Page 32 of Run to Me
Not with the way Mom’s glaring at me from her seat. We eat in mostly awkward silence, my dad the first to break it by talking about their trip being cut short. He mentions going to see my grandma, asking me to go with him, and I nod as I shove another bite of food into my mouth.
“What about you, Jace?” My dad’s eyes flit his way.
“I . . . Yeah, okay.”
“Actually, Jace can go tomorrow,” my mom chimes in. “I need to talk to him about something.”
“Oh, alright,” my dad says, brows lifting in suspicion. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Everything’s fine.” My mom forces a smile. “We’ll all go tomorrow.”
Neither of us say another word, and after my mom clears the table my dad and I leave for the hospital. The drive is short and quiet. I look out the window, trying to distract my mind. This can’t be the end of us. I won’t let it be. I don’t care what Mom says, I won’t stay away from Jace for long. He’s the best kind of good I could ever ask for too . . . even if he can’t see it.
Thirteen
Jace
Mom looks down at the table, her face wrinkling, and I can tell she’s trying to gather her thoughts. Trying to make sense in her head of what she saw and how to move forward. She scrubs harder at the wood and then falls forward, her face landing in her hands. Her loud sobbing cuts at my chest like a knife. I’ve disappointed her again. I always will, won’t I? I can’t keep pretending I can be the son she needs me to be.
“Mom, I—”
“Don’t,” she says under her breath, rubbing at her eyes. “Just don’t.”
“I’m sorry. It was my fault, not his. Please don’t blame Nate for this.”
“I don’t.” She straightens her back, unable to meet my eyes. “I don’t blame you either. It’s that man’s fault. What he did to you . . . It’s my fault. I should have looked harder . . . I should have . . .” She lets out a sigh, shaking her head.
“I love him. I know it’s not right, but I do.”
“I knew you two spent too much time together. Your dad didn’t think so, but I knew.” Her voice shakes. “I just knew it wasn’t normal. How close you got. All the hugging and hand-holding. And no . . .” She looks me right in the eyes. “It’s not right, sweetheart. And it’s why I have to make a decision. A hard one.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re an adult now so you’re old enough to go where you want, but I think you should go stay with your uncle Judd for the rest of the summer.”
“What?” My heart stops in my chest. Judd lives in another state, far away from here. I’d never see Nate again. That’s why she thinks I should go. She doesn’t want me near him. She no longer trusts me.
“I’m sorry but . . . it’s not a good idea for you to stay here. Don’t think I’m giving up on you because I’m not, but Jace . . . what I saw today.” Her hand lifts to her chest and her bottom lip shakes. “What if others found out? What if . . . I don’t think anyone else would understand. I mean, I’m trying to myself.”
“It won’t happen again, I promise. Please don’t make me leave.”
“It’s either that or another group home. You and your brother don’t need to be near each other right now. I think he’s confused too, and you being here will only make it worse. Time away from each other will be good for you both. I’ve talked to your uncle already, and he said he could use some help on the farm.”
“Mom—”
“Please,” she begs, with her eyes as much as her words. My throat closes up, breaths strangled in my lungs. “Do this for him if not for yourself. You both have so much to look forward to, and I’d hate to see you both throw it all away for some strange phase you’ve fallen into.”
“Phase?”
“He’s your brother, Jace.” Her words shake me up inside, my nose flaring. “Can’t you see what you’re doing to him? I think you need more help than we realized. You came home too soon. I wanted you here so bad, I didn’t want to see it. I can’t have both my sons . . .”
“I’ll go.” I lower my head, tugging at the hem of my shirt. “You don’t have to remind me of all the trouble I’ve caused since moving here. I’ll go.”
“Jace.” She reaches for my hand and I shove her away.
“I’ll go to my room and pack.”
She doesn’t say anything else, nodding as I rush up the stairs. What do I tell Nate? That I’ve agreed to leave him so I wouldn’t cause him more trouble than I already have? So I wouldn’t destroy the full life he could live without me being here? What if all this time away makes him see what everyone else sees? I wouldn’t be able to handle him looking at me the way they do.
