Page 72 of Estranged Heart
“Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting that curve ball.” She averts her gaze, placing her hands on her hips, and her eyes tilt toward the floor.
“I know. I’m a terrible human being and that’s not the only bad part of this.”
“It’s not? Don’t tell me he’s in a relationship with a second person or has a child on the way.”
I release a strained laugh. “No. None of that. He’s married to one of Landon’s employees, but I didn’t really connect it all until he showed up at the restaurant to take her to lunch.”
“Shit.” She runs a hand down the back of her hair, eyes widening in disbelief but not showing any signs of judgment. “How did this happen exactly? How did you two meet?”
I close and open my fists. “I first met him at a floral shop he manages part time when I was ordering flowers for the funeral, but didn’t see him again for I think a week or so, and then wejust kept running into each other. One thing led to another, and a kiss led to more, then here we were. There was this connection between us, like a force neither of us could win against. Like I said, it’s crazy.”
Her lips turn inward and she places a hand over her chest as if to relieve a pressure there. “There’s something you don’t know, and I hope this doesn’t change your perception of him. I mean, no one’s perfect, right? And it was so long ago.” A nervous laugh rushes past her lips. “But that first month you and Landon started dating, he was in a two-year relationship with a guy named David.”
“David, the man he worked for before investing in his own restaurant?” My jaw tightens.
“That’s the one. He tried to tell you more than once, but time kept passing and he didn’t want to ruin what y’all had over something he felt was so small. He said the relationship was over the moment he met you and they were mostly just together in name.”
My stomach twists and a wave of nausea hits me. “So all those times he said he had to leave to help his grandmother he . . . Did they live together?”
“Yes, but listen, Elijah . . .” She reaches for my hand and I back away.
A sharp pain rolls over my chest like a large boulder, and it’s so damn crushing my breaths are ragged.
“He loved you, okay? My point is, I don’t see you as a bad person for this and he wouldn’t either. He’d understand because he’s been there before but with you.”
“Was he living with Rosie before he randomly moved in with me after six weeks of us being together?”
A muscle in her cheek tics. “No.” She nervously scratches at her arm, holding it to her chest. “He was sharing an apartment with David. They were in separate rooms, though. Do you reallywant all the details? I don’t think it’ll do you any good to dwell on—”
“It’s not about it being in the past or not.” I walk over to the bar, pouring myself a drink. The vodka stings my throat as I chase down the shot. I kept it hidden in the lower cabinet for when it was hard to be here, when I felt like the walls were swallowing me whole. It’s happening again.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I thought I was helping. I shouldn’t have said anything. There are things that are better off—”
“What? Kept as secrets? Because it seems like he had a lot of them. His illness, all that money, and now this. What else is there?”
“Nothing else, I promise.”
“As far as you know.” I tighten my fingers around the glass. “Who was I even married to? Who am I mourning because I feel like I don’t know this man every time a new revelation happens.”
Circling the bar, she pulls me into a hug. “You knew all the important things. You knew his heart and how much he loved you.”
I open my mouth and close it again. The next time I try to speak, the door dings open and two customers walk in. We break apart and I greet them, asking if I can help them find anything, and when one says yes, I turn to Jessa, and she waves at me when I give her an apologetic smile. I’m not mad at her. This was between me and Landon—or was supposed to be.
Did he love me? Yes. Do I still love him and wish he was here? Of course. But I have a right to be upset too. There are no rules when it comes to mourning. Like grief, it’s another hurdle I’ll have to work my way through with time.
“What can I help y’all find?” I turn back to the customers.
The woman names a book I recognize before she can name the author, and I point her in the right direction. “There shouldbe two left in the romance section. The middle shelf and in the center. It’s been a popular one this week.”
She smiles a silent thank you and her husband trails behind her as they walk over to where the book is. When they’re no longer paying us any attention, Jessa embraces me in one last hug, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Don’t be such a stranger, okay? And I’m sorry he kept so much from you. I know it hurts, and I won’t tell you not to feel what you feel. He might have thought he was doing the right thing at the time.” She pauses. “Love has us doing stupid shit sometimes, often turning us into someone we don’t recognize ourselves. I’m only glad yours turned out as beautiful as it did. Who knows, maybe what you have with this guy can too. You won’t know if you walk away now.” She takes a step back, sliding her hands from my back to my shoulders. “So don’t.”
“Thanks,” I whisper. “And I’ll make sure to visit more. I really do miss you and the kids.”
“Message me later and we’ll schedule dinner or something.”
Smiling, I give a slight nod. “Sounds good. I’m glad you came by and I’m also glad you told me. It did help in a way, and it also helped me understand him better. Because you’re right about love making you do crazy things, and I think . . . although it’s too soon, that might be what this is. I didn’t know that side of Landon but he didn’t know this side of me either. We both had weak moments where we were someone neither of us would recognize in each other. If my weak moments don’t define who I am as a person then neither do his.”
Her eyes water and she squeezes my shoulders. “Take care of yourself, Elijah.” She pecks my cheek, and before she turns to leave says, “I’ll be expecting a phone call or text soon.”
