Page 9 of A Different Form of Oxygen
Five
Gavin
I can’t believe how close I was to Ben’s lips, and how soft they were as I lightly moved mine over them in a teasing way. I was glad the uneasiness between us at the bakery was gone. I’m still not sure what that was about. The mood had suddenly shifted between us, and then he stormed out. I only planned to bring Ben his wallet and his food but something unexpected happened. We talked as if we were long lost friends giving each other a hard time. Shamefully flirting in his small, tastefully decorated kitchen. We were so close it was unnerving, raising the hair on my arms.
Ben just stood there, not moving. Allowing my lips to tease his. I didn't mean to step so close to him, but before I knew it, I had him unintentionally pressed against the counter. As if my body knew something I didn't, doing all my actions for me. I stayed there way too long, tightly clasping my hands around the pastry on the counter, trying to remind myself why I got so close to him to begin with.
The distraction was merely to steal his food, but I almost ended up stealing a kiss instead. As much as I regretted resisting the temptation to fully press my lips against his, I knew it was for the best. We see each other often and I didn't want to leave things awkward between us. It wasn’t the same as kissing a stranger at a bar. We eventually will end up in the same room, whether it be an engagement party our friend Jennie throws, or weekly game nights Ben and Casey decided to start having.
I asked Ben to hang out, thinking maybe we could be friends. It would make for less awkward game nights. When we finally managed to have a real conversation, I found myself enjoying it. Even if most of it included snarky comments and sarcasm.
It was much easier to converse with him when we were alone and he was so comfortable in his own home in unkempt clothes and hair, coming off more approachable than usual. He lacked the shimmery eye shadow, vibrant clothes, and overly loud demeanor. Maybe it was only awkward before because I never came to get-togethers alone. That was when all Ben's flirting toward me stopped and he always remained on the opposite side of the room or busy in another guy's arms.
The honk of someone's horn nearby chases my thoughts away as I drive further away from Ben's house. Only the sound of my engine keeps me company when the car passes me by, angry over me driving the speed limit. That was the thing about living out in the country; the speed limit didn't matter to anyone but me. I let the impatient driver go around me, glad it’s still light outside so I could catch him swerving around my car. I pass the usual bales of hay and herd of cows behind the wooden fence, as I usually do taking this way home. I always enjoy the scenery of the fields of green grass and roaming animals.
My porch lights come into view, standing out against the empty land around it. A box of Kyle's stuff still sat on my porch, making me clench my teeth as I pull into my driveway. Stuff he refuses to come get, soaked and falling apart from the rain. My feet slosh up the sidewalk as I kick the wilted box closer to the edge. I plan to take it to the donation drop off Friday if it's still there. I don't need it sitting there reminding me of what a bad idea taking Kyle back was.
I twist the knob, pushing open my unlocked door. I was one of those people who never locked it because I used to never have anything worth stealing. I still don't have much; not because I can't afford it, but because I have no use for it. All the game systems, movies, and exercise equipment belonged to Kyle. All things I bought him and all things that left when he did. I kick off my shoes as I enter my house to avoid trailing wet footprints across the wooden floor.
My stomach grumbles as I open the freezer, searching for something edible. I throw a frozen pizza in the oven before walking into my living room, glancing at all the books I’ve abandoned all these months. I run my fingers over the dusty spines that sit on the living room bookshelf, one of the very few things that did belong to me. Kyle never appreciated them the way I did. Another reason I should have known it wouldn't last.
I slide one out by Stephen King, one I've been meaning to pick back up but had been too occupied entertaining my overly demanding ex-boyfriend. Sliding my fingers over each page, I land on the one I left off on. Making myself comfortable in my brown recliner, I pull the lever to lift my feet up and lean my head back into the soft leather. Maybe being without Kyle isn't so bad after all.
I forgot how nice the silence could be. I allow my thoughts of Kyle to quickly get replaced by the words on each page. Nothing like a good horror book to take your mind off everything else going on in your life. The only thing I didn't want to forget about was my Friday hang out with Ben.
Our intimate moments in his kitchen were nearly as thrilling as my hook-up with the stranger from last night, a person I'll probably never see again because I don’t plan on going back to that club. All these thoughts of Ben also brought more questions to surface.Why was Ben so different today? Why am I suddenly finding myself more drawn to him?Sure, I always found the guy attractive, but I also found him immature, loud, and too expressive—but that all changed today. The physical attraction I’ve always felt for him—and fought against—morphed into something more after spending time with him in his kitchen.
I always ignored his advances because I didn't think they were serious.
Ben seemed overly friendly with everybody. I didn’t allow myself to separate him from Kyle and now that I’ve freed myself of Kyle’s chains, it made it easier. Kyle ripped out my heart and stomped on it, repeatedly. Being lonely left me vulnerable. It was easier to let him go after this last time.
The oven beeps, pulling me from my thoughts making me realize I had no idea what I even read the last few pages and was just aimlessly flipping away. The smell of cheese and an array of veggies levitating in the air make my stomach grumble louder as I open the oven. I stare at the large pan of pizza sitting on the stove, not remembering how long it’s been since I’ve tasted olives. Kyle never liked them, and I was always more than happy to pull them off or skip all toppings completely because I enjoyed the satisfaction I got from putting his needs first. Running the pizza cutter up and down, I cut large slices and lift two from the pan. I set them on a plate, heading back to my chair. Cheese drips from my mouth as I indulge in each slice, allowing my mind to only focus on the taste alone. I really need to stop waiting so long to eat. That is one downfall of living alone, but one I could live without if it allowed me to hang out with Ben more.
Six
Ben
I wake up earlier than usual this morning. I throw on some jeans and an old faded T-shirt and put on my glasses since my allergies are bothering me again. My backpack is heavy on my shoulders as I walk to my car. I toss it in the back seat and make the short drive to the library.
My eyes stay partly shut as the sun beams down on me. I hurry through the library's revolving doors highlighted by a litter of potted plants. A lady staring at her phone slams into me on the way in. If I wasn’t awake before, I sure am now.
“Oh, sorry; I didn't see you there,” she says, with her face flushing.
I smile. “No harm done, have a nice day,” I say as I walk further into the library.
I hear the doors open again and I turn to see her standing still in the doorway. “Hey, do you maybe want to share a table? I have one saved in there. I was grabbing something from my car. It’s the least I can do after running into you.”
I glance from her bright purple hair and back to all the occupied tables in the library. Her blue eyes peer up behind her pink framed glasses. I nod. “Yeah, sure; that would be great, thanks. Which one is yours?”
She slaps her hand to her forehead. “Oh, right; the one with the purple backpack on top.”
I search for a table with a purple backpack and come up empty handed. I stop frozen in front of the door when I spot Alex walking into a store across the way. I quickly move away from the door faster than I’ve moved in a long time. He's never on this side of town, but my luck gets worse from there. From a nearby window, I spot Gavin climbing out of his car in the same large parking lot I parked in. I quickly jumped away from it after seeing him heading in the opposite direction from the library. I rub my sweaty palms on my jeans, taking deep breaths to decrease my rapid heart rate.
I glance up at the ceiling as if confronting the big almighty. “Am I being tested here or something, because I promise I'll be better.”
A shuffling noise nearby takes me out of my thoughts. “Hey, the table is right over there.” The girl from before is back with a friendly smile and bright blue beaming eyes.
"Oh, right. I was just looking for a book and found it,” I say, pulling out a random book about birds from the closest shelf.
