Page 44 of A Different Form of Oxygen
“I do want one. I want it all with you, Gavin. But this is just the first time I’ve tried being with someone this way since David. I got caught off guard is all.”
“If we do continue, whether now or in the future, we should come up with a safe word. The traffic light colors are good, but I think a safe word meant for just us would be better. Also, everyone has their limits and you telling me no spanking is a good start, and I could work with the word lessons. Communication is key; always know you can talk to me. If we need to create a special place for that like a safe space, then we can.”
He rubs his face into my chest. “Okay. A safe space may be good. The couch in the living room is a place I always feel most relaxed and safe with you outside of the bedroom. As for a safe word, how about… muffin because a blueberry muffin sounds really good right now.” His small grin isn’t exactly a smile, but it was a sign we were getting there again.
I laugh. “Someone has his mind on food. How about I feed you and you think about it on a full stomach? Also, the couch is perfect.” I grab his hand and pull him with me to the bedroom. He watches me, smiling as I tug on some sweats and a black Henley before making my way to the kitchen. Ben slips on a pair of my boxer briefs and his footsteps trail behind me, never too far away. Thankful I recently went grocery shopping; I pull out some eggs, milk and flour. “How about some pancakes?”
Ben nods enthusiastically. “Pancakes are perfect; thank you, Papi.”
The tension in his shoulders releases, and the chair scrapes against the floor when he takes a seat at the table. “Got any tea hiding somewhere around here?”
I rummage in the cabinets above me, where I keep all my tea and coffee. “What kind would you like? We got peppermint green tea, English morning tea, lavender blueberry, and lemon ginger.”
He sets his chin on his closed hand, elbow digging into the wooden table. “Hmm, let’s go with the lavender blueberry.”
I smile, pulling a bag from the box before moving to heat some water on the stove. Ben is quiet and I’m thankful for the sounds of moving pans and the scraping spatula that drown out the awkward silence. I want him to feel safe here with me. I didn’t want to bring him any new worries. The last thing I want to do is have him stress over us moving too quickly.
