Page 54 of Just Come Over
Zora took a breath. Why hadn’t she said this before, as much as she’d been thinking about it? She always stayed in her lane with her parents, but she was thirty years old, and a mother herself. Maybe it was time to change lanes. She said, “Dylan cheated on me, you know.” There the words were, right out there. “Often, I think. I suspected it for a long time, and around the time he got ill, I found some old text messages. I wasn’t even looking for them. I didn’t want to know, and I found out. Anyway, there’s no such thing as not letting yourself know. You always know. I stayed anyway, all the way until he died, but I’m all done with that kind of loyalty. I’m not putting myself into that position again.”
She was so tired of dragging this around, and wondering whether it had been her own failing that’d had Dylan looking elsewhere. She needed to put it where it belonged and move on, and to do that, she needed to say it. The day she’d found those texts had been a terrible one, the kind of day when the sun turned red in the sky, when time froze and all the blood drained from your head, and you’d forever remember standing in the kitchen, your hand gripping the phone until your knuckles turned white, as you stared down at the screen and every last damning piece slipped into place, and you realized your entire life had been built on a lie.
It had been a bad day, but there’d been so many bad days, and it wasover.
Her mum stopped scrubbing at the roasting pan. “Oh. Well,” she added after a minute, “it happens.”
“Ithappens?”Not the reaction Zora had expected. Where was the outrage? Where was the mother-daughter bonding?
“Of course it does. You’re not a baby. He didn’t marry any of those other girls, did he? Didn’t ask for a divorce, either, unless I’m very much mistaken, and I don’t think I am, because he loved you, and he wanted to be married to you. That was plain to see. I may not have approved at the time, but you had a lovely life together, until the last bit, and everybody admired what you did for him. You say you don’t want to be loyal anymore, but that’s what marriage is. It’s not loyalty to somebody perfect, it’s loyalty to somebody who isn’t. He didn’t buy enough life insurance, of course, and that’s a pity, but then, you didn’t see to it that he did. And there are two sides to every story.”
Zora’s mouth was trembling so hard, it was difficult to form the words. “No. There are not two sides. We took vows. He broke his. How is that two sides?” She’d been wiping crystal glasses with a tea towel. She stopped, because otherwise, she was going to break something. Her hands were shaking. “Did Dad cheat, is that what you’re saying?DoesDad cheat?”
Yes, she’d said it. Talk about getting out of your lane.
“If he does,” her mother said, her voice tightening, but her hands never stopping, “I don’t worry about it. I take care to keep myself looking my best, and thirty-four years after we met, he’s still coming home to me.” She shot a glance at Zora’s shorts and blue shirt, which she hadn’t bothered to change. For rebellious reasons, maybe. “A doctor’s always going to notice that. What am I saying? Any man’s going to notice that. You may want to pay more attention to your diet, darling. You’re getting a wee bit bigger in the derrière, I’ve noticed. We both tend to be bottom-heavy, if we don’t watch it, because you have my face and figure, for better or worse. I’ve found measuring to be very helpful. Weigh yourself every morning, and measure your waist and hips once a week. It’s so much easier to lose one Kg than it is ten, and to shift those wee fat deposits when theyarewee.”
“Why would I care?” Zora asked. “If he’s going to cheat anyway, what’s the point in my perfection?” She was furious, but she was also fascinated. Had she been raised by dinosaurs? Apparently so. No wonder she kept having trouble with her attitude toward Rhys, and remembering exactly what Casey’s presence in his life meant. It was subliminal messaging, that was what. She was going to share this with Hayden as soon as they got back to her place.Withwine. If he thought cheating was OK, too, or that it was her fault, because she wasn’t hot enough, she was... she was going to throw him out and drink the whole bottle by herself, and to hell with her five o’clock start tomorrow morning. Everybody in the world could think it was OK. She still wasn’t going to, even if she was alone forever.
“You don’t want to be alone forever, surely,” her mother said, and there was Zora’s problem, right there. She was absolutely transparent. “You adored Dylan. So did I. So did everybody. He wasn’t perfect, but he had so many fine qualities, and your life was so much easier than it is now. You weren’t meant to go through the world without somebody to help you. I can hear you now, thinking, ‘You and Dad should help me more, then,’ but your daddidhelp, with advice that, I’ll point out, you haven’t taken, because you sold that beautiful house anyway. If we helped you financially, we’d be passing the problem down, wouldn’t we? Next thing you know, Isaiah would be looking for a handout.”
“My life is fine.” Zora was going to explode. Physically explode. They’d be picking bits of her off the walls. “I’ve been lucky. I was well off, and then I was less well off, but come on, Mum. I own a home. I own a business. I have a wonderful son with a brilliant mind and a kind heart. People would kill for my life. And I’ve never asked you for a handout. Neveronce.Also, a man who lies to me isn’t somebody I’m going to adore, not anymore. How would my life possibly be better with another man like that? I paid attention, with Dylan. I paid all the attention thatgotpaid. I made all the decisions about our life, about our house, and about Isaiah. I didn’t gain weight, either, whatever you say. Not that it would be any excuse, because I would’ve gained it having hisbaby.I didn’t cheat. Why is it OK if Dylan did? Why is it OK that he worked at rugby, and nothing else? And not always even that? Why is it OK that he didn’t work atme?”
