Page 91 of Just Say Christmas
43
One Hundred Percent
ZORA
Zora was sitting on the bed, her hands gripping the edge of the mattress, when Rhys came in. She said, “Hi. Sorry about that.”
“No worries.” He sat beside her and took her hand, and she tried to summon some energy here. He said, “I couldn’t sort out which to do first. Talk to you, Isaiah, or Casey. Decided to start with you, maybe because I thought of you last, when I should’ve thought of you first. Should’ve talked it over with you first, definitely.”
“No,” she said. “Sometimes, you have to go with the moment. That was the moment. We were right not to tell her in the beginning. It would’ve made . . . whatever you call it. Attachment.Realattachment, secure attachment. It would’ve made it so much harder, if she didn’t believe in you all the way. But clearly, it’s time to tell her now. It’s tough, but it was always going to be tough.”
“But there’s you,” he said. His eyes were steady, as always. So was his voice. He felt rock-solid. “That’s the part I didn’t think of. If this all comes out, everybody will know about Dylan. Everybody’s going to know he cheated.”
“On the other hand,” she said, “everybody will know you didn’t. You do what you do, and you get what you get. Hedidcheat. And what does it matter now, to me? Embarrassing, maybe, but not as embarrassing as when he did it. I knew already, after all, and so did everybody who knew him. His teammates. Your whanau. Your players, if they’re old enough. Itdoesmatter to me that your name is cleared. After all . . .” She tried to smile. “You’ll be my husband. Maybe I want people to know that I chose better this time. Could be my pride on the line that way, you never know.”
“But it still hurt,” he said. “Having me say it. You ran away.”
“I ran away because I was sick. Too much . . . discussion. I’m not going to say about what, because I’ll get sick again.” Her mind did it for her.Fish guts.Her head started to swim, and she said, “Sorry. I . . . I’m just going to lie back here. Give me a second, and then we’ll go talk to the kids together. Best, don’t you think?”
He said, “I’m going to ask you, later, about how long you’ve been tired, and feeling ill. About whether you need to see a doctor. I’d like to ask you now. Also about that ‘husband’ part. Sounds good to me.”
“But . . .” she said slowly, and stopped.
“But?” he asked.
She sat up again. Not too fast. That was all right. “I don’t want to ask it. Sounds weak. But . . . you won’t cheat, right? I know you won’t. Why do I need to hear you say it?”
He took a minute, and she waited. Nearly trembling. Hating that she’d asked. Hating that she’d needed to. “Because you thought you knew before,” he said. “And faith’s a hard thing to get back.”
She rested her head against his shoulder, because it was such a strong place, and he put his arm around her. She admitted it, finally. “I could have to work on it. I seem to be making progress. Stopping with the weddings was a big step. Probably why I’m so off-balance. Still getting used to that one.”
He ran his hand over her hair. It wasn’t as tidy as it ought to be, but he didn’t seem to care, because he said, “You know those wedding vows we’ll be making? I’ll mean them. And it’ll matter to me exactly as much that you mean them, too. Faith doesn’t come from magic. It comes from every single day you keep it.”
She was going to cry, except that as usual, she didn’t have time to cry, so she smiled instead. “Right, then. Five minutes to get some clothes on, and we talk to the kids. Maybe one at a time. Isaiah first, because we’ll need his help with Casey.”
“See?” Rhys said. “That’s why I need you. Because you tend to have a better plan.”
* * *
RHYS
Isaiah was in his room. Sitting on the carpet, scowling at his LEGO robot, looking frustrated. When Zora knocked at the half-open door and they went inside, he threw the piece down and said, “I can’t get this to work right.” A tremble in his voice.
Zora dropped down beside him, and Rhys sat down, too. Getting on the other fella’s level was always good. He waited, and Zora said, “It can be hard to concentrate when you’re upset. I had a hard time just now, too. This is a hard subject for me.”
Isaiah looked up at that, his eyes wary. “It is?”
Zora took his hand. Lightly. No pressure. She said, “Yes. Because I have to tell everybody that your dad wasn’t faithful to me. That’s what it’s called.”
“Having sex with other people,” Isaiah said.
“Yes. And that hurts. It can feel embarrassing, because it can feel like it’s about me. That I wasn’t important enough for him to keep his promise. It hurt when I found out. It still hurts. It helps, though, to tell myself that it isn’t really about me. It’s about him. Uncle Rhys was right. He wasn’t a bad person. He was a mixed-up person.”
“Like how he didn’t take me fishing,” Isaiah said. “Or play rugby with me, like Uncle Rhys does. Even though I was a little kid then, and he was gone to England mostly, so maybe he just didn’t have time.”
“You’re right,” Zora said. “He was so happy when you were born. He was proud of you, and he loved you. He wasn’t a perfect person, but he made you with me. That was a pretty good thing to give me. You were such a good thing to get.”
“Also,” Isaiah said, “Uncle Rhys is a lot like a dad. He’s good at discussing scienceandpracticing rugby, and he has more time.”
