Page 82 of Daisy
"Speaking of things that matter," he says, bumping my shoulder, and even that small contact sends electricity through me, "how are you holding up? Really? I know the suppressants are doing their job, but I can smell that you're... responsive."
My face goes bright red. He's talking about the slick. About how my body reacts to them even through the medication. About how even now, just talking to him, I can feel myself responding.
"I'm fine," I lie. "Not going into heat or anything. Just... responsive."
The word feels inadequate. Like calling a wildfire a candle. But I'm still learning how to talk about these things without my face catching fire.
"That's totally normal," he says, and his voice has gone rougher. "Being around people you're attracted to tends to messwith your system. Your body knows what it wants even when your brain's telling it to chill out."
"How much longer will the suppressants last?"
Hawk's face gets serious. "August counted yesterday. About two and a half weeks."
Well, that's terrifying. Two and a half weeks until the suppressants run out and then... I don't even know. Could be days, could be a week before my body stages a hostile takeover. Before I'm in heat, surrounded by alphas who smell like everything I've ever wanted.
"Hey," Hawk says, catching my mini panic attack. His scent wraps around me, trying to soothe. "We'll figure it out. No pressure, no timeline, no nonsense. Just... maybe start thinking about what you actually want. What feels right to you."
I nod, though my heart's doing gymnastics. The idea of being with them during my heat makes me practically vibrate with anticipation, even as my brain freaks out.
"Actually," Hawk continues, and that mischievous glint is back, "speaking of things that feel right... I've been thinking about something."
"What?"
"First kisses."
I think my brain just short-circuited. The spike of need that shoots through me is so strong I'm amazed I don't fall over. "What about them?"
"Well, I overheard you talking to August yesterday about never being kissed. And I was thinking... maybe it's time to fix that?"
I stop walking so fast I nearly trip over my own feet. My heart pounds. "Hawk... you weren't supposed to hear that. Did anyone else?"
"Just me, and I promise I haven't told anyone," he says gently. "And before you panic, I'm not suggesting me," headds quickly, hands up like he's surrendering. "Though I'd be honored as heck if you wanted that. But I see the way you look at him."
"Him?"
"Gunner." His smile is knowing and maybe a little smug. "The way you watch him when you think nobody's looking. The way you naturally gravitate toward him."
Busted. My face burns, but I don't deny it. "I don't want you to be upset."
"Upset?" Hawk actually laughs, the sound rich and warm. "Princess, the only thing that would upset me is watching you deny yourself things you want because you're worried about hurting our delicate alpha feelings."
"But I do have feelings for you too," I say, the words coming easier now. Hawk makes me feel like I can say anything. "For all of you. Different feelings, but real ones. Is that wrong?"
"That's exactly how it's supposed to work," he says seriously. His scent wraps around me, warm and reassuring. "That's what makes this a pack instead of just a bunch of guys who happen to live together with the smartest and strongest woman we've ever had the pleasure of knowing."
I blush at his words. Smartest and strongest? Me? I duck my head, touched by his faith in me.
"So you really wouldn't be upset? If I... if I asked Gunner to kiss me?"
"I'd be over the moon," he says honestly. "You know why?"
I shake my head.
"Because our boy Gunner has been saving his first kiss his whole darn life."
"His first kiss?" My heart skips a beat. The thought of sweet, strong Gunner being just as inexperienced as me fills me with happiness. "He's never...?"
"Never," Hawk confirms. "Waiting for the right person, the right moment. Waiting for you, turns out."
