you imagine Gray will still employ you if you’re pursuing her like this? A man of nearly twenty-five?”
I had no answer for that. He said, “I can tell you. He won’t. It’s not fair to him to put him in that position, as good as he’s been to us. You aren’t doing her any favors by anybody’s rules, and you’re hurting yourself as well. I can’t let that happen to my family. You’re my son in every way that matters, and I have to do what’s best for you. For all of us.”
I tried to imagine what that was, but I couldn’t.Not all of us quitting,I thought.Please.Gray was a good employer. Where would we find a better? But how could I break with my dad? With my entire family? After I’d already left the only home I’d ever known? It was a panicky feeling. Rudderless.
Lost at sea.
Dad put me out of my suspense. “We owe him our gratitude, and our best effort on the job, too, as we’d owe any employer. And we owe him our distance, so he’s not put in this spot again. From now on, there’ll be no more family dinners. We’ll all contribute to get Uriel and Glory their own housing, and your mum and I will take Patience. She can share a room with Harmony, and we can keep her from going the same way as Daisy. She’s too pretty for the world and its temptations, and that spirit she has … it could turn her willful, especially living with the two of them. She’ll need a good husband to keep her on the right path. And you won’t be alone with Oriana again.”
I wanted to say,No. I can’t.It was a sudden, sharp pain, like catching your hand on a nail and feeling the flesh rip. My dad looked at me some more, though, and asked again, “Do you want to hurt her?”
“No,” I said, and swallowed.
I’d known the whole idea was impossible. I’d known it was wrong.
There was no choice.
* * *
Oriana
“What?” I was bleary-eyed from lack of sleep, aching to get to the sewing machine, longing to be alone and think about every detail of the day before, to live it over and over again in my mind. Instead, I’d come home, done my homework, and cooked dinner, telling myself,You can wait. You know how to wait.And had felt the pull of my thoughts as if they were a rope fastened to my chest. Now, I was sitting at the dinner table, listening to …what?
Gray looked tired. “I only know what I’m telling all of you. That Aaron says I’ll have the caravan back at the beginning of July, and that he doesn’t think it’s best for the dinners to continue.”
“But … why?” I asked.
Frankie looked up from where she’d been reading her Chemistry book while she ate—she seemed to look for everything she could possibly do to break Mount Zion rules—and said, “Obviously because we’re too worldly and corrupting. Probably because you ran off with Gabriel, Oriana. Endangering his immortal soul, you temptress. As youbaby-sat.”
“But I—” I tried to say,I wouldn’t. I didn’t.But I would have if I could, and I knew it. Last night, I’d wanted him to kiss me against the door the way we’d seen, to hold me like that.
To take off my clothes.
“That’s probably not it,” Daisy said, as matter-of-factly as always. “Oriana isn’t much of a temptress. Probably just that Uncle Aaron’s realized he can’t have things his way in Gray’s house.”
“Our house,” Gray said.
“Well, no,” Daisy said. “Yours. We both know it, and so does he. It’s yours, and the firm’s yours, and you have too much power. He didn’t realize it at first, because he didn’t know how things work, but now he does, and he’s trying to draw some boundaries. Sensible, really, and I can’t pretend that yesterday was fun. Only going to get worse, I imagine, as everybody finds their way, and do we need all that drama every month? Who’ll be the first to crack? My money’s on Uriel. He’s got a rebellious look in his eye, and Glory and Patienceweren’tin long skirts yesterday, did you notice?”
“My money’s on Patience,” Frankie said. “Once she goes to school?” She slammed the edge of her hand onto the table with decision. “Crack city.She’snot going to a girls’ school. How long will it be before she turns up at the door here, asking for a room? Are you going to give it to her?”
“Of course I am,” Daisy said serenely. “If Gray agrees.”
Gray said, “I’ll do whatever works.”
“For Daisy,” Frankie said.
“Yes,” he said. “For Daisy.”
Daisy and Gray did the washing-up. I went into my room, closed the door, and went to my desk. The white case sat where my schoolbooks normally stood, and I sat down, unbuckled the cover, lifted it off, and ran my hand over the sleek white machine. I plugged in the foot pedal and the power cord, and lifted the presser foot up and down. Then I found a bit of fabric, positioned it carefully, dropped the presser foot, and depressed the pedal.
No bobbin. No spool of thread. No needle. Just a turning, whirring machine, trying and failing to make something happen.
