Page 2 of Look My Way
Fifteen minutes later, I arrive at the diner, parking next to Felice’s car and another text from her arrives in my inbox. Not bothering to read it, I open the door and step inside. Finding my sister doesn’t take long, and her annoyance and frustrationis easy to spot from the door. She’s sitting in a back corner, twisting something in her hands while constantly glancing out the window.
The nervous look in her eyes and her tense muscles tell me it’s not me she’s looking for. Little does she know, she doesn’t have to worry about her sorry excuse for a boyfriend ever again. To him, he was still her boyfriend. To her, he was a man she was trying to move on from after falling for his fake charm. She tried to end things many times, but he wouldn’t stop showing up at her apartment or surprising her in the parking lot of her job. She’s worried he followed her here too. Kind of hard to do when he’s pulseless and underwater.
“Hey, sorry I took so long.” I lower myself into the seat next to her, smiling when I notice the drink she ordered for me. Diet Pepsi. I hate the stuff, but it was my mom’s favorite. I keep her favorite things close to me so I don’t forget what they were. So I don’t forget her.
Felice jumps in her chair, but settles once her eyes meet mine. “Oh. Hey. It’s okay. I don’t have anywhere to be until later anyway.”
She means her court hearing. Her second attempt at getting an assault charge placed on Ethan, or Eric. Or is it Evan? His name is irrelevant to me. They all were. These men didn’t deserve to be seen as everyone else, and don’t need to be remembered.
“Ah. You mean the hearing?”
“Yeah.” Her jaw tightens. “I hope he gets arrested this time. At least long enough for me to find a new place to live.”
“I told you that you could come stay with me anytime.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to put you out like that and make you a target too. You know what he did to the last guy friend who tried to help me. He doesn’t like me hanging out with you to begin with. How will he act if we’re staying together?”
“The guy has to have some serious insecurities to feel threatened by a gay man.” I take her hand when she glances out the window again. “It’s going to be okay soon. I promise. Guys like him always get what’s coming to them in the end.” Especially if they cross me. It may have started out as personal, but now this pastime of mine derives from anger. Sure, I’m no saint. I don’t pretend to be. But I’d never try to kill my own son, sexually assault my nephew, or beat on a pregnant woman. The list could go on. I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself when I was just a kid. My mom was my strength, and now I’m theirs.
“I wish that was always true. I feel like it’ll never be the case for a man like Emmett, though.”
Ah that was his name. I was kind of close, I guess. I got the E right. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”
She rubs her round, growing belly and sighs softly. “I want to trust in what you’re saying. I do. But at this point, I’ve lost all hope in ever being free from that man, and what if when the baby comes, he . . .” Her voice shakes and I wish I could kill the guy all over again.
Felice is the closest thing I have to family, and life has dealt us a really shitty hand of cards, but I won’t stop trying to change the deck. We met in foster care after my mom passed from cancer and my living situation with the only family member who would take me didn’t work out. We were all each other had then and all each other has now.
“He won’t hurt her. I won’t let him. He won’t hurt you again either.”
Her hand slowly slides back from mine and her eyes widen. “What did you do?”
“What I had to do.”
“Zavier,” she croaks. “When are you going to stop trying to play superhero and let things happen the right way?”
“The right way has done us no favors and always comes too late. You know that. We grew up with the same childhood. He deserved it. So did Earl and so did my uncle.” I lower my voice.
The corners of her lips tremble and she holds a napkin to her mouth, shaking her head. “We shouldn’t talk about this here. Or at all.”
“Then from here on out, we won’t. You’ll go to that hearing like you’re expecting him to show up.”
She nods and her hand falls on mine. “Promise me this is the last time. I can’t lose you too.”
She knows everything I’ve done and still wants me in her life. Views me as her safe place. As her family. Maybe she’s the reason I don’t think of myself as the monster the news reporters paint me as. I only see what she sees because she’s the only one who matters in my life.
“I can’t promise that.”
“Try.” Her eyes are pleading. “If not for me, then for your niece.”
Breathing out a long sigh, I nod. “I’ll try.”
And I do try, but then someone comes along breaking all my restraint and resistance by going too far. Then my trying goes out the window. And who’s to say it won’t happen again? Who’s to say all the wrong people won’t stop crossing paths with me? Or are they the right people I need to curb this dangerous appetite I’ve grown. One that I could release onto my sister or niece if I can’t get the same high and sense of purpose from anything else.
There aren’t many things I’m good at, but I am good at this. Perhaps it’s because it’s easy to spot a threat when you’ve had no choice but to become one yourself.
I kiss and hug Felice goodbye after we reach the parking lot, but I don’t get in my car when she drives away. As I’m turning around to head across the way, a red car speeds toward me. Tires screech against the pavement as I’m shoved out of the way. People rush outside from the restaurant, and someone shouts to call 911. I look over to my right to get a better look at my hero and he’s not what I expect him to be.
Bright blue eyes peer at me, glasses slanted on his face and puffy peach lips agape. He’s small and so thin his clothes hang off his body. My heart can’t help but escalate in my chest, way more than it did when I was seconds away from losing my life.
