Page 44 of Look My Way
I smile, settling my hands at my side as he positions the table over my lap. He adds my plate next and leaves the room to grab me a cup of water, returning with a chair hanging on his arm.
“I’m going to join you for dinner here so you’re not eating alone. I know we haven’t been spending much time together, and I really want to do better when I can.”
“It’s okay.” I no longer mind when he’s gone. Whenever he’s not here, Zavier gets a chance to be. Yeah, this whole thing is such a mess. I can keep asking what I’m doing and where this will all lead to, but then my mind goes to the depleting pill bottle in my bathroom, making the question harder to answer.
There has to be another way. I’ll have to see how this book does. The last brought in a lot of sales and I have a good feeling this one will do better. I need it to. I also need to find a way to fully get Daniel out of my head, so it’ll be easier to let him go. Him thinking he needs to be around more won’t help, though. How did I let him get in so deep and stay for so damn long? I held onto his word because he was convinced itwas sounder than mine. A part of me still wonders if he’s right. Medications I’ve taken in the past have triggered delusions. I thought everyone around me was purposely hurting me. Am I seeing everything wrong again?
Daniel wasn’t really causing my head pain earlier, was he? Did Zavier and I even talk today? Daniel talks about his workday some more, vaguely and leaving out any major details about his current case while slowly picking at his plate. I nod between bites, forcing smiles and laughing when he attempts a joke. I’m hardly paying attention, so who’s to say it’s even funny.
“All done?” He points to my mostly empty plate.
“Yeah.” I wipe my fingers on my napkin and shift the tray in my lap. Standing up, he sets his plate on top and takes away my tray, heading off to the kitchen. Keeping my eyes on the door, I open my drawer and shove my hand inside to feel for the notes I taped on top in the very back. Smiling, I keep running my hands over them. They’re real. Closing my eyes again, I feel Zavier’s warm breath on my neck and his fingers rubbing over my cock. My body heats, skin vibrating as I touch myself underneath my pillow, rubbing over my cock at the same time as the notes. He’s real. What he did really happened.
Daniel’s footsteps trail up the hall, and his voice ringing around me has me slamming the drawer shut and shoving my memories away. Then it’s only me and him again, leaving me to question the earlier events with Zavier all over again, along with whether or not what I felt a while ago was really a headache. Daniel’s pointed out before how many more times I’ve been wrong than he has. I’d rather not give him the opportunity to do it again. And I want to keep holding onto my delusions a little longer, if that’s what Zavier is. In case that’s what we are.
Twenty-One
Zavier
Me guiding Liam is helping him communicate what he wants. Not only is he adorable, sexy, and strong, he’s also very clever. To think I was going to ignore my email notifications until tomorrow. A strange feeling inside me told me not to, and I’m glad I listened. Highlighted in yellow are my next plans for the night. They’re more dangerous and riskier, but it’s what he wants.
I don’t mind going out of order if it’s what he needs, what will remind him of who he is and that it’s okay to be that way—to be himself. I want every single inch, and after tasting him once, I know it’ll never be enough, and this tells me it wasn’t for him either. The house is dark and quiet when I enter, and the back door opens easily with one push of my gloved hand.
The anticipation of what’s to come vibrates in my veins as I slowly slide one foot in front of the other, making my way to Liam’s bedroom. Heavy breathing surrounds me and I inch closer to the bed, taking in the still lumps under the covers.Moving to Liam’s side, I brush hair from his forehead. I hoped for this as soon as I read it, but I didn’t want to push things. Fuck, I want this. I want him. I drag the covers down his back, revealing his bare plump ass.
The perfect mounds squeeze together when his body shifts, sweet low hums pushing past his lips. A rustling from beside him has me looking in the direction of where it comes from. Daniel is facing away from him, lying on his side, and appears to be fully clothed. His eyes are closed, short lashes fluttering over his cheeks as he starts to snore. It would be so easy to kill him right now—to run the blade of my knife over his throat, cutting straight through his carotid. I’m not here for that tonight, though, and I don’t need to waste any more time than I already have.
Circling around the bed, I slip my hand into the pocket of my jacket and approach the nightstand on Daniel’s side, staring down at the half-full glass of water. In Liam’s story, Lex’s boyfriend gets thirsty in the night, reaching for the cup randomly without fully waking. I drag the Ziploc bag with a smashed pill from my pocket and pour the contents into the clear liquid.
