Page 101 of Kiwi Gold
“I never heard of that,” I said. “For sex?”
“Yeh. Matiu told me, that’s how I know. He bought me a pack of them, too. I’ll give you a few before you go, because I won’t be needing them for a while. It was good of him, but then …” She laughed. “He likes sex. Lucky for me. But can I say?” She was serious again. “Be careful with your heart.”
I didn’t say, “I can’t.”I said instead, “What does a man think—really think—if you don’t have much experience doing all the … all the things? Are there any tricks I should know, that everybody else knows? Anything special?”
She laughed again. “I’m guessing Lachlan has enough experience for two, and that he’ll be just fine teaching you. Turns out that’s fun, too.”
“That thing you said before,” I somehow went on. “About sex toys. Do they work?” I had my hands on my cheeks, and was focusing on breathing. “I can’t believe I just asked you that.”
“Uh …” she said. “What toys are we talking about? Is Lachlan pressuring you into something you don’t want to do? Because that’s a red flag all the way.”
“No!” I hurried to say. “No. But we were talking about positions, and he said, for one of them … a vibrator. The sucking kind.Isthere a sucking kind?”
Now, she wasstaring at me. “Well, yeh. It’s awesome, too. But you’ve been talking about positions? And vibrators? When all you’ve done is kiss? You didn’t sign a contract or anything, did you? Bloodyhell.It’s like a novel. If he brings out the handcuffs and anal beads the first time, run. Fortunately, you’re next door, so you can get there quick.”
“No!” Somehow, I was laughing, and so was she. Great bursts of hilarity. When I could speak again, I said,“No.Do you know me atall?”
“Well, IthoughtI did,” she said, still laughing a bit. “But if he’s talking about that vibrator, does that mean he doesn’t want to use his hands, or his mouth? Red flag again.”
“No,” I assured her. “He talked about using his hands and his mouth, so I know he’s planning on that. I’m all good there.”
“Oh, to be a fly on the wall for this conversation,” she said, her merriment rising again. “Bloodyhell.Who knew? One thing, though. Just … Be careful not to …” She stopped.
“What?” I asked. “I need to know. Whatever it is—tell me.”
“You’ll get hormones,” she said, sober now. “Oxytocin, dopamine, and so forth, if he’s good at it and you have some orgasms, and it sounds like he is and you will. Just don’t mistake them for something else. Just don’t fall in love. Which is rich, coming from me, since I couldn’t possibly have kept myself from it, but then … it was Matiu.”
* * *
Lachlan
Seven-thirty Friday evening, and once again, I was looking in the mirror, fastening my belt. Not jeans, not this time. Charcoal trousers and a white shirt, and that black jacket of mine. I was taking Laila to No. 7 Balmac, where I’d booked a table on the terrace. Wine, candlelight, soft music, and beautiful food. Time to pull out all the stops.
I was nervous, which was odd. I might not know everything in the world, I might not even know much, but I knew how to make love. And even if I hadn’t, Laila’s instruction manuals had turned out to be extremely … well, instructive. Especially now that I knew her preferences.
Maybe it was the more than unsettling feeling that I was sliding backward in my profession, and that I still didn’t know how to fix it. Or, just possibly, that I couldn’t be casual about this. I kept seeing my hands putting that bracelet on Laila, sliding the yellow-gold ring onto her finger and pulling the rest over her hand and fastening the clasp. That, and the softness of her eyes in the mirror. I was all the way gone, and that was the truth.
There was one thing I definitely didn’t know how to do. I didn’t know how to be in love.
I heard thetap-tap-tapon my door, the gentle sound that was Laila knocking, and this time, when I pulled it open, she didn’t fall off her shoes and need me to steady her. That was because she was still in her workday uniform of loose trousers and T-shirt, and in jandals. Running late, then, and I didn’t care.
When I went to kiss her, though, she put up a hand to stop me, and my heart sank. Oh. She’d changed her mind. I stood there like a fool, dressed for an evening she didn’t want, and thought,You knew this would happen. You can’t screw around like that with everybody knowing and then turn around and tell her you’ve changed.
Or maybe it was the contract after all. My failure.
She said, “I can’t go.” Looking agitated.
I said, “At least you told me in person, not with a text,” tried not to let it matter so much, and failed again.
She said, “I should’ve sent the text, because I could be contagious. But I wanted to see you. To tell you.” She pushed at her hair, which for once wasn’t entirely neat.
I said, “Somebody’s ill.” Which shouldn’t make me happy, but was doing it anyway.
“Gastroenteritis. Both girls, of course. Poppy rang and said her kids started getting ill last night, and that Matiu said that was what it was, and we were over there for dinner a few hours before that. I was hoping, but sure enough, it started about an hour ago. Amira first, and now Yasmin. At least we won’t have infected any of my babies, thank goodness, but I can’t leave the girls like this, even if it were fair to Oriana and Priya, which it isn’t. I sent them home as soon as Yasmin got sick the first time. I just hope Priya doesn’t catch it.” She said all of that fast, because she was nervous. Worried that I wouldn’t care anymore if she couldn’t give me everything I wanted, probably. I didn’t have to know much to see that.
I said, “What can I do?”
“Just …” She swallowed, and she couldn’t quite meet my eyes. “Just don’t be angry. Please.”