It was so wrong, she’d thought, to feel contempt for your husband. She’d always run from it, had shoved it down and stamped on top of it. Now, she faced it. “He wasn’t a grownup,” she said. “I was. And if I let myself see that, if I admit how angry I was about it, I don’t think I’m the one with a problem. I think that’s healthy. I do. I don’t want to go through my life angry, but I need to say it in order to let it go.”
“It may be healthy,” her mum said, beginning to lose her equilibrium at last, “but it’s not going to get you anywhere in another relationship. It’s idealism, is what it is, and it’s not one bit realistic. You weren’t a star. You weren’t living in hotels half the time, far from your wife and child, handsome and talented and so charming, with women throwing themselves at you everywhere you went. Men need release, and they can separate the emotional from the physical so much better than we can. If you know that he cheated, you probably confronted him with it, didn’t you? I’m sure you did. And he told you it didn’t mean anything, because it didn’t. He told you that you were the only woman he loved. You can blow up at me all you like, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Dylan was a loving, kind, generous husband.”
“Men needrelease?That’s the reason? Don’t women need release, too? It doesn’t take another person to get it. That’s what they make shower heads for.”
No scrubbing happening anymore.“Zora Adrianne.” Her mum’s voice was sharp. “Nobody—and I mean nobody—wants a woman with that kind of mouth.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Zora was feeling absolutely reckless, driving with the top down, throwing caution to the winds for the second time today. It felt good. In fact, she wanted to laugh. Could be hysteria. “I think I know some men who do. Maybe they aren’t lovely. Maybe they’re even a bit rough around the edges. An honest man I can be honest with, though? He’ll do.”
Her mother turned to face her. There was judgment there, and Zora didn’t care. “Who’s your example, then? Rhys Fletcher, whom you’re kissing in the bathroom? I’m not even going toaskabout that. I’m just going to hope it’s what you told Isaiah, because anything else would be shameful. Yes, I’m going to say the word. Shameful. And don’t get on your high horse with me. You can hardly get more rough around the edges than Rhys Fletcher, and you just told me that, surprise! He has a daughter. How will his wife feel when she hears about that? Except that she already knows, and obviously, if the girl’s six, that wasn’t the thing that ended their marriage. Why? Because she accepted the good and the bad together.”
Zora was having trouble breathing. She tried to say something, but it wouldn’t come out.
Her mother put a hand on her shoulder and softened her tone. “All I’m asking, darling, is that you consider being a little more practical. Yes, you were hurt, and I understand that, but it was years ago. It’s over and done. Marriage is a partnership. All partnerships involve compromise. You get something, and you give something. I’m not saying not to pursue your career. I was never more upset than when you gave up your architecture, was I? Art was my own dream, and I couldn’t have been happier to know you were going to be doing something so close to that. I told you not to get pregnant, too, but you did anyway. You made your own choices, like we all do. Dylan was your choice. You had your eyes open, I thought. That’s fine. Keep them open. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face now. Don’t look for perfection and overlook somebody good enough, who can give you what you need. Just make him somebody suitable next time, somebody you have a real future with, for Isaiah’s sake. You’ve got what I can only call a lowbrow side, darling, and it’s not your best side. A plastic surgeon isn’t going to look like a Maori rugby star. Nobody gets everything, so take care what you put highest on your list.”
“I thought Dylan was lovely,” Zora said, when she could say anything. “What happened to that?”
“You didn’t seem to think so,” her mum said, in a stunning display of illogic. “And who knows who it’ll be next time?”
Zora tried to think of an answer. She couldn’t. “I’m not looking for perfection,” she finally told her mother. “I’m not looking for anything at all. I’ve got everything in the world I need. Right down to the shower head.”
Rhys headed up the wide stone steps of Finn’s house in Mount Eden at nine the next morning, and because he didn’t feel like jumping up them two at a time, he did just that. The body went where the mind took it.
Finn answered the door with his youngest kid, dressed only in a nappy, in one big arm. He took a long look at Rhys and asked, “Why do you look as buggered as you did a week ago?”
Rhys could have answered,Because I couldn’t sleep.Instead, he said, “Never mind. Let’s go over those plans.”
Jenna appeared in the doorway. “Hi, Rhys,” she said, and he bent down, kissed her cheek, and thought again what a nice woman she was. She said, “I met Casey on Saturday, did Zora tell you? What a sweetheart. Congratulations. That sounds funny to say, when she’s six, but kids come to you in all sorts of ways. Wonderful to see Zora again, too.” After that, she smiled some more, took the toddler from Finn, and headed back into the house, and Rhys thought,I’m surrounded by mums and dads and kids, and it’s all right. When did that happen? And how is it that I’m almost there, but I feel nowhere close?
Finn said, “Let’s go golfing.”
“We’re not going golfing,” Rhys said. “Too much to do, mate.”
“We’ll talk while we golf. Efficient, eh. Nine holes. Got your clubs in your boot?”
