Page 75 of No Kind of Hero
By the time Evan was carrying a still-crying Gracie into the Quick Care office at eight-oh-five, Beth was thoroughly frazzled. Who’d known that something as simple as soothing a sick baby could be so tiring? Evan had said, somewhere between coffee and breakfast, “You don’t have to stay. Not much fun,” and she’d just looked at him. Since she’d been pulling eggs out of the fridge at the time, he still hadn’t shaved, and Gracie’s temperature had registered 103, she didn’t think she was leaving.
“Ah, yes. Our old friend the ear infection,” the doctor said when they’d finally got Gracie into a room and he’d taken a look down her throat and into her ears, which had caused a whole lot more screaming at a decibel level that Beth was surprised anybody could maintain. “And it’s a pretty good one. How long has she had a cold?”
“All week,” Evan said. He looked a whole lot calmer than Beth felt, but Beth had seen him half-dressed, his hair sticking up, sponging Gracie’s squirming body down with cool water while he talked to her about ponies. She knew better.
“Uh-huh,” the doctor said. “We’re going to figure this is bacterial, then, and get her on some antibiotics. She should be feeling better in a day or so, but don’t stop giving her the antibiotic until the bottle’s gone. Meanwhile, you could try some baby Tylenol for the fever and discomfort.”
“Got that. Thanks,” Evan said, taking the prescription slip the doctor handed over, stuffing it into his wallet, and picking Gracie up once more. He snuggled her close and ran his hand over her back. Her wails changed to snuffly, hiccupping sobs, and Beth felt her own neck muscles relaxing.
It was all right. Gracie would get better. It was what Evan said. It looked worse than it was, because babies cried.
When they were in the drugstore and Evan was bouncing Gracie some more while they waited for the prescription to be filled, Beth said, “I know that being calm is a big part of who you are, but how do you stay calm about this? The doctor didn’t act like it was a big deal, and you’re not panicking either. But it seemed so . . . so bad this morning.”
Evan smiled faintly. “Yeah, well, if you’d seen me the first time, you might change your mind about how calm I am. I think she was about five weeks, which would’ve put me about two weeks post-April. Dakota hadn’t been working with me that long, and business wasn’t all that hot. It never is in winter. Little babies don’t sleep that well anyway, at least she didn’t. Man, there were a couple nights there . . .”
“Bad thoughts,” Beth suggested. “Middle-of-the-night gremlins.”
“That’s about it. Low points. Nights when I thought I couldn’t do it. Lucky I had my mom. This wasn’t what she signed up for either, that’s for sure. But that’s another thing about kids. I don’t think it ends when they turn eighteen.”
“Are you sorry?” She asked it quietly, and then wasn’t sure if she should have.
“See,” he said, “that’s the other thing. You can’t be sorry. It’s like that deal inThe Wizard of Oz.”
“Uh . . . if I only had a brain?”
Evan laughed, but softly, because Gracie had relaxed, her big blue eyes opening, then closing again, as if she were trying to fall asleep, or trying not to. “No. Well, that too. You get pretty fuzzy there, all that sleep deprivation. But when Dorothy opens the door and it goes from black and white to color, and she’s never seen color before. It’s like that.”
She studied his face. Still not expressive, but his body was different. The way he swayed, the way his big palm rubbed over Gracie’s back. Evan could say so much without words. And this time, he’d even talked. “Like you thought you knew what life was about,” she said slowly, “and then realized you’d only seen part of it.”
“Maybe. It’s not all good. It can be too much, and you can be too tired, and then another bill comes in that you wonder how you’ll pay. But you can’t imagine what it would be like to go through your life without it.” He glanced down. “She fall asleep?”
“Yeah.” The lump in Beth’s throat was big enough to require medical attention. “She did.”
She did some reading that afternoon, as she’d done all during this odd vacation of hers. But she did it at Evan’s, lying on his couch while he and Gracie watched baseball, and for once, she found she could focus. At one point, when the baby had fallen asleep again, she looked over to see Evan asleep, too. Stretched out in the recliner with Gracie sprawled across his chest, his arm still securely around her. And she wondered how deep that protectiveness ran that even sleep couldn’t shift it.
When he woke up a half hour later, she set down her e-reader and asked, “Want a sandwich or something?”
He ran a hand over his jaw and blinked. “Yeah. That’d be good. Not what we had in mind.”
“No. But not so bad.” She got up and fixed them lunch, and said, when she’d brought her plate back to him and sat down again, “I don’t have to stay if you’d rather I didn’t.”
“You kidding?” He stretched out a little more, shifted the still-sleeping Gracie. “It’s great. But you know what would be even better? If you got some clothes, maybe picked up Henry, and let me know you were sticking around for the weekend. That’d be something to look forward to.”
She smiled. “Desperate for entertainment, are you?”
He smiled, too. Making her feel, as always, special that she could get that from him. “Maybe so. Gracie loves that dog. We could go for a walk, put her in her stroller and Henry on his leash. Give us all something new to look at. Call out for pizza, watch a movie. I realize it’s one more night when I’m not coming through your bedroom window, but what are you going to do.”
“If my mom will let me take Henry, now that I wrecked her dinner party and all.”
“Oh,” Evan said, “I think she will.”
“You weren’t there. I was pretty, ah, forthright.”
“Yep. But she’s still your mom. Go on and take the van if you want.”
She stood up and stretched. “Nope. I’ve hardly moved all day. I’m walking to Dakota’s, I’m changing, because like somebody said, these sandals weren’t made for running. I’m dognapping Henry. And then I’m coming back to you.”
Her parents weren’t home, which was a major relief. She and her mom would have that conversation, but Beth was just as glad it wasn’t today. She ended up back at Evan’s with Henry in tow, having a day that was nothing like her work self, nothing like her vacation self, and nothing like any self she knew.
