Page 38 of Cheshire's Smile
“Hatter is here.”
Chapter 17
The rude sound that came out of Carban set my teeth on edge. “And why do you care? It’s not like you cared before when they dragged us away. Why now?”
I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to let him know how much I cared. It would only give him more ammunition against me. Why did I care for Hatter but not them? Not Cheshire? If I got into it, then I would end up admitting how much their words hurt me. And that was something I wasn’t prepared to do.
Instead, I focused on the important parts. The parts that they would need to know. Because, even if I couldn’t have them, then by the Reaper, I would save them.
“The sickness is back.”
I let the words settle in the air between us. Every fae knew what the sickness meant. Every fae but me, that is. Finding out that my part in all this had caused the sickness to spread wasn’t something that I took lightly. It was just another item to add to my list of crimes.
“I see.” Morgana hummed, her gaze lifting to the sky, where wispy spirits whipped around aimlessly. “I had thought there were more spirits as of late.”
“There’s no cure for that,” Coby muttered, almost like he was talking more to himself than us.
“No,” I commented, keeping my eyes forward. “There’s not.”
Without warning, he grabbed my shoulder and jerked me around, his fingers tight on my shoulders. “This is your fault, isn’t it? You couldn’t just screw us over—you had to fuck the whole Underground in the process.”
Morgana moved to intervene.
I shook my head, and she waited.
Some would say I was pathetic for letting Carban manhandle me, simply because I ached for his touch. That there was something fundamentally wrong with me. But, even if he hated me, even if I was the last person he wanted to spend time with, I still wanted to be near him.
And it wasn’t like his anger wasn’t justified. He was right. Thiswaspartly my fault. I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t want to. What I had done was to be with them but, in the process, I’d started a domino effect that put the whole fae world in jeopardy.
So I took his manhandling, his anger, and used it to be the woman he thought I was.
“What do I care?” I cocked a brow, forcing a smirk onto my lips. “I got what I wanted, after all. I don’t even live here anymore, so it’s none of my concern.”
Carban’s brows furrowed, a look of disbelief on his face that almost made me want to laugh with how good of an actress I had become. Maybe I was the Great Pretender after all.
“You’re lying.” Carban’s words were hard and broiled with rage. “How are you lying? Or are you not as fae as you claim to be?”
I couldn’t lie. No fae could, not without extreme discomfort. The magic of the Underground wouldn’t let them. And, as much as he wanted to believe I wasn’t one of them, the Underground had made sure I was part of that deal as well. I got everything that came with being fae—the good and the bad.
So the words coming out of my mouth weren’t a lie. Not really. Because they were words I’d been telling myself over and over again since I went searching for Hatter.
None of this was my concern. Hatter was all that mattered. So it was easy to spout the same words back to the fae before me.
Though it pained me, I threw my arms up, knocking his hands from me. “I’m just as much a fae as you. And just like you said, I’m selfish. Nothing else matters but what I want. So yes,the sickness? The Tree of Life dying? It was all my fault. You are all going to die because of what I did.”
I tried to say the words “I don’t care.” but I couldn’t. They weren’t true. I did care. I cared too damn much, and it terrified me. So I did the mature thing that anyone else would have done. I deflected.
Turning to Morgana, I blew out a breath. “If you can, you should get of the Underground. The sickness has only taken some of the weaker fae so far, but it’s gaining momentum. I don’t know if it will make it this far.” I glanced up at the spirits twirling above our heads. “There isn’t much time left.”
“But we can fix it,” Coby interjected, grabbing my arm. His touch wasn’t as hard as his brother’s. He almost touched me like I was breakable and it made my eyes burn. “Can’t we?”
I shook his hand off and sucked in a breath. “There is no we. There is only you. And there’s nothing to fix.” I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin. “Unless the sapling of the Tree of Life comes to age and counters it or a new High King steps forward, everyone and everything in the Underground will die. End of story.” I turned my back on them so that only Morgana could see the pleading in my eyes. “Can we go now?”
I couldn’t handle this anymore. I needed space. I needed away from them. Away from myself.
Morgana’s lips pinched tight, but she nodded.
Without giving the twins a chance to ask more questions, she led us forward.
