Page 33 of The General's Captive
I swallowed hard and folded my arms.
“No, not when it comes to you, I won’t.”
He closed his eyes as if my words had burned.
“God, Alex, can’t you just stop?”
“Stop what?” I asked, jerking back a little.
“Stop fucking caring! Stop being…you,”he said, and this time it was like a lash to my heart.
The pain on my face must have registered, as he looked like he regretted it instantly. But instead of dealing with the hurt he inflicted, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there asking myself…what the fuck was that supposed to mean?
Again, I tried to tell myself that he was upset, angry, and grieving, and that would make anyone lash out at those closest to them. So, for the first time since I had met him, I let him go. Usually, I was the one that could calm him. The one person who could pull him out of one of his moods. The anniversary of the Rift was usually the worst time, as I knew he mourned someone who he had obviously been close to. Someone the Rift had taken from him, but I still didn’t know who. I often wondered if it was family, a best friend, or even a girlfriend. He didn’t wear a ring so I assumed he hadn’t had a wife; I couldn’t see Riley not hanging onto that.
He did have that coin though, one he always seemed to have in his pocket. I would catch him playing with it, rolling it between his fingers like it was his good luck charm. But like before, whenever I asked about it, he would shut down. Similar to now, he would just tell me to leave it, only in a less insensitive way.
Because he had never lashed out at me like this before.
Half of me wanted to run after him and demand to know what the fuck he meant. The other half was hung up on what he had said, asking me not to be me. Asking me not to care. And in the end, that was the part I listened to.
So, after forcing myself not to cry, I got back to my job, making sure that we were ready for whatever was heading our way. Because no matter what the council said about giving them time to decide, I already knew what they were going to say.
We would stay and fight.
That was the only outcome they wanted. And I would be damned if I let these people down by not doing my job and everything in my power to protect these people. But I was also pissed at the council for the mistake they were about to make.
It was most likely the reason I snapped at Volkov when he passed by,
“Get your ass to Jenkins and get that shoulder looked at!”
His brown eyes widened at my harsher than necessary tone, but when he glanced around and didn’t see Riley, his eyes softened as if he knew.
He had been on the supply run with Riley when it happened, making me feel guilty because Rodriguez was a friend to many, and here I was, being a bitch.
“Just get it sorted, yeah?” I said again, dropping my attitude and making him nod before walking toward the main building.
This was where medical was and where Nurse Jenkins was most likely sewing up the others that had been injured on the supply run. Before he walked too far away, I stopped him, telling him over my shoulder, “Volkov… We lost a brother today… I’m… I’m sorry about Rodriguez.”
He lowered his shaved head and released a shuddered breath before telling me, “We all are.”
Then he walked away, leaving me with tears in my eyes. So, I did what I always did when my emotions got the better of me, Iwrote them down. I pulled out my journal I always carried in my side satchel, that I was rarely seen without, and I found a quiet corner. Then I wrote down my goodbye to Rodriguez, wondering if it would end up being my last entry. Whether this was a fight we had any chance of winning.
I just didn’t know this time.
After twenty minutes or so, of trying to hold it all back, I knew I needed to wash some water over my face. So, I made my way back to my room with the intention of putting my journal away, so it didn’t get damaged in the fight.
However, I came up short when I turned a corner and saw Riley sitting on my bed with his head held in his hands. His hair was damp, making it a darker shade of blonde, like wet sand, telling me that he had not long got out of the shower. His shoulders bunched, stretching his olive-green tee tight around his tensed muscles. His fresh camo combats and boots looked as though he was ready for action once more. Then he raised his head and looked at me, remorse easy to see.
“I was a dick,” he admitted before I had chance to open my mouth.
“Yeah, you were,” I stated before releasing a sigh, letting my tensed shoulders drop before adding, “But I know why, and I understand… after what happened to Rodriguez and then the council, you’re angry and hurt and…”
“Alex, stop,” he said, making me frown as he got to his feet and approached me, doing so slowly, like he was afraid of spooking me or something.
“Riley?”I questioned, but his name came out thick and unsure. Because the look he was giving me now, I swear it was like a dam had just broken. No, not a dam… walls. The walls he had erected around his heart, keeping it protected from ever getting hurt again.
“I thought it was for the best,” he said softly, but before I could ask what he meant, he continued, “That it would save us both the hurt.”
