Page 56 of No Kind of Hero
“Your life wasn’t working,” he said. “You faced it. And you’re not with your parents now.”
It was actually true. Wow. Maybe shewasn’ta confused mess. Or maybe she was a confused mess who was at leastmoving.Finally. “Sharks have to swim forward,” she said, “or they die.”
“Which means something,” he said, “besides that your brain has unlimited storage.”
She had to laugh some at that, even as she groped for the words. “I think my shark was dying. At least sick. I had a sick shark, and I was trying to push it anyway, pull it along. My shark wastired. But you always make it about me, you know that?”
“I do? I don’t think so. That thing we did before . . . that was all about me.”
“That would be why I had that orgasm, then. The one I barely felt.”
His body shifted under her hands, because he was laughing. Silently. “I can’t help it if you’re twisted.”
She smiled herself, there in the dark, wrapped in the security of being understood. “You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever known. And you’ve been a hero so many times over. So if April came back, if she wanted to try again? What would you say?”
No hesitation at all. “I’d say hell, no. You think I’m loyal? I’m not. Not if there’s no loyalty coming back. And you and me? That’s got nothing to do with her. I stayed mad at you without any help from April.”
This time, she was the one who laughed. But afterwards, she sobered. “What about Gracie?”
“What about her? That loyalty thing you talked about? She’s got that from me. Forever. There’s nothing that’ll change it.”
“No, what about April? What’s your custody agreement? I know it’s none of my business,” she hurried to add, “but I see you with her, and I have to wonder.”
A long silence, and then Evan said, “Nothing.”
“What? What do you mean, nothing?”
“She took off. I told you.” And if a man could be said to withdraw while still holding you, Evan was doing it.
“But . . .” she began.
“I’ve had Gracie since she was three weeks old,” Evan said. “Her mom never even called. Nobody’s going to let April have her. They couldn’t.”
“Evan. I’m not a family law attorney, but no. You need it spelled out.”
He was quiet for so long, she wondered if he’d fallen asleep, but that was impossible. “I don’t want her to come back. Does that answer your question? I want her to stay gone. And you know, we could sleep a little here. Since we wore each other out and all.”
He let it bother him for a couple more minutes, and then he let it go. Gracie was safe and asleep a few yards away in the white crib where he’d first laid her down after the trip home from the hospital, when she’d been so tiny she’d fit in his cupped hands. When he’d wondered how on earth he could protect something that fragile, and had known that he was going to do it anyway. And Beth was falling asleep beside him in a bed that smelled like vanilla and flowers. She stirred and shifted, then wrapped her leg over his and turned toward him in sleep as if she needed to be closer. His hands were touching nothing but warm, soft woman, and his body was telling him life was good.
Everything was fine. Everything was perfect right now, and right now was what you got. He fell asleep.
He woke, as always, at the first wail. Beside him, Beth stirred and made a protesting sound, and he said, “It’s OK. Just Gracie. Go to sleep.” And as a consolation prize, when he came back to bed after some pacing and patting and patience, she was still there, still warm, and still soft. His bed was a much nicer place than it had been for seven long months. He’d take that.
When the“Da-da-da”woke him again, he sat up with a start, registered from the light seeping in around the edges of the curtains that it was morning, and also registered that he was alone.
Had Beth left? Walked back to Dakota’s, wondering if it would be awkward in the morning? In her heels and without her underwear, because she’d rather do that than face him in the morning light?
No. She wouldn’t have.
Wait. Gracie wasn’t crying anymore, or making any noise at all. He was out of bed in a flash, not bothering to pull on his jeans, his heart beating hard.
He got to her room in about three steps, and Beth turned at his entrance. She had Gracie in her arms, was bouncing her the way the baby liked, as if she knew how. Wearing the yellow dress again, but barefoot, her hair damp. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, either. She looked fine.
“Look,” she told Gracie with another bounce, “it’s your daddy. Guess I’m too slow, huh? I was going to change her diaper,” she explained to Evan. “But I wanted to snuggle her for a minute first.”
Gracie looked over her shoulder, gave him the joyous early-morning smile that was the reason you had no choice, then bent herself backward and held out her arms to him. He went over, took her from Beth, said, “Morning, princess,” and then might have had to vary the routine a little. He had to put his arm around Beth, too, and he had to kiss her. Sweet, soft, and good-morning-baby.
Hot sex was good. Hot sex wasgreat,and if it had a little edge to it, it was even better. But waking up and kissing a woman who looked absolutely, positively happy to be starting her day with you? That wasn’t bad either. He let her go, laid Gracie on the changing table, got her out of her sleeper, and asked Beth, “How do you know how to change a diaper?”
