Page 27 of Estranged Heart
She rests her hands on my shoulders, peering deep into my eyes. “Well, the offer still stands if you change your mind. I’m always here for you. You know that.”
“I know, baby.” I sweep a strand of hair behind her ear. “I know.” I use the term of endearment because I know it’s what she needs. The muscles easing up in her face and her eyes softening confirm my assumptions.
“Go to work.” I speak again. “I’ll be here when you get back and we’ll sleep in tomorrow. Together.”
“Yeah.” She nods, kissing the corner of my lips. They get further and further away. “I’ll see you when I get home and we’ll stay in bed until I have to go in for my night shift.”
“Can’t wait.”
“Are you still going to the lake?”
“Probably. I’m hoping a swim will help me sleep better tonight. It’s been a while but I think I still remember how.” I flex my arms. “Just like riding a bike, right?”
Her brows furrow. “Are you sure you should be swimming alone?”
“I’ll be fine. I’ll stay in the shallow end around other people, and maybe purchase some arm floaties on the way there.”
She puffs out a rushed breath. “I think you should at least take someone with you. Maybe a friend?”
“You know I don’t have those anymore,” I say in a light, joking tone. She doesn’t laugh and her face only tenses more.
“You’re impossible, you know that?”
“It’s why you married me. You love the challenge.”
She laughs. “I wish I could say you were wrong.” She presses a brief kiss to my cheek. Yup, further away. “I’ll see you soon. Don’t lose consciousness and drown out there.”
“If I do, at least I won’t have to worry about having nightmares anymore.”
Not looking amused, she quickly turns on her heel and heads to the front door. “Bye, stubborn ass.” As she walks outside, she turns my way. “Please be careful.”
“I will.”
“And don’t go to sleep without me. I shouldn’t be too late.”
“Go, go,” I say, in between chuckles. “You’re going to make yourself late.”
She says bye one more time before slamming the door closed. Sinking against the wall, I rest my face in my hands. I’ll have to lie to the doctor too. She’ll ask if I went and I’ll have to tell her I did in order to keep her happy. If it’s the only way I can then I’ll do it. I don’t want to keep lying so I won’t. Not when it comes to this. I can’t keep being a shit husband. It’s breaking me and her.
If only she knew that nightmares weren’t the issue anymore. They haven’t been for days. Seeing Elijah so much this week has been fucking with my head. My heart stammers when his face appears in my mind. Fuck. Slamming my head back against the wall doesn’t help. He’s still there, taunting me with his crookedsmile and sparkling big brown eyes. Seeing his face soothes and calms the raging storm inside me. My skin burns as I claw at my scalp, desperate to break him free from my thoughts—from my memory. To remove him from my dreams.
Men kidnapping and strapping me to a table would have been better. Instead I was naked, hard, and rubbing my cock over Elijah’s, our tips leaking and his fingers smearing our precum together. His lips were parted and his eyes were half lidded. I thought seeing them wide open was hard to turn away from.
Wanting to shift focus, I dress in a pair of swim trunks and a muscle shirt, thinking about how long I plan to be in the water today. As long as it takes to tire me out so much my brain becomes a pile of mush. Who needs to have the energy to think anyway? Thinking is overrated. And dangerous too.
Leaving the house, I rush to my car and drive to the lake. In only twenty minutes, I’m pulling up into one of the spots I’ve been coming to recently. Today’s the first time I’ll be getting in the water. The weather is warm and perfect, the sun feeling amazing on my skin with a light breeze sweeping through my hair.
Only one other person is here, waving at me from the beach area, flexing her legs out on the sand. Walking to where she is, I wave back and lay my towel on the sand. After I drop my keys, shirt, and flip flips on top, I slowly approach the water.
“I think I oughta warn ya. The water is freezing today,” she says from behind me, staring up toward the sun with a large pair of pink-framed sunglasses on.
“Perfect. Exactly how I like it,” I respond, stepping into the lake. She’s right about it being cold, and I was right about it being perfect. Continuing to move forward, I lift my arms, and quickly dunk myself into the water once I’m far enough out. I swim closely by the woman for a little while before picking up my pace toward one of the docks. Biting off more than I canchew, I’m out of breath and my heart is struggling to catch up with the rest of me by the time I reach the dock. I place my hands on the wood and lift myself up onto my arms, resting my face on them while I catch my breath.
Getting excited about how good it felt to glide through the water again, I got carried away and forgot I was supposed to go slow. Rocking back and forth, kicking my legs, I lift my face out of the water and my heart jumps in my throat.
“Now I’m really convinced you’re tracking my phone or car.” Warm brown eyes hold mine in place.
“Or maybe you’re stalking me?”
