Page 1 of The Swap
Istared down at my watch. Was the second hand moving faster than usual? It seemed like it was spinning out of control, dragging me closer and closer to the inevitable moment that I’d been dreading. A feeling of doom settled over me and my stomach clenched uncomfortably, threatening to expel its contents.
A hand reached out and covered my own. The fingers were narrow, their nails painted in a shimmery, pale pink polish. A delicate silver ring adorned the index finger and a thin bracelet encircled the slender wrist. Turning my hand over, I weaved my fingers through hers, giving her a gentle squeeze. Looking up, I was met with a pair of eyes, the same shape and shade of blue as my own. She smirked at me.
“You know, we have things like cell phones and computers that we can use to communicate these days. It’s not like when you were my age and had to chisel a message into a stone or send a letter by carrier pigeon,” Brooklyn teased. She bumped my shoulder and I heard her tinkling laugh as I rolled my eyes.
“I’m only thirty-seven years old. I didn’tactuallyride dinosaurs to school, you know,” I joked back, pasting a smile on my face. Brooklyn saw through my façade though and I watched as her smile faltered.
“It’ll be okay, Daddy. We can call and text whenever we want,” Brooklyn reminded me, quietly.
Her eyes filled with sympathy and a quiet understanding as she gave me a watery smile. I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the knot that had formed there. I was the parent, it was my responsibility to comfort and support her.
I wrapped my arm around her and she tucked her head under my chin, the way she’d done since she was a little girl. I dipped down and kissed the top of her head. The familiar scent of her favorite strawberry shampoo filled my nostrils and I squeezed my eyes shut as I breathed in deep. I was going to miss this, missherso much.
I opened my eyes and saw Gayle staring at the two of us. Her lips were pressed tightly together as she tried to rein in her emotions, but her eyes filled with tears as they met mine. I reached for her and pulled her into our hug. She rested her forehead against Brooklyn’s back and I heard her choke back a sob.
We held each other quietly, lost in our own thoughts and memories. A few moments later, I checked my watch. “It’s time, honey,” I said quietly. I wanted to take the words back as soon as I said them, but I couldn’t. We slowly untangled ourselves and stood. I froze when I saw the panicked look in Brooklyn’s eyes. I could wallow in my own misery later, but right then, my daughter needed me. She needed me to be strong, to reassure her that she was doing the right thing and that she’d be okay.
I cupped her face in my hands and stared into her eyes. “You are my biggest joy and my greatest achievement. You’ve brought nothing but love and happiness into our lives and your mother and I are so proud of the young woman you’ve become. It’s hard to let you go, but you have so much to offer the world and it would be selfish of us to keep you all to ourselves. This isyourtime, to explore, to learn and to figure out exactly who and what you want to be.” I pressed my lips to her forehead and swallowed hard when she wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed.
“But what about you and Mom?” she asked in a shaky voice.
“We’ll be fine. Maybe we’ll actually take up some new hobbies,” Gayle spoke up. I gave her a grateful look and she winked at me. We’d always made a good team when it came to parenting and this time was no different.
Brooklyn chuckled as she let go of me and turned to her mother. “You mean like salsa dancing and couples pottery classes?” she teased, then a look of horror crossed her face. “Oh God! Please, promise me you won’t be one of those gross couples that tries to act out that scene from Ghost,” she begged, her nose wrinkling in disgust.
“Get over here and give me a hug, you twerp.” Gayle laughed, and I felt a genuine smile spread across my face as I watched them embrace.
Another announcement rang out. “You’d better get going, sweetheart. You don’t want to be rushed trying to find your seat,” I said gently.
Brooklyn pulled back and looked at us. “I love you both so much. Thank you for everything you’ve done.” Fresh tears swam in her eyes and she kissed her mother’s cheek and then threw her arms around my neck. “I love you, Daddy,” she whispered in my ear and I hugged her tightly, committing to memory the feel of her in my arms.
“I love you too, you’ll always be my best girl,” I promised. We hugged for a few more seconds and then I cleared my throat and pulled back, giving her a smile.
Memories assaulted me. The day Gayle and I had brought her home from the hospital, both of us scared out of our minds because we were barely more than children ourselves. Her first steps, first Christmas, first sleepover. The dance recitals and softball games, the science fairs and school plays. The weeks when we raced home to check the mail, eager to see if Brooklyn had been accepted to the school of her choice, and then the day it finally came and the three of us danced in the kitchen.
I was so damn proud of her and not at all surprised that she’d reached her goals and earned a full-ride scholarship to one of the best colleges in the country. She’d always been a very determined child, and a hard worker. However, reality had slowly started to sink in for me and Gayle that she was actually going to be moving out of our home and attending a college nearly three thousand miles away.
Gayle and I had committed that summer to spending as much time with our daughter as possible. We’d enjoyed camping, white water rafting, and even carved out time to visit Disneyland. We’d spent countless nights watching movies together and sitting around talking until the wee hours of the morning. We’d soaked up as much time together as we could, but before we knew it, the weather had started to cool, and autumn had arrived.
The time had come that every parent dreaded. It was time to let go. Brooklyn picked up her carry-on bag and I watched as she drew in a deep breath and pulled her shoulders back. I knew how scared she was, but I could also see the strength and determination in her posture. A burst of pride filled me. My girl was going to do just fine on her own.
I reached for Gayle and she sidled up to me, wrapping an arm around my waist as we watched our daughter walk to the security gate. My breath caught as Brooklyn turned back to us and we waved to her robotically. She walked backward as she blew a final kiss our way and then she disappeared around the corner. We stood frozen, as if we almost expected her to come running back through the gate, shouting “Just kidding!” The minutes dragged on, each of us unwilling or unable to move until someone bumped into me, pulling me out of my daze.
“We should go,” I murmured.
Gayle began to cry, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her tightly against my chest. Her arms slid around me, but I didn’t trust myself to speak so I simply rocked her back and forth until her cries settled into soft hiccups.
I held her hand as we moved numbly through the airport. It suddenly seemed too bright and too loud as people raced past us to get to their planes on time. It was too painful to watch as people rushed forward in joy as they were reunited with loved ones. I felt raw and exposed, and I found myself walking faster and faster, pulling Gayle along behind me.
Finally, we made it back to our car and I was surprised to hear Gayle let out a relieved sigh as we climbed inside. I glanced over and found her staring out the window, her face pale and her cheeks streaked with dried tears.
“She’ll be alright, won’t she?” Gayle asked. Her voice was small and cracked on the last word.
The backs of my eyes itched as tears threatened once again, but I forced them back. I cleared my throat. “She’s all the best parts of the two of us. She’ll be more than alright. She’s going to shine,” I assured her.
Gayle turned to face me, and she nodded her agreement, even as fresh tears splashed over her cheeks. I reached into the glove compartment and handed her a small container of tissues. She thanked me, and I waited as she wiped her tears and blew her nose.
“Are you hungry? We could stop somewhere and get something to eat if you’d like,” I offered. My own stomach roiled at the thought of food, but it would make me feel a little less helpless if I could focus my attention on taking care of her. Gayle shook her head though and let out a heavy sigh.
