Page 36 of Just Say Christmas
“Twelve and four. Zack was six before I knew he existed, so I’ve had some catching up to do.”
“Learning on the job,” Luke said.
“You could call it that. It was a bit rocky at times. I reckon my dad’s a lot like yours. I never played for Grant, but I’ve heard stories. Could be that we aren’t too keen to learn by example.”
Luke smiled. “No. That’s true enough.”
“What about you?” Koti asked. “Planning to come back to En Zed, once you’ve hung up the boots? Must be a bit odd, belonging to so many places. France. England. New Zealand. Hard to imagine, but then, I’m a Maori boy. Hard to be away from home soil. Depends on your partner, too, I guess.”
Here they were. The moment of truth. Easier to say it the first time to only the two of them, at least he hoped so.
He’d done so many hard things in his life. He’d cut his ties over and over again and started fresh, stepping out into the unknown. This, though, felt like not so much of a step as a drop straight off the cliff.
No choice. Do it.
“No partner anymore,” he said. “He wanted it to be New Zealand once I retired, though he was French. He was thinking he’d open a restaurant down here, as he was a chef. He got tired of waiting for me to front up, though, and that’s over. I’m not sure now. Whether I’ll come back or not.”
His hands didn’t shake around his second mug of tea, and his eyes didn’t waver. He waited.
You could get anywhere if you were willing to take the hit to do it. Time to take the hit. This past year had been too hard for anything else. Whatever happened, it couldn’t be as bad as what already had. Besides, what he’d told Kane was true. Secrets were too hard to keep. He’d kept his for more than thirty years. That was long enough.
A second passed, then Koti said, “I hadn’t heard that. That your partner was a chef. Sorry about that. Especially as hewasa chef. One can only dream.”
“It wouldn’t be easy, I guess,” Nico said, addressing the real issue. “Being the first.”
“Oh, we’re being honest,” Koti said. “Right, then. It could be worth it all the same, even if youarethe first. Nobody wants to hide in the shadows. Nobody wants to be hidden there, either.”
“Yeh,” Luke said. He’d faced down so many things, but suddenly, here in this room, with the birds singing their hearts out, the pale dawn creeping through the windows, and not a threat to be seen, his throat was closing up. He tried to breathe. It was an effort. He had to put his hands under the benchtop, afraid they’d shake. “You’ve put your finger on it. It looked like I was ashamed. To him. Maybe he was right. Time to stop being ashamed and be who I am.”
“You’d be one hell of an ambassador, though,” Nico said thoughtfully. “The skipper. The hard man. A prop, too. Not much to laugh at there. Not much anybody could say. It’s not like you’re a fullback like me.”
“Or pretty like both of us,” Koti said. “Good job you’re such an ugly bastard, I reckon. And you wouldn’t be the first, I’m sure of that. Just the first to come out while he was still playing.”
“That what you’re back here for, then?” Nico asked. Looking past Luke’s reserve, and figuring it out. There was a reason Nico was still the All Blacks’ preferred fullback. His precision, and his vision.
“How did you know?” Luke asked.
“Mate,” Nico said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Because you told us. We’re practice, eh. For telling the family, and then the team?”
“Yeh.” Now, Luke’s hands were definitely shaking. It was that hand on his shoulder. It was Nico touching him without thinking twice, the way he’d have done before. “Told my mum last week. That was a moment, if you like.”
Koti stood up, and for an instant, Luke’s heart sank. “Another cup of tea,” he said. “That’s what my own mum would say. Seems about right.”
“What did she say?” Nico asked. “Your mum?”
“Said . . .” Luke took a breath. “Said, ‘Eh, I hope you’re not going to go around waving some flag now, or marching in some parade. Nobody needs to know your business.’” He tried a smile. “She’s from Yorkshire.”
“How about Kane and Nyree?” Koti asked.
“How about Nyree what?” The woman herself came into the kitchen yawning, tying the sash of a dressing gown over the top of her bump, then stood, transfixed, staring at him.“Luke.You came.” And then she was across the floor and in his arms.“Thankyou. I can’t believe you’re here.” She was laughing, standing back, then holding him again. “I didn’t think you would.”
“Nah,” he said, and now, he had to clear his throat. “I wouldn’t have missed your day. Getting big, eh.”
“Yes. The baby’s huge, no surprise.” Marko came in behind her, and she said, “Marko, look who came to my party. It’s Luke.”
That was the same. For now. Marko was shaking his hand, clapping him on the back, but looking as uncompromising as ever. If anybody knew about confronting Grant Armstrong, it was Marko.
“You didn’t bring anybody with you, though,” Nyree said. “You know Mum’s going to have something to say about that. She worries about you.”
