Page 96 of No Kind of Hero
Gracie pounded on his leg. “Dada,” she said. “Up.” So he picked her up, of course. And then he looked at Beth and said, “Is she OK? April?”
“Yes,” she said. “I think she is. This is such a hard step for her, and she can still change her mind. But I don’t think she will. And by the way?” She was starting to get teary again. “This is why I love you. Because that was the first question you asked.”
Gracie was squirming, so Evan set her down. He told Beth, “Thank you. I wish I could do something for you. Say something better.”
“Well, you know.” She swallowed hard. Here it came. Jumping once more, out into nowhere. Out into the future. “There is something you could do. You’ve got a job vacancy here. I’d like to apply for the job.”
“What job’s that?”
She took a breath, and she said it. “Mom. Maybe something else, too. Maybe so.”
He stared at her for a long moment, and it was a good thing she’d taken that breath, because now, she couldn’t breathe at all. Finally, he stood up, said, “Just a minute,” and left the kitchen.
Well,thatwasn’t exactly what she’d been going for. She told Gracie, who was pounding on her tool bench now with Henry patiently enduring the noise, “We’ll call that ‘slow to warm up,’ I guess. Maybe I was still too chicken, do you think? Maybe I should have bought a ring.”
Gracie kept pounding, and Beth tried not to feel rejected and pretty much failed. Evan did things on his terms, though, and he never spoke until he was sure. That was what she loved about him. But she knew why she’d never asked a guy out, too. Rejection sucked.
All that was breezy, but breezy was better than weeping. She’d done that enough today. She opened the dishwasher and put away a couple coffee cups, wiped the counters down, and thought,OK. Process.
Evan came back into the room, and she said, “I’m going for a walk.”
“No,” he said. “We need to talk.”
“Oh, boy. Famous last words.” She tried to make it jaunty even as her heart sank. Her mind was nothing but confusion.
No.
“All right,” she said. “I spoke too soon. Well, too bad. I can live in fear, or I can move forward in hope. I choose hope. I love you, and I know you love me. If it’s not the right time yet? Too bad. I’m sticking. I’m not running out on this. If you want me to go, you’re going to have to throw me out.”
He stared at her. “What?” And then he started to laugh. “Oh, man. This had better be one of those memories you talk about on your golden anniversary, that you tell your kids. One of those family legends. Because I’m screwing this upbad.”
That you tell your kids.“What?” Her heart had done too many gymnastics today. Right now, it was trying to beat out of her chest. “Evan. This needs to be good, because I’m . . . I’m . . .”
“Yeah,” he said. “I know. Me too.”
It wasn’t supposed to have been like this. He’d had aplan.
But then, he’d had lots of plans in his life. And somehow, the best things had come out of nowhere. Like Gracie. Like Beth.
“Come here a minute,” he said. “I’m going to do this right.”
He didn’t think she was breathing too well, but then, he wasn’t either. He took her hand and took her over to the back of the kitchen, to the wall that had French doors in it now, because it opened onto the patio and pergola he’d spent all September building her. But she was the one who’d painted it white.
In the spring, they’d have roses. Pink ones. He’d picked them out already.
He told her, “I was going to do this on December twenty-seventh. The day I watched you come in the door of the theater and smile at me like I was all you wanted to see. The night we walked by the lake, and you were wearing your fluffy white hat, and I kissed you for the first time. The day I fell in love. It would have been ten years, and I thought that would be good. I had it all planned out. I’ve been . . .” The hand holding hers was shaking. “I’ve been waiting. Praying.”
“Praying for . . .”
Her cheeks had gone white, and then they’d gone pink. He got himself as focused as he could manage, which wasn’t much, and then he did it. Sank down on a knee and reached into his shirt pocket for the box.
“I was going to write down what to say,” he said. “I should have, I guess, because this is going to come out confused.”
She had a hand at her mouth, and he was trying to smile at her, to tell her it would be all right, that he’d make it all right. That was what he was there for. He didn’t know how to say all that, though, so he didn’t. He opened the black velvet box with a thumb, and she was sinking into the wicker rocker like her legs wouldn’t hold her up.
Surely a heart couldn’t hold all this. Surely not. He said, “It’s a sapphire, baby. I hope that’s OK. But the wedding band has diamonds. It sort of . . . matches. I wanted you to have both. I know I can’t give you what your mom and dad wanted for you. I can’t make you a princess. I can’t buy you the biggest diamond or build you the biggest house. All I can promise is that every day, I’ll be trying my best to make your life better. That’s what I can give you.” He expelled his breath. “That part, I practiced. That’s what I’ve got. Oh. Except, OK, this. I love you. Will you marry me?”
“Yes,” she said. She was shaking. Not just her hand. All over. “Oh, Evan. Yes. And I love my ring. And I love you.” She shook her head and laughed at herself. “I don’t have words either. I can’t . . . I can’t say. Except that—yes.”
