Page 44 of Run to Me
The perfect, do-good fiancé somehow earned his place in those frames over me. Although I did typically shy away from photos unless Nate was the cameraman. As I’m about to question my true place in this house, that’s when I spot it. On the fireplace mantle rests a photo of me and Nate on graduation day, right next to one of us dressed for prom. I smile, running my fingers over the frame and tracing the happiness displayed on both our faces.
“I thought you wanted to see your room?”
I turn around, tilting my head, and ignore the itch in my fingers to reach out and touch him. “Yeah, but I figured I’d take a trip down memory lane first and see what other important memories Dad’s captured while I was gone.”
“You walked past my college graduation photo.” I think back to the photo of him and Glen, remembering the cap and gown he was sporting. Of course Mr. Perfect was there for one of the most important days of his life. Why does he act like he needed me there too? He replaced me and the evidence is everywhere. How long did he wait to truly move on?
I know he dated months after me leaving, telling me all about where he went and sharing embarrassing moments. He also mentioned how unsatisfied he was each time and I’m waiting for him to do it again with this guy. Why was he the lucky one whogot to stay? And did he make Nate squirm and moan the way I did whenever I kissed his sensitive spots?
“I saw it. You and Glen really are the perfect couple.”
“Is that really what you think?” He scrutinizes me with his eyes.
“Yes, but even in things that are perfect, hidden flaws lie ready to be unburied.”
“Is that why you’re here? To try and unbury them? You’re still trying to save me from the world, aren’t you?” he shouts. “Well, I don’t need you to. You came to congratulate me and now you can return to your farm.”
“And I will once my visit is over.”
“I waited for you.” His voice shakes. “I waited and waited. Did you even care at all?”
My stomach shifts, his sadness spreading across my chest like a thousand knives. “Do you really want me to answer that question?”
“Yes. Why did you stay away for so long? Why did you break your promises?”
“I didn’t want to. It was better that I did, though. Look how well you’re doing. You have everything you could ever want.”
“But I don’t have you.” His words cut deep into my heart, slicing it right in half.
“You don’t need me. Especially when you have him now. He seems good for you.”
He looks down at his shuffling feet. “He is. Too good. He deserves more than I can give him. Someone who’s not already hopelessly in love with someone else.” He peers back up at me, holding my stare.
“Nate.”
“If you plan to leave again, why not get it over with? Why drag it on and leave more memories behind for me to sulk in?” His eyes water, and he slaps my hand away the way he did yesterdaywhen I tried to offer him some comfort by running my fingers over his skin. Would I have stopped there, though? I’m not sure I would have been able to. Not with the way he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth and how the curling tips of his hair begged my fingers to tug on them.
“I’m not leaving because I want to. I’m leaving because—”
“Save me the bullshit.” He lifts a shaky hand between us. “I don’t want to hear how you’re doing this for me. How you’re trying to do the right thing. Because you and I . . .” He points between us, jabbing me in the chest. “Were never wrong. We weren’t.”
“Mom wouldn’t agree. Most people wouldn’t. Glen wouldn’t either.”
He laughs mockingly, shaking his head. “Why do you keep bringing him up in this?”
“Because he’s your fiancé, and if he knew about us he would never have written me that email. He would never have suggested I stay with you so we could reconnect.”
“He comforted me on my worst days, you know. He forced me back into the world on days I wanted to shut it all away.” His voice grew smaller and I wanted nothing more than to take him in my arms. “Do you plan on showing up for the wedding too? Or are you going to disappear for another seven years?”
“I don’t know yet.” He inches closer, the air growing thin between us and the smell of his shampoo clouding my better judgement. He’s right, if I’m going to leave anyway, I might as well get it over with. Which is so damn hard to do when everything in me is screaming to stay. When his needy stares are begging me to stay. He says we were never wrong, and I want to believe that more than anything. But I can’t stop seeing the disappointment in my mom’s eyes. I can’t stop seeing the worry and blame she held for me at dinner last night. I’m not sure I’ll be able to erase it from my memory if she does it againtonight either. And I don’t think I could handle him looking at me the same way when he discovers how I’ve been quieting my nightmares.
“I’m still waiting for you, Jace,” he whispers against my lips. “I don’t know how to stop.”
“I’m right here.”
“No you aren’t. Not in the way you should be.” He lets out a breath, rubbing the back of his head. “You should go do what you said you came here to do. Mom really did keep your room exactly the same.”
“You go in there often or something?” I say, tugging at his arm when he tries to walk away.
