Page 10 of Run to Me
“Guys like him don’t belong anywhere but a fucking jail cell,” someone shouts from the large, gathering crowd.
“Don’t worry. I don’t want to be here anyway.” Rushing away, I don’t look back until my face is hit by a slight breeze andthe smell of wet grass. They’re all staring at me, their faces threatening like some fucking angry mob.
“What are you waiting for? Get the fuck off my lawn, freak show.”
My whole body vibrates with anger, and I don’t calm down until I spot Nate sitting on a bench alone across the way at some park. I choose him. I’ll always choose him. Flipping Garrett off, I go in the one direction my heart never has trouble following. As I’m sitting down, I say the first thing on my mind. “I’m sorry about Rick.”
Lowering his head, he digs his fingers into his knees. “Yeah. It was only a matter of time before something like that happened with a guy like him.”
“Doesn’t make it any better.”
He shrugs, sighing. “I guess I keep trying to see the good in everyone but it doesn’t always turn out the way it has with you.”
He says that because he doesn’t know the inner thoughts I struggle with daily. He can’t see my dreams, and I don’t act on many of the instinctual urges that were built into me a long time ago.
“You can’t talk to people on the outside. They’re dangerous. They’ll undo all the good we’ve done. They’ll get in the way of our calling to help others.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I take a breath. It wasn’t good, what we did. It was evil. I wish I could stop questioning myself on whether I was wrong to run away. Whether I was wrong to reveal my dad for the monster he was. It had to be done and I know it did. This is the life I need to connect with, but how can I when half of me can’t leave that fucking basement or be rid of the mindset that Nate should be tied up when I talk to him, for both of our safety.
“I wish I could see only what you see when you look at me.”
“I wish you could too.” He lifts my hand and places a lightning bug on my palm. Glowing brightly, the small creature flaps its wings and I’m mesmerized by its ability to be brave enough to stay where it is.
“I think it can see it too. It stays because it feels safe. The same reason I do.” Linking his arm in mine, he rests his head on my shoulder and watches the lightning bug circle us a few times before flying away. The sky is dark but all I can focus on is the bug’s light, and when it’s fully gone Nate takes its place, and for a little while I forget about the dark basement and my life before. I forget about my worries of becoming the man my father would be proud of—the one I turn into in my nightmares.
Five
Jace
Nineteen years old
“We did it! We survived high school.” Nate wraps his arms around me, kissing me on the cheek. Not sure what made him start doing that but I remember when it first happened. Six months ago, when he’d wished me a happy birthday, he pressed his warm, soft lips to my cheek and I immediately became addicted.
“We did,” I agree. Shouldn’t I feel more joy over graduating? It’s a big deal, isn’t it? To get honors and be accepted into a four-year college of my choice.
It had been like the separation was happening all over again while I waited for my name to be called earlier. I was standing on the ceiling, watching my life unfold from someone else’s viewpoint as whispers filled my ears.
“He shouldn’t even be allowed on stage with the other kids,” one woman said.
“Probably the only time he’ll make his mother proud,” another spoke in a hushed whisper. Not low enough for menot to hear. Your ears grow more sensitive when you spend so much time in the dark. “I know guys like him. He’ll get bored and hurt someone. Guys corrupted from a young age usually do,” she continued.
More words had wrapped around me until my head spun and Nate took my hand, helping me leave them all behind before accepting my diploma. Yeah, we really did do it. Together. He made it easier to walk a straight line—to head in the right direction—because it always led to him. Getting great grades in school will get us into the same college, and graduating together will let us leave for college at the same time and avoid the bullies who kept me by his side at school when he needed me most.
“I’m so proud of my boys,” my mom says from beside us, my stepdad smiling as he wraps his arm around her. Or I should say, my official dad on paper. He’s been trying to adopt me for a long time and it finally went through last month. My dad fought to keep his rights and my mom fought even harder to have them taken away. She won, but then she also gained a new problem with me being her prize. Why did she want me so badly? Why now? There are still things I don’t understand about her leaving me behind with him, and her constantly saying she never wanted to be without me messes with my head too much.
“Know that I always wanted you here. Not a day went by while you were gone that I didn’t think about you,” she said to me on my eighteenth birthday, only months ago.
Yet she left me to suffer for eleven years. The worst part is, some of the memories of my dad still show up in my head as fond ones. They were our best days together, but my mom has shown me over the years that there was nothing good about them. Doesn’t she understand? She’s part of the reason my brain is broken. I didn’t realize I needed to be saved. I didn’t know there was a better life out there. It’s hard to when you’re taught at a young age to view your monster as a hero.
“How about one more picture before you two leave us for the next three days?” my stepdad says, pulling me from my reverie.
“But my hair’s all messed up from my hat,” Nate whines in the cute way he sometimes does.
“Then put your hat back on. Problem solved.” I ruffle his hair and he elbows me in the side.
“You and your bright ideas.”
“That is why they call me the smart brother,” I deadpan and Nate shoots me a glare.
