Page 58 of Run to Me
“But—”
“How about you let me hold you while we watch one last scary movie together?”
“I . . .” I lick my dry lips. “Okay.”
I don’t fight him on it anymore. A deal is a deal and I need to stand by it like I promised I would. I can try. I’ve gone through this before—only this time it feels more final.
He turns on the TV and chooses the movie when I don’t make any suggestions. I go still against him, looking at the way his chest rises and falls while he watches the screen. When the alarm goes off on his phone, I help him load the trunk with his bags. Neither of us says a word at the restaurant, and I pull my hand away from his when he tries to hold it.
Saying goodbye this time will be different than it would have been back then. Because no one’s making him go this time. He’s leaving on his own. This is his choice to make and he’s still settled on walking away from us. I help him get his bags out of the car, and when he tries to kiss me I press a hand to his chest. “How about you save that goodbye kiss for next time.”
His face falters. “Oh, baby. This is it. There is only this time. Don’t you want to make it count?”
I stand my ground, backing away. “Have a safe flight home, Jace. And if you want that kiss, you’ll have to come back for it.”
His eyes water and he takes a deep breath. “Bye, Nate. I love you, and in order to keep you loving me, we have to go our separate ways.”
“I still don’t understand. There’s nothing you could do that would make me stop loving you.”
“And the longer you think that, the better we’ll all be. Maybe we’ll both be in a better place in seven years. Maybe by then, we both can officially say we’ve moved on and you can really be the brother I should have kept you as.”
He lifts his bags and disappears slowly into a crowd of people. I stand here, waiting for him to turn around, and I have no doubt in my mind I’ll be waiting in seven more years as well.
Twenty-Seven
Jace
Heart heavy, I sit in my seat, waiting for the plane to take off. Something sharp digs into my leg from my book bag, and my breathing picks up when I pull out the notebook Nate made me when we were younger.
“All the things that make Jace a good person.”
I stroke my fingers over the title before flipping through the pages. My lips stretch into a smile when I see the last list made was this morning.
Jace cares about others' needs before his own.
Jace showed me the world while I stood still.
Jace kept me safe from Leatherface.
I laugh and read on. Skimming the page until I reach the last one.
Jace thinks he’s choosing what’s right for me over what he wants.
Jace has always been what’s right for me.
I shut the book and shove it back in my bag, staring out the window, seeing his words even when I shut my eyes.
I tried to be right for him. I tried to be right for myself but then blood covered my hands. Fearful eyes have been aimed toward me. What they say on the local news, about the man who goes around town mutilating men, are things I can’t hear him say too.
Evil. Monster. Disturbed.
They don’t care what those men did before I got to them. Not all of them had track records, and that’s what made them more dangerous. No one was watching them. No one knew to keep others safe from their sick thoughts and actions. No one but me.
I hurt and destroy the lives of people who deserve it, but I’m still hurting people. I’m still dangerous. No matter what, that’s still what everyone sees. It’s all they’ll ever see. But not him, and I’ll do whatever it takes to let him only see the good sides of me.
Twenty-Eight
Jace