Smiling, I shove the baggy back into my pocket and back away, my steps not halting until I’m back at the door. I look at Liam one more time, my mouth watering when he lifts one of his knees in front of him, his cheeks spreading. I have to wait. I can wait. For him, I’ll do anything. Like me, his life revolves around other people’s happiness.
He’s very pleasing as a person, convincing himself he’s happy if they are. I thought I was content too, with helping others sleep easy at night—taking away their real-life nightmares so they can live in peace. It’s not all for them, though. My reasons are partially selfish too. It’s a good way to justify draining thelife from someone, like my dad—a man who’ll forever haunt my mind no matter how many times I kill him.
When I reach the back door, I pause and laugh at the recipe box with its lid open sitting in the center of the counter. He found the recipe I left him—I knew he had when I read it in his book an hour ago, three chapters before the epilogue. Sneaky sneaky. When he eventually makes it—if he ever does in real life the same way he did in his book—that’ll be a sign he’s ready to be free. I was taken aback when I read about the accident Lex’s boyfriend was in. So tragic, but also not how I see it happening in real life. In the book he was a hero. Clearly Liam still views Daniel with rose-colored glasses, but I have to remember this is only his first draft.
I close the lid of the box but instead of exiting the door, I adjust my mask and lower myself onto one of the kitchen chairs. I wait and wait. Two hours pass while I stare into the dark living room and the dimly lit hallway with a night-light shining from one side. I’m at a perfect angle where I can see almost everything from here. I listen for any creaking of the floors, but it never comes. Only short deep coughs and a clearing of someone’s throat an hour ago. Nothing since. It’s been complete silence.
I scrape the floor with the bottom of the chair as I push myself back. Standing up, I take off my jacket and hang it over the back, and when I still hear nothing, I walk toward the room, my heart beating fast. Thump. Thump. It’s so loud, I’m worried it’ll keep me from hearing anything else.
I don’t ever have this problem with any other type of prey. There’s no fear or worry running through me, though, only excitement. I’m submerged in every feeling possible at this moment, but it has nothing to do with the chance of being caught by a cop. It’s because of Liam. He brings out so much of me I never knew existed. Feelings I didn’t think I’d ever share with other humans.
As soon as I’m in the room, I hurry to Daniel’s side and lift the glass. I tilt it from side to side but there’s no swishing liquid. Much like the guy in Liam’s book, the son of a bitch gets thirsty while sleeping, and he drank every single drop. I rub my fingers over the pulse of his neck and it’s slow, his breathing is too. He doesn’t move when I lift his hand, and it falls heavily beside him when I drop it. Perfect. He’s out like a light. Not for long, though, so I better get to it.
Heart thrumming and cock twitching, I tread lightly over to Liam. I sweep his hair over his forehead again and run a hand down the center of his back, my fingers pausing above his crack. This is what he wants. He showed me. It’s all highlighted in yellow. I want it too. I really, really want it. So much that my fingers twitch and my breathing stops the lower I go.
Hating the material between us, I remove one glove and place my fingers back between his cheeks, rubbing the inner walls and tracing over his hole. He wiggles beneath me, but his eyes don’t open. His nose wiggles and legs spread when I push hard. He’s already wet, so slick and partially open for me. I don’t need to use the lube I have in my pocket after all.
He got himself ready for this. “Such a good boy,” I whisper, caressing his ear with my lips, and his whole body shivers.
Could it be . . . Is my sweet carino awake?
My breaths hitch and I push the tip of my finger past his entrance, his delicious warmth making it hard for me not to take more too soon. He’s so tight. I wiggle myself deep and his hips shift. I swivel in and out of him before adding a second digit. My thrusts are slow at first, and I dive in deeper when he starts fucking himself on the mattress.
“So perfect and beautiful,” I say, licking his neck, and he purrs, tensing against the mattress when I find his sweet spot. “Ah, there it is.”
I rub over his prostate on repeat, and his soft whimpers turn into partial whines. The sounds turn animalistic as he gets closer to his orgasm, and as he starts to shake, I pull my hand back. He cries out softly in annoyance. Yeah, so awake and loving this. Oh, my sweet little love.
I tug the blanket further down, and my eyes are on Daniel tossing beside him, mumbling something in his sleep. He goes back to snoring and I go back to having more of his fiancé right next to him. Crawling between Liam’s legs, I spread his thighs and lift the bottom of my mask to lick at his rim. He pushes his ass against my face, and I dip my tongue inside his worked-open hole.
