Page 78 of Estranged Heart
“I think once you’re in the moment you’ll know right then what to say, and maybe some of these feelings do come from his husband’s heart, but the way your eyes lit up every time he looked at you earlier was all you.” She kisses my cheek. “Now get some rest, because you look like you could drop at any moment. That tea must be kicking in.”
I laugh. “You’re right. It has been a long day. Thanks for the chat. I always could come to you about everything, no matter what it was.”
“And you still can. Good night, sweetheart. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night.” My phone dings and I’m relieved to see a little bit of the Elijah I was needing to see when we were saying goodbye at the door earlier.
Elijah: I’m home and these people sure do hold their partners a lot in these skating videos.
Me: Does that mean you’ve decided to wear skates with me tomorrow?
Elijah: It means I’m definitely considering saying yes more than before.
I laugh.
Me: That’s better than a straight no. Means we’ll be at a yes by the time you get here.
Elijah: Only time will tell. See ya soon, Sunshine.
Me: Night.
With my heart settling in my chest, I head to my room, plug in my phone, and crash as soon as my head hits the pillow. Only time will tell, something I finally feel I have plenty of.
Twenty-seven
Elijah
After checking on the restaurants and helping bring in inventory at the bookstore, I return home to straighten my house. A pink and white object catches my attention in the kitchen by one of the chairs and I bend down to retrieve it, going still when my fingers come in contact with the soft cotton yarn. A beat later, I pick up the washcloth and Silas’s smiling face comes to mind.
I texted him last night after acting so coldly toward him at his house when his mom mentioned all his new preferences. Landon loved lavender and chamomile tea too. There have been several instances where I’ve heard or felt Landon in him, and I admit I’ve tried to hang onto them, but I don’t want to let any part of Silas go either.
Besides, he can’t have Landon’s heart. If he did, that would mean . . . A sharp sensation pains my stomach. No. I ball my fist around the washcloth. Silas would never be a part of somethingso vile. He doesn’t strike me as a person who’d have someone killed to save himself. Yeah, he’s lied and cheated, but he isn’t a murderer. My breaths become shallow as my chest squeezes tighter around my heart and I toss the washcloth on the bed. I don’t like where my mind is going and how it’s starting to add up all the small coincidences.
“It’s not his heart,” I say out loud. “It’s not.” I ball my fists at my sides, not sure what to believe anymore. The pull I first felt when I met him and when I ran into him at the lake . . . It was hard to ignore. Then I got to know him and kept coming back because of how damn good he felt. Silas was the sunlight I wanted to lie under, the fresh air I wanted to constantly breathe in, and the guessing game I can’t stop playing. I think . . . no . . . I know I’m falling in love with him.
Not because of the similarities, but because of all those emotions he shares with me. Those big smiles, joyous laughs, and the way he can turn so much of the negative into positive in an instant. My world felt like it was losing color until him, and I can already feel it fade away with every thought of him being the man I hope he isn’t.
My phone rings, shaking me from my reverie, and I reach for it. The police station number showing up on the screen prompts me to answer the call.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Pena?”
“This is he,” I say a little too quickly, walking in circles.
“You have time to meet me at the station? We have new information regarding your husband’s case.”
My steps come to a halt, and my heart speeds up. “Yeah, of course. I can come there now.” I look at the time and relief floods me when I see I have another two hours until I have to pick up Silas. None of these meetings have run long and I doubt this onewill either. I’m so tired of getting my hopes up only to be told we were no closer than we were before.
I leave the washcloth on the bed, enjoying how that bit of Silas looks on my side. Maybe this doesn’t have to be as hard as I’ve been making it. Out of habit, I straighten the comforter on the mattress. No one sleeps in here anymore so I don’t know why I bother. I guess because I know Landon would appreciate it. I don’t have to let all of him go to be with Silas, and I don’t have to walk away from Silas in order to continue loving a man who’s no longer here. He’ll always be a part of me and the person who showed me how to love to begin with.
After I shut off all the lights, I head for the station, turning on the radio to distract me on the way there. I can’t stop wondering what the new evidence is and keep pleading in my head,“Please have nothing to do with Silas.”
I sit in the car, debating whether I should go in or not. What if they really did find evidence worth noting this time? Do I really want to know what it is, or is it better to sometimes live in the dark?
I squeeze my eyes shut and then open them again, slamming my hand on the wheel. I have to know. Either way, I have to know who’s responsible for Landon’s death, no matter how much the truth could destroy me.
Taking deep breaths, I step out of the car and glance up at the sun peeking out from behind the clouds before walking inside. A cop greets me at the front desk, telling me to go on back and I do, looping around a row of desks. I know this station like the back of my hand at this point and could no doubt find my way around the building with my eyes closed.
