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I didn’t need the garden stores.

I could let that go.

One of us could escape.

I stopped at the railing just inside the building as my eyes adjusted to the dim room compared to the sun. The room blurred as I tried to squash down my spinning mind.

Maybe I could make her see that. I could save my department and go back to what I’d been doing. I’d survived this long, hadn’t I?

“Duchess?”

I turned to Xavier’s voice.

“Hey.” He hurried forward and wrapped his arm around me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re pale and”—he lifted my hand—“shaking.”

“Why can’t you be oblivious like most men?”

“I am most of the time.” He brought me against his chest. “Just not when it comes to you, I guess.”

“Don’t be nice to me.”

He laughed. “Sorry about that. I’m generally a nice guy.”

I pressed my face into his neck. “Can we take the food to go?”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to Theo.”

“Just like that? No questions?”

“No questions.” He smoothed a hand down my hair. “I’ll take care of it.”

“I’ll wait for you outside,” I said and hurried down the stairs. I couldn’t bear to see the kindness in his eyes right now.

Not when I was being anything but fair to him and my brother.

I rushed through the dining room and past the hostess station. I distantly heard someone ask me if I was okay.

I wasn’t.

Guilt followed me out the door and I practically ran into the parking lot and up the hill toward the water. Laughter and voices from the event faded as I followed a path down near the water. The insistent quack of ducks dented the careening panic.

I sat on a bench, closing my eyes as the cool wind off the water lifted my hair.

The water stopped blurring as the six ducklings following their mama came into focus.

My strangled grip on my wristlet eased.

It had been a panic attack. I could see it so clearly now. I hadn’t had one since high school.

I sucked in a slow breath and blew it out as the last of the shakes abated.

“Syd?”

Xavier’s voice came from up the path.