Page 57 of She's Like the Wind
I was close to my parents—my siblings, nearly ten years and then some, younger than me, were more like kids I was responsible for than siblings. I didn’t talk to them about my life—I asked them about theirs.
Ryan was grinding away through grueling medical school, and Kayla was in New York, chasing dance, life, and survival.
“So, you know now that you love Naomi. But she doesn’t want you anymore ‘cause you’ve been a jackass?”
“It’s worse than that,” I said regretfully.
I knew when he found out everything that went down he’d call me worse things than a jackass.
“Son, you’ve been a downright asshole,” Dad confirmed what I thought he would do when I was done with my sordid tale.
“I never meant to hurt her.”
“Bullshit!” Dad snapped. “You didn’t care what happened to her as long as you were shielded. Don’t dress up your intention in noble words when it’s simply selfish fear masquerading in a nicesuit.”
I knew that talking to my father wouldn’t be a ‘there, there, son, everything will be alright’session—oh, no, Dad would take a piece out of me, and if Mama were here, hell, she’d throw something at me.
“I broke her and…seeing her hurting…fuck. I can’t stand it.”
With a familiar gentleness, he reached over and placed a thick, weathered hand on my shoulder. “Well, the truth is when we love someone, we hurt when they do.”
“She’s not going to believe me when I tell her how I feel, Dad.”
“Not at first,” he agreed. “But the moment you show up—trulyshow up—that’s what will make all the difference.”
“She deserves better.”
“Then give her better. Look, you made choices as a boy after Lia, now it’s time to make them as a man. You can’t give her grand speeches or empty gestures. You’ve got to give her respect. A steadfast, unyielding presence.” He fixed me once again with a penetrating gaze. “If you want to truly love someone, you have to be brave enough to let them see where it hurts.”
The porch fell into a reflective quiet once more.
Fireflies began their nightly dance at the edges of the yard, and I could catch the delicate scent of Mama’s night jasmine, its perfume as soft and mysterious as twilight.
“Is she worth it?” he asked, his tone laden with challenge.
I didn’t hesitate. “She is.”
“Then stop hiding behind ghosts. Go out there and earn your damn life.”
“Yeah, Dad.”
And in that moment, I vowed to change.
No more half-truths.
No more love lived only in fragments.
No more running from whatever light might dare to shine upon me.
I was going to, as my father said,earn my damn life.
CHAPTER 20
Naomi
Gage had shattered me with his story, but he broke me by telling some stranger I was clinging to him. Objectively, I understood he didn’t mean anything by it, he was pushing the woman away—so he was being cruel to her by being cruel to me, which made him an asshole in my book.
As true as that was, there were some other truths that I had to face.
