Page 60 of Estranged Heart
“Condiments are on the table. I’ll meet you there in a bit. Gotta finish taking care of things here first.”
He grabs the plate and heads for the table, humming to the tune of the song playing. As he eats his food, I clean up my mess and wrap up the other hot dogs. He asks for a second one as I’m fixing myself a plate and his eyes light up as he sips his Coke for the first time.
“I forgot how good that tastes.”
I lower myself into the seat across from him, setting his hot dog on his plate. “Haven’t had a Coke in a while?”
He shakes his head, taking another drink and moaning with each swallow. “I’ve lived a lot of my life on a strict diet. Stacey was worse than my mom. My mom would occasionally let me enjoy a hamburger or milkshake—usually on special occasions—but not Stacey. She’s very by the book. All the time. She didn’t want to take any chances, especially when I got worse.”
“Makes sense. And you’re fine to have all those things now?”
“Yeah. In moderation. But it’s still hard for me at times. I keep hearing all of Stacey’s and my mom’s what ifs in my head. I know I’m better now, but there were small windows when I was younger where I thought I was better too.”
My chest squeezes and I hate the hopelessness in his tone. He’s so used to being held back out of caution that he’s now doing it to himself. I know the feeling too well—of being afraid of going too far and taking too much too soon. “How about, while we’re here, we add the what ifs to the banned list.”
His lips turn up. “Deal. No I’m sorrys, if onlys, or what ifs.”
Once we’re done eating, we go for a walk and sit by the lake, swatting away mosquitos as we enjoy the beautiful view in silence together. Scooting closer to me on the blanket, Silas leans his head on my shoulder, letting out a yawn.
“Who knew camping could be so exhausting.”
“Anything to do with being outside during the summer in Texas is.”
He looks up at me with slow-blinking eyes. “Yeah, I tried to avoid being out here on super-hot days. I was gasping for air enough hanging out indoors as it was.”
My heart breaks a little at that. “Then I guess I can force myself to sweat with you out here for a little longer.”
Releasing a sweet hum, he buries his face into my neck, reaching for my hand. “Go swimming with me?”
When I take too long to answer, he squeezes my fingers, his eyes pleading. How the hell can I say no?
“Yeah, okay. But we stay in the shallow end.”
He leads me to the water, stripping off his shirt on our way there. We both kick off our shoes and follow the rock path leading us into the water. Silas leans back, looking up at the sun while resting his knees against the sand. His hand is still holding mine, forcing me to lower my body. It does feel a lot better in here than it did when we were baking under the sun on the warm grass.
“I think I want a swimming pool in my back yard.”
I laugh at his randomness. “Oh yeah? Will there be a hot tub too? I much prefer those.”
“Duh. I first have to figure out where I’m going to be living, though. Maybe I’ll live in an apartment that has a pool instead, that way I don’t have to worry about all the extra maintenance.” He swims away from me and I hate the loss of his skin on mine when our hands separate.
“That could work too.”
“Yeah.” He sighs, still looking up at the sky and flapping his arms. “I guess I have time to figure it out.”
“You do.” I crawl closer to him, yanking him into my arms. “In the meantime, I’ll let you talk my ear off with ideas until you do.”
He presses his back to my chest, smiling, and we don’t get out of the water until it’s time to eat again. We have burgers and more chips for dinner. Silas gulps down his second soda and I offer him water as he sits down in front of the campfire with a poker in his hand. Thankfully he takes it. The last thing I want is for him not to enjoy the s’mores because he has an upset stomach from too much soda. There really is such a thing as too much too soon.
“I’m so used to warming these up in the microwave.” He shoves a marshmallow onto the end of the poker and lowers it to the fire. “Last time we tried to do it outside, we almost caught thedeck on fire.” He chuckles softly. “That was the last time Stacey allowed me to have a firepit.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I don’t blame her. Should I have brought a fire extinguisher with us? Do I have to monitor you the whole time you’re by the fire?”
“Possibly.” He lifts the poker when the marshmallow is close to being burnt at the tip. After eating our weight in s’mores, Silas climbs into my chair with me, resting most of his body on my lap. Eyes glowing from the flickering flames, he slides a hand up my chest, stroking one of my nipples. “Can we go to the tent now?”
“Ready to go to sleep?”
“No. I’m ready to feel you again and in another new place.”
