Page 28 of The Lie
I lost the game last night to pay off my father’s debt. But that won’t be the last I see of them. They’ll want more, and I know it. That’s why I have to stay away.
I haven’t been to The Shed since I got out of the hospital. No more fighting for me. I know the Amato family will always be there, and if I don’t fight, they’ll forget about me soon enough. At least, I hope they will.
Mila needs me to stay away from her. After today, I won’t have contact with her any more than necessary. I tried to keep her from everything, but I let myself fall too deep with her. I let her touch me, I touched her, kissed her. Hell, she braided my hair, and it felt so nice, it was easy to forget all the bad shit and let her in again. But after today, I will go back to ignoring her. I can’t undo all that’s happened so far, but at least I can prevent any more bad shit from touching her.
“Roman?”
I turn to Mila. She holds out her left hand for the bag of food, and for the first time, I see the cast. The sight of it reminds me why I have to stick to my guns. Why I can’t keep her, even as a friend. Mila is too beautiful to ever be tainted with the evil that follows me.
I hand it to her and she brushes her thumb over mine. With that small touch, I want to take back all my thoughts of letting her go. I release the bag and take a step away, shaking my hand as if the feeling of her touch will leave faster. These thoughts, that I could actually be more with Mila, almost killed her. I have to remember that.
“Roman? Are you going to sit and eat or stand there all day?” Mila asks in a light, teasing way.
Without a word, I take a seat beside Hunter. He gives me a pointed look; I know I’m being rude. Her hating me is for the best. It will make everything easier.
“Roman, I want to talk to you. About what happened. I want—”
I put my hand up to stop her. “We don’t need to talk about it.” When she shakes her head, I add, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
She lets out a huffing sound, and I look over at her. Her eyes narrow in my direction, and her cute little nose is all bunched up. I forget how headstrong she can be sometimes. Which makes this much harder.
“Well, I do. I want to tell you what happened wasn’t your fault.”
I make a sound in the back of my throat, and she rolls her eyes.
“Just stop it, listen. It wasn’t okay. And I didn’t tell anyone what really happened.” She looks to Hunter and she lowers her eyes.
She didn’t even tell Hunter. Why?
“I only want to protect you, Roman. Like you protect me.”
“But I didn’t,” I protest. “I almost got you killed. I broke my rule and let you in and you almost died, Mila. This is why we can’t be friends,” I yell. I don’t mean to, but she needs to understand. This is it. I can’t sugarcoat this shit.
Shaking her head, she looks up at the sky. It’s so blue, with barely a cloud. She takes a few deep breaths, as though she’s searching for the right words. When her head lowers, she looks right at me. “You know I won’t give you up. I won’t. So, don’t push me away. You know that’s not gonna happen. I want you, Roman. I want to spend my life with you.”
“You have Hunter for that,” I point out a little harsher than I intended. I should be happy; she picked the right one.
Hunter is caring and makes her laugh. She needs someone like that, someone who can take care of her and, when things get serious, lighten the mood. I’m the opposite of Hunter. She doesn’t need me. I have nothing. I don’t understand why she still cares for me. Why she won’t just give me up.
“You give me butterflies, Roman. You both do. I don’t want to pick one over the other, and Hunter knows this. What we have…it includes you. If you want. I know it’s different and not conventional. Then again, who wants to walk with the crowd when the three of us are strong enough to walk against it?”
What is happening? Is she talking about the three of us, together? I shake my head. That’s…I have no words for that.
“Walk with us, Roman. Even if it’s just in friendship. I want you by my side, always. I never want to lose you again. I won’t. I just can’t.”
I shake my head again. I can’t either. I have to protect her.
“Do you care about me, Roman?” she pleads.
There are tears in her eyes, and I force myself to remain strong. I clear my throat and look down at the food. “Mila, you know I care about you. Please don’t ask me that.” Picking up a fry, I drop it back down again, suddenly not hungry. “We can’t be friends. None of us can.”
I turn to Hunter. “My dad, his dealers, The Shed, and other stuff…it follows me everywhere I go. I have a record, and I’m failing at school. This is my life, and I don’t see it ever changing. It’s only going to spill over onto you both. I don’t want anything to happen to either of you. This is how much I care; I show it by leaving you both alone so you’ll be safe.”
“Can I have today?” Mila lets out a small sob as she brushes a tear from her cheek. “Can we pretend that nothing bad has happened or is going to happen and we are all twelve again, just carefree and happy?”
I give her a small smile and nod. I can do that.
Give us this one last day.
