Page 126 of Daisy
The word hits me like lightning. Nest. Yes. That's exactly what I need.
"But it's not ready," I say, panic making my voice shake. My cheeks burn as I realize what I'm admitting. "It's all wrong. The bed, everything... I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
I'm spiraling now. My breathing is too fast. My hands won't stop shaking. This need to nest is so overwhelming I feel like I might crawl out of my skin if I don't do something right now. And I'm mortified that they're all seeing me like this. Desperate and needy and completely out of control.
"We've got this figured out," Dante says, his voice steady despite the way his scent has deepened in response to mine. "Remember? We've been planning for weeks."
They have. They've been planning for weeks, and I feel a rush of gratitude so strong it nearly brings tears to my eyes. While I'm scared and overwhelmed by the idea of my first heat, they're quietly preparing. Making sure I'll have everything I need.
"The supplies from yesterday," August says. "Remember? Cassian and I brought back fairy lights, extra bedding, pillows. Everything you need for a proper nest."
Yesterday. When they came back from their supply run and found Gunner and me... occupied. When they couldn't bring the nesting supplies in because we were bonding.
"Where are they?" I ask desperately. "I need them now. I need to start?—"
"Bedroom first," Gunner says, already standing. "We need to clear space and set everything up."
"The mattresses," Hawk adds, heading for the living room. "And we'll need to black out the windows completely."
They spring into action like a well-oiled machine. Moving furniture out of the bedroom. Taking apart the bed frame and carrying it out in pieces. Bringing in the mattress from the living room to create one huge sleeping surface.
I watch, my anxiety spiking with every passing second. I need to be doing something. Need to be arranging things. But they won't let me help, just keep telling me to wait, to let them set up the space first.
"I can't just sit here," I say, wrapping my arms around myself, trying to hide how much my hands are shaking. "I have to... I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. But I don't know what I'm doing and it's embarrassing and..."
Tears of frustration threaten. Everything feels wrong and I don't know how to fix it.
Cassian pauses in moving a dresser, looks at me with those amber eyes. Then he's crossing the room in two strides, wrapping his massive arms around me in a gentle but secure hug. "I got you, little fighter," he says softly against my hair.
The promise in his words settles something anxious in my chest. They're not going anywhere. They'll wait for me to be ready.
He guides me to the couch, keeping me wrapped in his arms as the others finish preparing the room. His dark amber and musk scent surrounds me, and I breathe it in deeply, trying to calm myself. But instead of calming me, it makes everything worse. My skin feels even hotter. My pulse quickens. I press closer to his chest, and his scent grows stronger, richer.
I'm burning up in his arms, but I can't make myself pull away.
When they finally finish with the room, I practically stumble inside. The space is just right. Dark and safe with just the fairylights casting everything in a warm glow. The huge mattress covering most of the floor.
But I can see the bags in the corner. The supplies they brought back yesterday. Extra blankets, pillows, soft things for nesting.
I drop to my knees beside the mattress and start arranging things without really thinking about it. But another cramp hits and I drop the pillow I'm holding. My breathing is too fast. The anxiety is making everything worse.
"Hey, sunshine." August appears in the doorway. "You need to breathe for me or the alphas are gonna freak out. Did you want me to help you? I'll do anything you need, just tell me."
I nod desperately, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. "I don't know what I'm doing. I've never done this before and I feel like I'm going crazy and everyone can smell me and..." My voice cracks with mortification.
"Breathe," he says gently, sitting down beside me. "In through your nose, out through your mouth. There's no rush. And hey..." He touches my shoulder softly. "This is normal. You're okay."
I try to follow his breathing, but the need to nest is so overwhelming. "Everything has to be exactly right. It has to smell right and feel right and I don't even know what that means." The words tumble out in a rush. "What if I do it wrong?"
"It will," he promises. "Here, let me help."
Together, we arrange pillows by how they feel and smell. I run my hands over each one, testing the softness, the way they feel to my touch. Soft ones in the center where I'll sleep. Firmer ones around the edges for support. The ones that smell most like my pack go closest to where I'll curl up. They carry traces of sandalwood and honey, amber and cedar.
But I need more. Their scents everywhere, surrounding me like a protective cocoon.
"Can you get me their clothes?" I ask shyly, my face heating up at the request. "Things that smell like them? I know it sounds weird, but I think I need..." I trail off, embarrassed by how desperate I sound. "I need to be surrounded by all of you. Like you're protecting me even when you're not here."
August smiles warmly, and the understanding in his hazel eyes makes my chest tight with gratitude. "It's not weird at all. It's exactly what you need."
