Page 16 of A Different Form of Oxygen
Ten
Ben
My hang out with Gavin ended earlier than I wanted yesterday, since I had to get up early to study. I was more relaxed being around him than I thought I would be. He made it so easy and that terrified me. What if I get it wrong again? His words about having a crush on me a year ago hang over me all night and morning, causing a rush of flattery through me, sending me far up into the clouds. Everything has me smiling today. I wanted to tell him about the other night but struggled to find the right words.
Alex slams his hand against the break room table, dragging me out of my thoughts. “Are you even listening to me, Ben? Did you hear one thing I said? This is in regard to your job, so you should be listening if you wish to keep it.”
Rolling my eyes, I lean my body further against the chair, peering up at his narrowing stare. “Yes, Alex. You make it hard for me not to with all the yelling you’re doing.”
I have an earlier shift and it’s not as busy during the day. I was dragging after staying up late studying for my next exam. Alex always sneered at me when he caught me studying during my break. Why did he care what I did on my break? Normally, the good thing about working earlier is I hardly have to deal with Alex. I wasn’t fortunate today.
"It’s not like I can expect you to understand, Ben; it's not as if you have any passion about anything. This place, this club, is that for me." Alex stands there, glaring at me with his hands on his hips.
But he is wrong; my passion just isn't something I run around town shoving in people's faces the way Alex does. Alex may call taking advantage of vulnerable dancers who are half his age having passion, when it's really about him having control and giving his own ego a boost. Being needed and wanted is his passion.
My passion is working with plants and something else I gave up on a long time ago. Something only one person had been able to give me one time. I still get chills every time I think about the way Gavin’s fingers lightly brushed against the skin of my hip.
Alex’s foot tapping against the laminate has me remembering where I am, and my skin runs hot with fury from him thinking he even knows me when we are merely strangers in most ways. "I told you Alex, it's not that I don't take my job seriously. I just can't keep working these doubles. They are killing me. If your club means that much to you, then hire more people." My words spit out like a harsh statement.
He runs his hands through his dirty blonde hair so rough the skin of his forehead pulls tight. "Fine, whatever. I'll get Shane to do it. Shane is much more accommodating." He glances up and down my body. "With everything."
The wrinkles in his tie smooth beneath the weight of his hands. His black suede shoes scrape against the floor as he storms out of the dressing room. I know those words are meant to hurt me, but all they do is fill me with relief knowing someone else has his attention more than I do. I no longer care about being in Alex's spotlight. I did once, but now all I want is to be nothing more than a distant thought in his mind. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, it weighs heavy on my exhausted body.
The earlier silence is now replaced with loud music as I follow in the direction Alex went. People are drinking and laughing around me as I hurry toward the club exit. Screw Alex and his stupid passion.
I sneer in the direction of him pressing Shane against his too expensive car, no longer caring about his scrunched-up tie. Better him than me.
Already wishing I could be anywhere but here, I slide into my car and waste no time pulling away from the revolting view. My vibrating phone replaces the silence on my short drive home. The name on the screen brings a smile to my face, my pulse cascading through my body. I wait until I’m in my driveway to read the text.
Gavin:Hey there, new friend. Doing anything interesting tonight?
Me:If you call temporarily attaching my body to the couch as I inhale large amounts of pizza interesting.
Gavin:That actually sounds much better than my night.
I don't even think about the next thing I type. But he wants to be friends, and this is something friends do.
Me:Want to come over? We can get that weird veggie pizza you like so much.
Gavin:Sure, and I can watch you clog your arteries with all that meat you shove in your mouth
I had a feeling he wasn't talking about the same meat I was envisioning shoving in my mouth.
Me:I do enjoy putting meat in my mouth and sometimes I like to even hold it there for long periods of time.
Gavin:I'm assuming you are no longer talking about food and I think I'll stop you there.
There are things people shouldn't know about their friends' private hobbies.
There goes that damn word again.Friend. I thought I was perfectly okay with being nothing more than friends with Gavin, but the more I hear that word the more limiting it feels and the further it pulls me away from that night we shared in the club.One of the best nights of my life.The emphasis on the word is so loud in my head, sinking my heart into my stomach.
I dial the number to my favorite pizza place and grab my usually Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza and the vegetarian pizza I've seen him eat at game nights. I thought it was sweet he was a vegetarian. I almost change my clothes but he's already seen me in similar ones so there was no point now. He already saw the hot mess, not so perfect Ben, and yet he keeps coming back for more.
A knock comes at my door and I take my time looking through the peephole. I always tense up every time, thinking I'll end up seeing David on the other side of the door. It never matters how much time has gone by. When I see Gavin is on the other side, looking down at something in his hands, I open the door. "Hey, what you got there?"
He lifts it up and it's a clipping of the Monstera plant we saw the other day at the bakery. The one I couldn't stop admiring when we left. The leaves appear more green against his hand. He actually got them. My insides grow warm from the thoughtful gift. "Is that what I think it is? How did you get it?"
He smiles, peeking over my shoulder. "Let me inside and I'll tell you."
