Page 106 of Just Come Over
Which didn’t matter, because he couldn’t say it.
She grabbed the edge of the bar, and he said, “I’m sorry.” Which wasn’t nearly enough to say, but what else did he have?
She swallowed hard, and then her blue eyes met his. A world of pain in there. She took a breath, then asked, “What’s the other thing?”
Nothing wrong with her courage, then or now.
He said, “I’m seeing Zora, and I plan to marry her as soon as we can.”
It took her a moment. Shock, was what that was. “Your sister-in-law? Dylan’s wife?ThatZora?”
Now, he saw something else besides hurt. Anger. Fury, in fact. That was good, though. Better to think he was a son of a bitch than that something was wrong with her. That was how Zora had felt—that she wasn’t desirable enough for Dylan to stick to, that she didn’t mean enough to him to matter.
Anger was definitely better.
“Yeh,” he said. “That Zora.”
The fella behind the bar set his flat white down in front of him, probably considered whether to ask about ordering food, and prudently decided that the answer was “No,” because he headed to the other side of the place instead.Explosion imminent,his posture said. Which was what Vic’s said, too.
“Were you... sleeping with her?” Vic was barely getting the words out. “While we were married? Was that why it was so awkward? Why you went so odd while he was dying? Just waiting, were you? I thought it was me, but it was you, wasn’t it?” Her fingers shook on the bar, and he knew that if he did grab them, they’d be ice. When she took too much emotion on board, her body went cold. Trying to shut down, or to send the blood to the parts that needed it. Her heart, and her brain. Trying to stay in control.
She couldn’t stand to lose control, because it meant letting the hurt in. He knew how she felt. He’d had forty years to find out.
Stay calm,he told himself.Show some maturity. Show some bloodycompassion.Take what she has to dish out. She’s going to need to know she said it.“No,” he said. “Not before we were married, and not while we were married, or while she was, either. I didn’t sleep with anybody else while you and I were married. Not until I moved out, anyway. Didn’t kiss anybody else, for that matter, from the time I married you.” He could give her that, anyway. Maybe.
“And you expect me to believe that.” She stood up, nearly stumbling over the stool in her haste, not a bit like cool, collected Victoria. “You were in love with her all along. You were holdingbackall along. That was what was wrong, not me. Do you know how much I thought it was me? Youbastard.”
He stood up himself. “I don’t expect you to believe anything. I’m telling you the truth anyway, because it matters to me that I do, and because whatever you think now, I care about you. I wasn’t a good enough husband. I could say that was because I’d always been so focused on getting out, on moving up out of where I’d started, and that being single-minded about my career was the only way I knew how to do that. I could say that I thought I was doing the right thing for you, too, making a better future for both of us. The truth is that getting married at all was probably a mistake. You deserved better.”
She’s not perfect, either,he’d told himself at the time, pulling up the same old list of grievances. They didn’t matter, not anymore.
“Yes,” she said. “I did deserve better.” She laughed, an angry huff of breath, shoved her hair out of her face, looked around like she wanted to be anywhere else, like all she wanted was to escape. He knew how she felt. “You were so...unavailable.”The tears were there, he could tell, but she wasn’t letting them out. “I know the word now. I’ve learned it. And it doesn’t help a bit. I want to slap you.” Her voice had begun to tremble. “I want to scream at you. I want to... burn down yourhouse.And I don’t believe you.” She blinked hard, forcing the tears back. Guts again, or too much control, because surely, she needed to let it go.
“I know you don’t.” His chest ached with a pain worse than any loss. There was no next game where you could redeem yourself. These mistakes, you had to live with forever. “I loved you. I just wasn’t good at it.”
She said, “I can’t hear any more. I’m going.”
He said, “Fine. I’ll pay for your drink.”
“Fuck you,” she said. And left.
Zora was running the vacuum in the lounge when she jumped at a touch on her arm.
“Sorry,” Hayden said when she turned the machine off. “You didn’t answer my knock.”
“Don’tscareme like that.”
“You? I’m the one who was attacked in here. I could develop an aversion.”
“You weren’t attacked. It was a fend.”
“Excuse me, were you here? Flew across the room, didn’t I.” He looked around. “Where’s Isaiah?”
“Cleaning his room. Supposedly. Or playing with his robots with Casey, more likely. She’s meant to be dusting.”
“Coast is clear, then. Good.”
He sat at the end of the couch, and she headed into the kitchen, came back with a bottle of cleanser and two sponges, and handed him one of them. “If you’re going to talk to me, talk while we work. Bathroom. I have an hour to spend on this. Why are you here? I thought you had a date last night.”
