Page 34 of One Hot Summer
His jaw was set, eyes hard. He wore a battered t-shirt from a Nashville bar, a pair of basketball shorts, and a baseball cap turned backwards on his head. I could still see glimpses of the same boy I’d raised but he was different too—older, more mature. I wasn’t sure when it had happened, but he was a man now. Or maybe it had been happening all along, and I was just able to recognize it because of all the time I’d spent with Adam.
He crossed to the desk and sat down, dropping his backpack on the floor. I watched him, trying to read the temperature of the room. “Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” I echoed.
He picked at the hem of his shorts, then glanced up, meeting my gaze for the first time. His eyes were red, but not angry. Just tired. “You look like shit,” he said, deadpan.
I almost laughed. “Right back at you, champ.” The old familiar banter flickered, then died. We sat in silence for a minute, the sounds of the city humming through the window. I waited for him to speak first. He’d earned that right.
“Why him?” he asked finally. “Of all people, Dad. Why Adam?”
The question felt like a punch. I let it hang in the air, searching for an answer that wasn’t pathetic. “Because he’s kind,” I said, surprised by how easily the truth came. “Because he’s smart, and stubborn, and funny. Because he challenges me. Because he—” I stopped, embarrassed by the rawness in my own voice.
Dalton didn’t move, didn’t blink. “Because he’s not Mom?”
“That’s not fair to either of them,” I said, shaking my head. “You know why your mom and I stayed together as long as we did.”
He nodded. “Because of me. Because you thought it was the right thing.”
“Well, yeah,” I admitted. “We wanted to give you the best start in life. A stable home with two loving parents.”
“But you guys never loved each other, did you?”
I met his eyes and forced myself to admit the truth. “No. I don’t think we ever did.”
Dalton ran a hand over his eyes. When he looked back at me, they were filled with sorrow. Instinct had me moving towards him before I could think better of it. I dropped into the chair next to him and squeezed his shoulder gently, trying to offer some comfort. “I’m sorry, Son. I know this must be difficult for you to hear.”
He nodded, his eyes glistening. “I guess I always suspected, deep down. But hearing you say it…” He trailed off, shaking his head.
“Your mother and I cared for each other,” I said softly. “We still do. But we were never in love. Not the way two people should be when they get married.”
Dalton was quiet for a long moment, processing. Then he looked up at me, his expression unreadable. “And Adam? Do you care about him or was this just some fling?”
The question caught me off guard. I opened my mouth, then closed it again, not sure if my response would be accepted or cause him to shut down again. In the end, I decided the best option would be to tell the truth. No more hiding.
“I do care about him, Dalton. A lot. I know it’s fast, and it’s complicated, and it makes no Goddamn sense. But I do. He makes me happy, and I’d like to keep seeing him if he’s willing, but not if it’s going to cause problems between the two of you. I know how much your friendship means to him and I don’t ever want to get in the way of that.”
My son’s face shifted, the remnants of his anger dissolving into something softer. He looked down at his hands, then back up at me. “I thought you were just… I don’t know. Lonely. Using him.”
I shook my head, hard. “It’s not like that. I promise you. I’d never hurt him. Or you.”
For a second, I thought he might argue. Instead, he just sighed, long and low. “You’re both idiots, you know,” he said. “I’ve stopped by our apartment a couple of times to pick up a few things and all he does is mope around like someone shot his dog. It’s pretty obvious he hasn’t been eating or sleeping.”
I felt my heart crack, just a little. “I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Dalton said seriously. “Because of me. Once again, you were giving stuff up for me. I get it and I loveyou for it. You’re an incredible dad and you’ve always put my needs first, but I’m all grown up now and you need to start living your life for yourself. Do the things that make you happy for once.”
“But you were so angry,” I argued.
Dalton’s brow furrowed in thought. “I think I was more shocked than anything. And yeah, I may have been a little angry at first, but that was because I thought you two were just having some fling, something that had the potential to blow up in all our faces. But it’s clear now, looking at both of you, that that’s not the case.”
The guilt settled, heavy and thick. “I thought it would be easier. For you, for him.”
He shook his head. “You don’t get it, Dad. Adam’s never had anyone. Never. Every family he’s ever had either abandoned him, rejected him, or chose someone else. I was the first person who stuck around, who didn’t bail when things got tough.”
He met my gaze, suddenly fierce. “If you’re going to do this, you don’t get to half-ass it. You don’t get to be with him and then walk away when it’s messy. He needs you. And frankly, I think you need him too.”
“I do. I need him more than I realized. And I promise, I would never hurt him. Ever,” I replied fervently.
