Page 37 of Something Real with the Sea Monster
“Yeah, but it’s more than that. If they were just assholes from the get-go, it would be easy to avoid them, right? But I keep falling for them.”
Mia tips her head to the side, considering. “Well, are they nice to you at first? They give you what you want?”
“Sometimes. Sort of. I guess they seem nice. And hot. OK, mostly hot. They sort of string me along, though. They give me just enough to make me think we could have something without ever actually saying that’s what they want. They make me think they want a girlfriend when actually all they want is a convenient fuck.”
She nods. “But when you try to have the conversation, they dodge it.”
“Yeah. Or they say what I want to hear.”
There’s a pause. I take a sip of my cappuccino. “Let’s say I was having casual sex with someone. Am I being a fuckboy if I know he wants more but I’m only willing to be casual?”
“Am I allowed to know who this hypothetical guy is?”
“No. Definitely not. Just answer the question because I think I know the answer, but now I kinda need to hear you say it out loud.”
“OK. Well, in this hypothetical situation, I’d say you’re not being a fuckboy because I know you, Tegan, and you’re just not.”
“OK, but why?”
“Well, because for one thing you never just say what people want to hear. You’re too honest for that.”
“And another?”
“Well, are you sure you only want casual?”
“Yes! I mean, look at me. I’m a mess. I need to get my shit together before I can even think about dating again. Besides, maybe I’m too selfish for a relationship. At least with this guy.”
Mia shakes her head. “Whatever you say, Teegs. But just for the record, selfish is the last word I would use to describe you.”
We finish our lunch in comfortable silence since I’m busy formulating a position on the whole fuckboy issue. I’ve known Mia too long for silence to feel weird, so I don’t bother filling it with small talk.
I think she’s right. I don’t lie. I usually can’t be bothered. And I think people deserve the truth, good or bad. I’ve certainly been honest with Jack. So I guess my conscience is clear on that front. There’s still a weight resting on my shoulders, though. So maybe I should just apply my usual strategy of being up front about how I’m feeling and clearing the air. If he has any regrets, I can apologize and we can avoid making the problem worse. Only the thought of never being with Jack again leaves the last few bites of my bacon and egg muffin dry and tasteless in my mouth and makes the last mouthful of coffee bitter. How unfair would it be to have found something that good and never get to experience it again?
Maybe the best approach is to make sure I’m offering an actual lesson instead of just fucking him until my knees go weak, taking what I want from him. I decide right then and there to make the next time we meet way more focused.
EIGHTEEN
Jack
My palms are actually sweating that night when Tegan messages to say she’s waiting downstairs. Wiping them on my jeans, I hurry down the stairs, going over the words I’ve rehearsed in my head a hundred times.Tegan, I haven’t been completely honest.
I frown.
That sounds so bad.
MaybeI have a confession.No. Too dramatic.
I still haven’t decided by the time I open the door, and for a long moment my tongue gets tied and I just stare at her in silent wonder. Tegan has on leggings and a sports bra. Her hair is tied up into a long ponytail, and she’s wearing sneakers with crisp white socks pulled up over the leggings. It’s not fancy. It doesn’t have to be. The fabric clings to every line of her body and makes me itch to touch her.
“Tegan, I—”
“Shhh.” She throws herself into my arms, clinging to my neck and wrapping her legs around me. “I said I was going for a run, so we don’t have long, and I don’t want to waste any time.”
I can’t respond because the next second her lips crash into mine and my instincts take over. I flip us so I can press her against the wall, and I return her kiss with everything I have. As soon as we start, it’s like we never stopped. The energy between us is instantly at eleven out of ten. I’m breathing hard, grinding a little as I tease my lips against hers, hard and aching against the fly of my jeans.
Tegan moans when I reach between us to cup her breast over the tight bra she has on. Her nipple is taut and peaked against the fabric, and I stroke and tease it until she makes a little whining sound in the back of her throat.
“Take me upstairs,” she gasps when I break away from her lips to taste her throat.
