Page 19 of Just Say Christmas
The day after that, his last day, he finally went for a long walk with Ella, where he filled his lungs with the thin, clean air of the Southern Alps, which smelled so different from home, like heather and oxygen, held her hand, and talked about his season, her school, Marko and Nyree and their plans, and various other subjects that arose. About anything, in fact, but Hugh, Tom’s skipper, or Josie, or the boys, whose shadow hovered like an albatross over the two of them. They stopped to look over Lake Tekapo after an hour or so of that, and she said, “The pale blue comes from glacial silt. I’m telling you that because people always ask.”
“Mmm,” he said, and she said, not looking at him, the words tumbling out with the sort of headlong courage he’d seen from the first day he’d met her, “If you don’t want to do this anymore, that’s OK. You can just say it.”
“What?” He stared at her. “Why would I not want to do it?”
“Because.” She gestured around her. At the lake, the mountains . . . at what? What was he meant to be seeing here? “Because we’re different. Because we’re a long way apart. Because . . .” She looked at him straight on. “I’m still sixteen, and I had two babies barely two months ago, and I’m not even healed from it yet, plus I’ve still got pudge. I’m awesome, still, I think,” she hurried on when he didn’t say anything, because he couldn’t think of what to say, “but I’m maybe not awesome now. To be a girlfriend or anything, or a rugby WAG.”
He started to smile. He couldn’t help it. “Why d’you think I’m here, then?” he asked. “If you’re not awesome now? And I’m not so special, you know. I’m just a rugby player. Didn’t go to University, and I’m not that good at maths. Whereas you’re brilliant, and you’re beautiful. That’s why I’m here. Why do you think?”
“Because you’re too awesome yourself to break up long-distance?” Her own smile had started, irrepressible as the dawn, and something that had been wound tight in her was loosening. He could see it in her shoulders, and he could see it in her face.
“Or maybe,” he said, “because I don’t want to break up at all.” He touched a strand of hair, rubbed it between his fingers, and smiled down into her eyes. “And because I love you. Sixteen, seventeen, doesn’t matter. I can’t help it. Reckon I’m stuck.”
The next time he’d seen her had been on Boxing Day, which was also his twentieth birthday, when she’d come to Kerikeri and methisfamily, and when he’d had two e-tickets to Fiji sitting on his phone like a promise. And shehadbeen seventeen, with enough time and enough distance to think twice.
He’d collected her from the airport in Whangarei, and she’d come out of the gate, seen him, taken off running, and leaped into his arms, laughing all the way. After that, they’d driven an hour north, and he’d felt the weight of the world slip away.
“No more being a teenager for you,” she told him. “Though I’m not sure you ever were.”
“What?” he asked. “Why would you say that? I’ve done heaps of stupid things.”
“Yeh, well,” she said dryly, “maybe not as many as I have.”
“More than you have, I’m pretty sure,” he said. “Just haven’t been caught as much.” And she laughed.
They went home, and she met his own mum and dad, his two younger sisters and younger brother, his older brother, his partner, and their baby, and she looked as comfortable with all of it as if it were the twentieth time, and not the first. They might be from different islands, and you could even say they were from different worlds, but it didn’t feel like it. She shook pink-and-white hundreds and thousands onto his birthday cake with his mum, and kept him company while he barbecued the big packhorse crays he and his dad had caught this morning for his birthday tea.
She didn’t eat as much lobster as he’d expected, though, and she didn’t eat any ice cream at all, and he asked in surprise, “Feeling all right?”
“Yeh, why?” she asked, looking startled.
“Ever since I met you,” he tried to explain, “I’ve been taking you to eat. Thought it was your hobby.”
“Tom,”his youngest sister Veronica said with a sigh, but then, Veronica tended to be dramatic. “That’s, like, the least romantic thingever.”
“Wouldn’t say it was your best effort, no,” his dad said.
Ella said, “I’m not pregnant anymore. That’s why,” and his parents and siblings looked at each other.
“What?” Ella asked. “It’s not a secret, is it? Everybody knows, I thought. If not—oh, well. You all know now.”
Tom put his arm around her, kissed her cheek, and said, “Happy birthday to me. Got my girl back, haven’t I.” And this time, he was the one whose shoulders were loosening up.
After the washing-up was done, when the light had turned to gold and the sea to sapphire, he took her to the beach, at the south end, the quiet end, of Matauri Bay. There were boats out still, taking full advantage of the holiday, and a few families and backpackers on the beach, up north by the campground, but nobody in the water, not this late. It was calm out, the receding tide leaving undulating ripples on the sand, the low, slanting rays of the sun turning the water to gold, the low mounds of the Cavalli Islands deep emerald across the water. He stripped off his shirt and tossed it in his favorite spot near the big rock, but didn’t have to take off his jandals, because he’d been barefoot since they’d got home from the airport.
“First time I’ve seen you in your element,” Ella said. “It’s a bit intimidating, to be honest.” She was taking off her own top, sounding like herself again, confident and free. Maybe it was the breeze up here, or the water, or the colors, or just being alone. She tossed the shorts next, revealing the bottom half of her white bikini, which was just about as spectacular as the top half, and said, “I’ve lost almost all the weight from the babies, so you know. I’ve still got stretch marks, though, because twins. They’ll never go all the way away, which means this is about as good as it gets. I’ve been running, though, and I had Marko do a fitness plan for me. If we’re going to Fiji, I thought I’d better, you know, get ready. Plus, there’s the rest of my life. So here I am. What do you think? Also, I’m nervous about having sex again. You’re only the second person, and you’ve done it heaps more than I have anyway. I’m not even sure I’ll like it. I didn’t like it much before. The kissing was good, and the touching, so I thought I’d like the rest of it, but I didn’t. Not nearly what it’s cracked up to be, if you ask me. I’m telling you that, because I haven’t been able to work out if it’s better to go to Fiji first and then find out, or, you know, find out first, in case it doesn’t work out, so you can get some money back on the tickets and the place and all. It’s a long way to go just to dive with some random girl you don’t even want to have sex with. But I’m not sure how to find out, not if we’re never going to be alone. And I’ve been waiting to say that for more than two months, so please say something now. I’m really nervous.”
He laughed. She looked shocked, and he said, “Ella. No. I’m just . . . I’m . . .” He had her in his arms, was kissing her mouth, his arms around her, touching her skin, and all of her curves, for the very first time. It wasn’t a very big bikini, and he was devoutly happy for it. She’d put herself out there and no mistake, but then, Ella had always had courage. “If you don’t like it,” he promised, “we’ll do it differently. We’ll do it until we get it right. If you’ve liked the kissing with me, you’ll like the rest. Once we get it right.”
“Are you sure you can?” she asked. “And what ifIcan’t makeyouhappy? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m worried about that, too.”
“Oh,” he said, “you’re going to make me happy. Blokes are pretty simple that way. That still doesn’t mean it can’t get better. The secret’s taking your time and caring about your partner, at least I’m pretty sure it is. Could be I’ve forgotten myself. It’s been a while. I met this girl, you see. For right now, I’m going to kiss you, and you can tell me how you like that. I have to kiss you, to tell you the truth, because you’re killing me with this bikini.”
“I am?” she asked. “I’m still a bit curvy.”
This time, he laughed until his belly hurt, and when he kissed her, he was still smiling. Fortunately, so was she.
They hadn’t managed to be alone long enough to make it happen until theyhaddone that trip to Fiji, two days later. He hadn’t worried a bit, and he’d been right. He might have waited ten long months to do it, but bloody hell, what a payoff. Call that a week in paradise.
