Page 15 of Estranged Heart
I rub a hand over my stinging eyes, focusing on the pain in my face to distract me from the throbbing pain in my chest. It’s not working, so I press my nails hard into my sockets, needing my misery to come from something else for a little while. Anything else.
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. We are doing our best to find out who was behind your husband’s murder. It’s really all we can do. As soon as we find anything else we’ll let you know, but for now I suggest maybe talking to someone. This isn’t something someone should go through alone.”
“I’ll be going through this alone no matter who’s around. My best friend is gone. The man I looked forward to spending the rest of my life with. Talking to someone won’t fill the void in me. I’ll only keep reliving these moments again and again. All I want to do is see my husband. Where is he?”
Standing up slowly, he pulls at the hem of his jacket. “I can take you to him but I have to warn you, seeing him this way might—”
“I don’t care. You still need me to identify him, don’t you?”
His lips pull tightly together and he nods.
“Then I’ll do it tonight.”
“You can drive with me or follow me in your own car. Your choice.”
“I’ll follow you. I’ll meet you outside. I have to get something first.”
“Sure. I’ll be waiting in my car.” He heads outside and I rush to my room. I search everywhere until I find the picture of me and Landon at the fair. It was my favorite. We were both smiling while he held a stuffed unicorn in his arms. His face was glowing under the ferris wheel lights, and his eyes were filled with so much joy I could feel it from the photo.
I shove it in my pocket and exit the house. I want it with me for when I need to see him at his best after viewing him at his worst. The man I’m being taken to identify isn’t him anymore. The Landon standing beside me in all our photos with life and love in his eyes was. Not everything between us was a lie. He might have hidden the money and his results from me, but what he felt for me was always right there on the surface.
Seven
Silas
“Move on over, you’re hogging the bed again. If you stay where you are, I’ll have to lie on top of you.”
The words from my last dream remain in my head, following me to every room I go into. If I’m not dreaming of trying to escape with my life from some weird warehouse, I’m lying in bed next to a man I don’t know, swimming in a lake while he smiles down at me, or cooking in a strange kitchen. There’s no in between. It’s either him or the bad guys. He’s the better option so I don’t wish him away anymore. If he doesn’t come,they do.
“You don’t have to go back yet. You can always wait another month or two.” Stacey’s voice cuts through the mystery man’s.
Running a hand through my hair, I look at myself in the mirror one more time before exiting the bathroom. Stacey is standing outside the door with her hands shoved deep in her pockets and her shoulders raised. She worries too much, and I’m getting tired of her continuously treating me like glass.
“I need to get out of the house. I’m bored and antsy all day. Hopefully being back at the shop and doing what I love will help me to feel myself again.”
“It just seems too soon.” She nibbles on her bottom lip, rocking on the balls of her feet. Does she think trapping me in here all day will keep my heart working? If any issues arise, they could happen anywhere, and it would be better for me to be surrounded by others if they do. Besides, I don’t have a very stressful job and don’t even have to work with customers right away if I don’t want to. At some point, I need to return to the outside world, and in order for me to be happy at home again, I need to stop resenting it so damn much. Home is supposed to be a place you look forward to coming back to by the end of the day, not one you worry about never being able to leave.
“It’s been three months, Stacey. I can’t sit here all alone watching TV, or reading and vegging on the couch until you get home. I need a change of pace. To be around flowers again and other people.”
Nodding, she swipes a strand of brown hair from her eyes, her dark clothing adding to the sadness buried within. Her outer appearance matches the dark cloud she walks under every day. Has she been this unhappy for our whole marriage? Was I too sick to notice?
She’s so different from when we first met, and not because she’s older. The inner light she had inside her and her colorful outer aura are gone. The life and hope vibrating off her is what brought us together. She gave me what I needed to keep going, while I offered her someone to take care of and a reason to be stronger. What happens if we can’t get those things from each other anymore?
“Okay.” She sucks air between her teeth. “If this is what you need. Just promise me you won’t overdo it.”
Reaching out to her, I cup her cheek, missing the spark that once traveled between us. It’s only skin touching skin now—no warmth showing in her eyes and none filling my heart from her face pressing to my palm. What’s happened to us? What’s happened to me?
“I won’t,” I say almost too softly. “I promise.”
She places her hand over mine and briefly kisses my fingers, and I wait for tingles to cover my skin or my heart to be full. Something. Anything. A sign we’re still us.
“Okay. I’ll keep my phone on me in case you need anything, and I’m driving you there myself.”
I pull my hand from her face, dragging hers with it, and I squeeze her fingers. “It’ll make you feel better but I promise you don’t have to worry. Reese and Bethany will be there with me. It’s not like I’ll be alone like I am here.”
“I know. I just worry is all.”
“You do.” Lifting my other hand, I grab her chin and peck her lips. “And what have I told you about that?”
